Talk:IPhone/GA2

GA Review

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Starting the review. Will take one or two days to finish. Pmlinediter ^Talk 10:18, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Opening statement

After an unsuccessful bid a few months ago, I think that this article has come a long way. The clarity, citations, organization, and focus have all improved. I hope that you will find the article in excellent condition. Hopefully I won't be the only one addressing concerns. Thank you for taking on this review so quickly and the time you will spend on it, HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 21:32, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"Its minimal hardware interface lacks a physical keyboard, so a virtual keyboard is rendered on the multi-touch screen instead."

What about this: "Since its minimal hardware interface lacks a physical keyboard, a virtual keyboard is rendered..." ?

Or better yet, eliminate the passive voice.--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 21:32, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Pmlinediter ^Talk 09:10, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"The iPhone functions as a camera phone (including text messaging and visual voicemail), a portable media player (equivalent to an iPod), and an Internet client (with email, web browsing, and local Wi-Fi connectivity)."

The parentheses following media player equate the iPhone's media capabilities to that of the iPod while that after Internet client tells the user what the software package contains. But what of "as a camera phone (including text messaging and visual voicemail)"? Does it mean that since it is a camera phone, it includes text messaging and voicemail? This must be improved. Pmlinediter <suTalk 10:35, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Most camera phones include texting capability, but not visual voicemail. The other problem is that we leave "camera phone" to communicate the the iPhone has a camera--and a phone! I'm not sure exactly how to fix this, but I'll start by adding the word also to the parenthesis.--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 21:32, 15 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The modification you made is good enough to solve the issue since this is a GAR, not a FAC.Pmlinediter ^Talk 09:10, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Lead Section:

History and availability

"While iPhone sales constitute a significant portion of Apple's revenue, some of this income is deferred."

Perhaps some citation here? Pmlinediter ^Talk 09:34, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

History and availability section:

Hardware

Screen and input

Audio and output

Battery

" It is not user-replaceable, similar to the batteries of existing iPods, but unlike those of most existing cellular phones."

Perhaps a bit clearer. The part "unlike those of most existing cellular phones" may be reworded. Pmlinediter ^Talk 09:34, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"Like an iPod but unlike most other cell phones, the battery is not user-replaceable."--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 14:14, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

SIM card

Storage

Included items

Minor issue fixed.

The sentence about ultracompact USB adapter might include a sentence about and a reference to the September 2008 safety recall (exchange): [1] I'd do it but I'm not thick with Wikipedia yet, enough to be allowed to edit this page. Chococatreeves (talk) 16:40, 20 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Software

"iPhone OS is the operating system that runs on the iPhone (both models) and the iPod Touch."

It seems that the article is about iPhone OS. Perhaps make iPhone the subject? Pmlinediter ^Talk 09:34, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"The iPhone (and iPod touch) run an operating system known as iPhone OS"?--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 14:11, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

"Mac OS X v10.5"

Most readers will know OSX 10.5 as OSX Leopard. Suggest to include "Leopard" in brackets to make the meaning clear. Pmlinediter ^Talk 09:34, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Interface

Phone

"Custom ringtones are not supported in some countries."

Any ref? Pmlinediter ^Talk 11:37, 24 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Removed. As close as I can tell, ringtones are available everywhere the iTunes Store and iPhone are.--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 14:52, 24 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Multimedia

Internet connectivity

Text input

E-mail and text messages

Ref 100 still dead. Pmlinediter ^Talk 11:37, 24 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

This is all for now. Pmlinediter ^Talk 11:37, 24 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

That doesn't remain uncited for lack of trying. I've found enough people (in comment boxes mostly) to claim that this is true to not delete it, but I have yet to find a reliable source. I'm working on tidying up the rest of these references; thanks for pointing out the dead ones.--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 13:54, 16 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I've commented out the uncited (but would-be-good-to-have) sentences, and fixed ref 100.--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 14:18, 24 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Okay. I'll finish tomorrow. Pmlinediter ^Talk 14:21, 24 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry, I had finished the review when my browser (Opera) crashed. Will definitely finish tomorrow. The issues which I remember I saw are:-

a) Meaning of tether not too clear

b) "While initially the iPhone was only sold on the AT&T network with a SIM lock in place, various hackers have found methods to "unlock" the phone from a specific network." is a controversial statement requiring citation

I am probably going to pass this article once these issues are addressed to. Pmlinediter ^Talk 13:07, 25 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

It helps when an admin is the main contributor to an article since he can indef semi-protect it to prevent vandalism. Cheers, Pmlinediter ^Talk 13:08, 25 May 2009 (UTC).[reply]

Done. I can unprotect the page if you like, but 95% of the anon/new users are going to move it backwards. (And, alas, I seem to be one of the few people watching the article.)--HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 20:01, 25 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

No, I was not referring to unprotections at all. Actually, I have a GAN currently, The Lightning Thief which is being vandalized frequently by IPs, but I doubt that there is any point of requesting semi-protection since it won't be done. Pmlinediter ^Talk 07:53, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

(outdent) I made the judgement call without any formal process, and no one has brought it up until now. I'd offer to protect your article but it would present you with a conflict of interest. HereToHelp ^{(talk to me)} 19:31, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

This is quite good but I'm failing this GA largely because of the stability of the article. While the article itself is not too far from a GA, it is prone to content disputes, quarrels and edit warring. Also, the article is somewhat failing 1a as well.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
Overall okay, but not really "well written" as sections are often messed up
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
Some amount of original research in the article, though very less
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
Well, not that uch about 3G or 3GS etc.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
Personally, I would have liked a Reception section
It is stable.
No edit wars etc.:
Sorry, but a big fail here.
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
Failing per above issues

Regards, Pmlinediter ^Talk 15:49, 26 June 2009 (UTC).[reply]