Jump to content

Talk:2010 Emory Healthcare 500/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Secret (talk · contribs) 03:15, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be reviewing this article. Secret account 03:15, 3 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Ok reviewing, I noticed prose issues throughout, did a few copyedits. I haven't fully finished the review, some comments for now.

  • "The track, Atlanta Motor Speedway, is one of ten intermediate to hold NASCAR races" Change the first mention of track to venue, then add track after intermediate.
  • "Kasey Kahne is the race's defending champion." Is should be a was
  • "only forty-three will be able.... will be able to what (for non-NASCAR readers)?
  • "The race, the twenty-fifth out of a total of thirty-six in the season", (A total is redundant)
  • "Newman was challenging Hamlin, on the first lap." Source and relevance?
  • "Seven laps later, Paul Menard passed Gordon to move into thirteenth" relevance?
  • "After struggling with car handling during the first half of the race, Kurt Busch had moved from thirty-second to sixteenth by lap 171." - relevance?
  • "Seven laps later, Jamie McMurray had a flattened tire, and drove to pit road." - Incorrect grammar with flattened
  • "After McMurray's unscheduled pit stop he fell to the twenty-sixth position" - Sentence can be merged with above
  • What's the NASCAR MOS here, wording like "as Stewart puts his teammate, Ryan Newman, a lap behind" is confusing to NASCAR readers, I rather replace behind with down.
  • Eight laps later, the fourth caution came out because David Ragan spun sideways on the back stretch. Because < As
  • "All the drivers on the same lap as the leaders pitted under the caution." (Better as) Every driver in the lead lap pitted under caution.
  • Why did Hamlin finished last when all the start and park drivers were already pulling to pit road by the early laps. That's really rare and unique nowadays.
  • Can you remove citation four, yes its archived but not working properly and it is covered by the other sources.

Sorry for the delay, the start of class got me backtracked, let me finish. Here's more comments

Ok last round of comments

Secret account 04:39, 31 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]

There still some minor gramatical issues in the "Race" section but nothing extremely serious or obvious, passing the review. Secret account 15:47, 31 January 2013 (UTC)[reply]