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Talk:Battle of Roan's Tan Yard/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: Gog the Mild (talk · contribs) 21:47, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Got it. Gog the Mild (talk) 21:47, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • Infobox: "c. 128" doesn't work. You can't be "about" an exact number.
    • Removed the circa
  • "Sterling Price's pro-Confederate Missouri State Guard" is trying to do a lot of work. Maybe 'pro-Confederate Missouri State Guard commanded by Sterling Price'?
    • Went with something similar
  • "a previous Missouri State Guard defeat at the Battle of Mount Zion Church the preceeding December". "a previous ... the preceeding December'. You only need one.
    • Removed "previous". Also realized the preceding was misspelled
  • Randolph County is duplinked.
    • Fixed
  • "into the southwestern portion of the state" → 'into southwestern Missouri'?
    • Done
  • "while at Neosho, Jackson and the pro-secession state legislators" This could do with a little further explanation.
    • Mentioned that they were there cause Lyon had kicked them out of the capital.
  • Caption: "Map of Roan's Tan Yard Battlefield core and study areas" "Core and study areas" - you what?
    • Rephrased. It had apparently been there since 2017, and I didn't pay the caption much attention.
Me too with my own noms.

More to follow. Gog the Mild (talk) 22:14, 11 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • "serve in Price's command" → either 'his command' or specify the unit.
    • Fixed. I didn't realize I named Price twice in that sentence
  • "About 4 miles (6.4 km)". Optional: set |sigfig=1.
    • Done
  • "Torrence deployed his men and formulated his plan of attack"> I know what you mean, but wouldn't he have formulated his plan before deploying his units.
    • Removed "formulated his plan of attack", as it's not really needed
  • "Once the attack hit around 16:30". This reads as if it were a continuation of hte plan; you need something to let the reader know that you have switched to an account of actual events.
    • Started the sentence off with "The". Does this help with anything?
  • "Once the attack hit around 16:30, the Missouri State Guardsmen put up little resistance, and the camp was captured after a fight of only thirty or forty minutes; large quantities of supplies were taken in the abandoned camp." Overlong sentence IMO.
    • Split
  • "using fog to cover their retreat". You either need to elaborate a little here on the fog, or introduce it earlier - perhaps when switching from the formulating to the action?
    • Done
  • "After the battle, the camp destroyed; Missouri State Guard recruiting activities in Randolph County ceased." Umm. Maybe 'After the battle, the camp was destroyed and Missouri State Guard recruiting activities in Randolph County ceased.'? Although I am not sure that I see the connection between these two things.
    • Done. The sources make a connection, which I've tried to clarify
  • "the setbacks led to a reduction of pro-Confederate activities in the central Missouri region overall" Optional: delete "overall".
    • Done
  • "between 80 and 100 Missouri State Guard soldiers were killed or wounded in the action". Delete "in the action".
    • Removed
  • "Poindexter's loss at 80 total". Maybe 'at a total of 80'?
    • Done
  • "although one source places the loss at as high as 27". "the" → 'their'.
    • Fixed. I'm terrible at copyediting myself.

Gog the Mild (talk) 10:54, 12 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That will do nicely. Passing. Gog the Mild (talk) 14:52, 12 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]