Talk:Ferruccio Busoni/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Tim riley (talk · contribs) 07:22, 5 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Initial comments after quick first reading for spelling etc:

"concertized" – a new one on me, but I see from the OED that it's been around since 1840. (Still looks a bit odd to me, but to each his own.)
"luke-warm" the OED and Chambers don't hyphenate this word.
"composers's" – one 's' too many, I think
"vis-a-vis" – both my dictionaries insist on the grave accent for the -à-

That's all from this pass. More after a close reading. – Tim riley talk 07:22, 5 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done (save for 'concertize' :-) ).--Smerus (talk) 07:55, 5 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Conclusion

Clearly meets the GA criteria, and I hope to see the article at FAC in due course. A few comments, which don't affect the promotability for GA, and are offered for acceptance or rejection entirely as you choose.

Duplicate links
- We have a few duplicate blue links of which the Votaries of the Manual of Style would disapprove: Bach, Brahms, Viktoria-Luise-Platz, the Emperor Concerto, Edgard Varèse, opus numbers, An die Jugend, Berceuse, Schumann, the Tomato and Fugue in D minor, Goldberg Variations, Debussy, Schoenberg, Doktor Faust, Philipp Jarnach, and Columbia Records
Lead
- 'Esthetic' – as the essay was written in German and exists in translations into both English and American, you are at liberty to spell Aesthetic in the normal way if you are so inclined.
Early career
- 'With the help of a patron' – that will do fine for GA, but when this goes to FAC someone is sure to demand the patron's name.
- 'In 1877' he heard – the 'he' being Busoni, but the last person mentioned was Hanslick – possibly ambiguous.
Helsingfors, Moscow, America
- 'Kathi Petri (the mother of his future pupil Egon Petri, then only 5 years old) – I might be inclined to omit the last five words – one wonders (well, I wondered) for a nanosecond which Petri they refer to, till the brain catches up with the eyes. [Afterthought: if you do decide to keep them, perhaps turn '5' into 'five' in keeping with the style elsewhere on the page. Tim riley talk 11:14, 6 July 2016 (UTC)][reply]
- 'JS Bach' – the MoS would have us write 'J. S. Bach' with full stops and spaces – ridiculously antiquated in this year of grace 2016, but I just mention it. Please feel extremely free to ignore me.
- 'St. Petersburg Conservatory' – I believe it is customary to spell out 'Saint' rather than abbreviate it in the title of the city.
Berlin
- 'and for Busoni the city's development' – given the mention of Busoni in square brackets a few words later, you could, if you wanted, omit 'for Busoni' here without damage to the clarity of the sentence.
- 'The Musical Times' – not sure why you omit the definite article from the italicisation and piping when you include it for, e.g., Die Brautwahl: it's just as much part of the title of the former as of the latter.
- 'commenced in a manner to irritate' – there is a word missing: the MT's review ('Various Recitals', 1 Dec 1897, p. 820) says 'commenced in a manner calculated to irritate'. (I don't know how much of the review Scholes quotes, but I see it also says of Busoni's playing of the Beethoven Op. 106, 'To Mr. Busoni, however, the most arduous passages appeared but trifling, and the player seemed assured of his notes, interpreting the master's music with a measure of ease and assurance that many pianists might envy.')
Before and after World War I
- 'Here in Zürich' – looks a bit odd: perhaps 'There in Zurich'?
- 'In 1916 whilst visiting Italy ... whilst on military training' – two 'whilsts' in a row. You might make one (or even both) a plain 'while'.
- 'Busoni met again with the artist Boccioni' – this tripped me up: in BrE we usually confine 'meet with' to abstract things – approval, a dreadful fate, etc – and just meet people. ('Meet with Boccioni' would pass without comment in AmEng, I know.) Same in the next para.
- 'to write for Sorabji a letter of recommendation' – doesn't flow very well, I think: perhaps 'to write a letter of recommendation for Sorabji'?
Early compositions
- 'though, as Leichtentritt points out' – possibly implies rather too strongly that Leichtentritt is undisputedly right: perhaps something like 'though Leichtentritt comments that...' would be more neutral

Nothing to frighten the horses there, and I leave you to take these suggestions or leave them, as you prefer. Meanwhile, on to the tape-cutting:

Overall summary

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. References to sources:
Well referenced.

B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
Well referenced.

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
Well illustrated.

B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
Well illustrated.
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

I greatly enjoyed this article, and learnt a lot from it. Very pleased to be able to promote it to GA, and I hope I shall see it again at FAC at some point. – Tim riley talk 10:08, 6 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks for this. I will certainly be considering all your points as I revise the piece. Best, -Smerus (talk) 14:05, 6 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]