Talk:Housing in Fortaleza, Brazil

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This is a start but I'm not clear what this article is about. Did you look at the structure of Wikipedia articles? I shared a handout in class and have sent links. A Wiki article has a lead followed by several paragraphs supporting the lead and a conclusion. It's unclear whether you're writing about a city, a country or a program. Also, make sure you read what you write carefully. There are a number of needless punctuation and stylistic errors in the paragraphs. Remember, anyone will be able to see what you write.Mcassell04 (talk) 23:12, 11 October 2015 (UTC)

It seems as though the topic, which I assume from the title is about housing in Fortalzea, is either too broad or the page needs better organization to make this clear. Given that this is an encyclopedic entry, try to avoid words like "ignored" unless it's within a direct quote because it projects a certain view or bias on how the Brazilian government is handling the situation. Double check your work for editing and grammar issues. The first sentence of your second paragraph is difficult to follow. It is also better to have to much citation as opposed to too little. Anytime you're mentioning statistics or something as fact you should include a citation. The Urucum project could potentially be a wikipedia page on its own, but if you're using it under a broader category it should be a subsection of it with its own header. The 5 project aims would then be a subsection of that subsection. Same things goes with the World Cup and Olympics. They are two separate competitions and both will uniquely affect the housing situation, so there should be separate sections on the World Cup and Olympic's effect.Kjacks48 (talk) 21:50, 14 October 2015 (UTC)

This page is a great start and an interesting topic. However it needs some organization. Make sure to put a proper page heading and delineate out some clear sub-sections in order to maintain oganization. Also, the Urucum is interesting and should either be a separate page or a clearly defined subsection. You also need more references. You're off to a good start, but every factual assertion needs a reference. Most of the substantive critiques have been pretty well covered by kjacks48 so I will leave it there. I see a good article here, it just needs some polish and organization. Regards, Travis. [[User:Twatso19}} (talk) 11:52, 14 October 2015 — Preceding unsigned comment added by Twatso19 (talk • contribs)

I'd also agree with the above, ShawnaM. I recommend you take a look at Fortaleza to see if some of the content you've added here could be appropriate there. That's also a good place to see how the style and tone of a Wikipedia article works on a subject very closely related to your own. Let me know if you need a hand seeing where your work could fit in there. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:52, 20 October 2015 (UTC)

Adam (Wiki Ed), I want to post this to wikipedia for others to edit but I'm afraid I have taken a stance while writing this article. Could this stand alone, or should it be added to another page? Thanks! ShawnaM (talk) 20:04 9 Nov 2015 (UTC)

Shawna, I would say that you are taking a stance... The above comments are still appropriate to your article as well. What is the focus of your article? Is it about the economic disparities of those who live in the city, the effects of the World Cup/Olympics, or the inequality of the political system of Brazil? You have a lot of information in your article that could be re-framed to make a smaller, more concise, and unbiased article. Also you should really insert some information about the Brazilian Government's involvement and comments about the subject. Are they trying to keep the huge economic boom going which in the end may help more people move out of poverty? Are these projects creating jobs? Are the city's renovations moving them closer to a healthy city? Some of these answers may help to keep your article unbiased. Another possibility would be adding the effects of the World Cup and the Olympic Games to the Fortaleza page that already exists. As for the article as it stands now there are a lot of grammatical errors that need attention. You also need to explain what the VLT stands for and should compare the US Dollar to the reias. I would ask but it may be possible to have your article specifically about the Urucum as 3 to 4 sections - background, history, achievements, current goals - would include most, if not all, information about the economic/housing disparities without taking a stance. I like your topic and your information it just needs to be focused. Good luck and I look forward to reading your final article!Mijepoi (talk) 14:16, 10 November 2015 (UTC)

Shawna, I went into great depth to try to edit and revise some of the sentences and words in your article to try and make the article flow easier. I like the ideas that you are conveying in your article I just think they could use a bit of refinement and concentration. I also added many hyperlinks into your article so that it can gain traction in Wikipedia and will continue to hyperlink other articles back to the one to hopefully gain even more attraction. I also replaced a few words in the article i.e. livable -> habitable and others like that. I'm excited to see your finished results. Good luck!Rsowick (talk) 02:48, 13 November 2015 (UTC)

I also found this website for you that may give you some extra ideas and specifics to write about in your article,

https://brazilportal.wordpress.com/tag/brazil-social-inequality/

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Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 14:07, 18 January 2022 (UTC)