Talk:Anjem Choudary/GA1
GA Review
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Reviewer: HJ Mitchell | April Fool! 00:47, 2 April 2010 (UTC) This is... interesting, let's go with that. A lot of work has obviously gone into this, so I'll take it on and give it a review.
- Technical
- You appear to have 3 dead external links
- Only one is dead, the checklinks tool is faulty. I'll have a think about the Islam4UK link, but I think its best to leave it as at some point the waybackmachine might pick it up. Parrot of Doom 10:41, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- I've fixed your one and only ambiguous link
- specific
- The first thing that catches my eye is the place of birth which, according to MOS:BIO, doesn't belong in the opening sentence.
- You have a good point, however I think its important to state right from the beginning that he's English, else more ignorant folk presume he's "one of dem blardy forriners innit".
- "Choudary is a vocal critic of the UK's involvement in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and has praised the terrorists involved in the attacks of 11 September, and 7 July."?
- Firstly, does that need to be mentioned in the lead? Obviously it's important, but that's a very emotive issue and could prejudice a reader. It also appears to slant the flow of the paragraph against him.
- I think it does, however I know this is an emotive subject. His notability stems from his personal and political views, it seems only natural to summarise those in the lead.
- Second, if or wherever they are mentioned, the attacks should be given their years. Contrary to the title of the former, they aren;t annual events.
- Done.
- Firstly, does that need to be mentioned in the lead? Obviously it's important, but that's a very emotive issue and could prejudice a reader. It also appears to slant the flow of the paragraph against him.
- "and also"- one of my pet peeves. There is almost always a better way to phrase that.
- Gone.
- The "early life and education" section is a little sketchy on the details. I can deduce that he was a solicitor and not a barrister from "removed from the Roll", but it's not obvious to someone without a little legal knowledge. It should also be clear to those not familiar with the English two tier system.
- There isn't much information available. I'm hoping that someone will write a book that contains more, but his notability is recent so it will be a while. I've added what the Roll is in brackets, there doesn't appear to be an article.
- What is the IFF?
- Explained.
- There's a tendency to use "UK" as a verb where "British" would be more appropriate
- I'm not clear if there's a distinction between reaction to Choudary in Britain and N. Ireland, so I've stuck to UK throughout. Some may object to calling a Northern Irish critic British. I've removed one instance though while copyediting.
- On that note, "holiday" isn't a verb either, but that's a little pedantic!
- Gone.
- You make very minimal use of commas- I, have, a, tendency, to, overuse, them, but, a, few, more, wouldn't, go, amiss!
- For example, a phrase that opens a sentence should end with a comma (In foobar, ...)
- I don't agree. I tend to use commas as I would in speech, and opening phrases when spoken rarely use them. I know many editors tend to use commas after opening with a date - if its a US date, that may be appropriate, but I don't think English dates need it.
- For example, a phrase that opens a sentence should end with a comma (In foobar, ...)
- You've got a "[clarification needed]" tag in the "Islam4UK" section, though I'm not entirely sure what it's for
- There are many BBC radio stations, I've been trying to find out which the interview took place on.
- I know it's a "criticism" section, but that tirade from Mehdi Hasan could perhaps be trimmed? Again, I know it's a criticism section, but the whole thing feels very slanted against him
- Medhi Hasan I think is a Muslim, and therefore I think his view should be given more weight than the others. I've tried to find positive comment about Choudary but if it exists, I can't find it. Same as Nick Griffin really, nobody has anything good to say about him.
- Are there sources on what he does now? I can't imagine he just fizzled out into the background when I4UK was banned
- The Sun seems to keep tabs on him but I don't trust them as a reliable source. Parrot of Doom 10:41, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
Given the subject matter, this is a very well put-together article and once the above are addressed, I should be able to pass it. I'd like to watch it, but my watchlist is already enormous, so if you could drop a note on my talk page when you want me to take another look (or if you need something clarifying) I'd be much obliged. HJ Mitchell | April Fool! 00:47, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- "Holiday" is actually fine as a verb, at least in British English. But having said that, the phrase in question reads better as amended. I've made a couple of additional minor corrections/clarifications, but one other small-ish point that jumps out at me a little - the first reference in the last para of the lead to the specifics of his politics implies that he's some sort of bog-standard anti-war protestor. Would that part of the description be better swapped with the reference to his praise for 9/11 and the London bombings, so that the latter comes first? N-HH talk/edits 11:26, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- I'm not sure its appropriate to label him as a generic war protester. It seems to me that he's only a war protester when those wars involve invasions into Islamic states. Parrot of Doom 15:59, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- I agree - my point was that mentioning his opposition to UK involvement in the wars ahead of the other details about his position on 9/11 etc could be read as giving that impression, and should be avoided. On reflection though, I think it's a minor point and I'm over-analysing the issue. There's plenty of material after all that explains what he is actually about. N-HH talk/edits 16:25, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- Ah I'm with you now. I think he's probably more notable for his criticism of the UK's involvement in Afghanistan and Iraq than he is for his praise of the terrorists. I'll not object if you want to switch the two halves around though. Parrot of Doom 16:31, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- Well it appears that all my concerns have been addressed, so I think it's appropriate to pass this. I looked for a\n article on the Roll but was unable to find one. Master of the Rolls is FL, but that focuses on the judicial post. Checklinks has a habit of flagging up dead linkls that aren't dead so I'm not worried about that. Keep up the good work. Who knows, they might have him on Question time soon! HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 14:23, 4 April 2010 (UTC)
- Ah I'm with you now. I think he's probably more notable for his criticism of the UK's involvement in Afghanistan and Iraq than he is for his praise of the terrorists. I'll not object if you want to switch the two halves around though. Parrot of Doom 16:31, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- I agree - my point was that mentioning his opposition to UK involvement in the wars ahead of the other details about his position on 9/11 etc could be read as giving that impression, and should be avoided. On reflection though, I think it's a minor point and I'm over-analysing the issue. There's plenty of material after all that explains what he is actually about. N-HH talk/edits 16:25, 2 April 2010 (UTC)
- I'm not sure its appropriate to label him as a generic war protester. It seems to me that he's only a war protester when those wars involve invasions into Islamic states. Parrot of Doom 15:59, 2 April 2010 (UTC)