Talk:Jason Hirsh/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 02:07, 4 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman 02:07, 4 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Here are some of the issues I found:

There are a few deadlinks to fix. See here.
Not sure about the major and minor league structure; it should go chronologically rather than jumping around like it is.
I count the word "only" used six times throughout the article, and of those I see one of them being valid.
" He went undrafted when he graduated in 2000, and no NCAA Division I programs wanted him, so he wound up at Division III California Lutheran University, which was only 40 minutes from his house." not sure the undrafted note here is needed, since the lack of D-I interest gets the point across well enough.
"where he was a 3-year starter, and flashed a 97 mph" wouldn't put 'flashed' in a GA, reword
The high school section in general doesn't really mention anything about how he did in high school baseball, yet it touches on all this extra stuff. For that matter, the high school and college sections can probably be combined since they're small.
" His record was 26–6, he had a 2.96 earned run average (ERA), and he struck out 238 batters in 258.1 innings pitched." One year, two or three? I would presume three but the article isn't clear.
One-sentence paragraphs should be avoided, they make the article choppy.
I'm pretty sure All-Star is hyphenated; fix all those.
"Baseball America named Hirsh Houston's top prospect heading into the 2006 season; it also listed Hirsh as having the "Best Control" in the organization." should be cited. Ironically it's one of the only things that isn't yet definitely needs one.
"Hirsh began 2006 with the Triple A Round Rock Express, where he a mastered a two-seam and four-seam fastball.[10] He suffered a pinched sciatic nerve in his lower back, and therefore did not pick up a weight until June or July, but he got better through running and extra stretching.[1]" Again, both the tone and the timing become confusing. When was the injury, and did he pitch through it? The fact that he played in the Futures Game seems to imply this, yet the injury-follow up implies he didn't.
"Hirsh went on to throw out Hardy and pitch 6 innings that day, earning a key win for the club" I wouldn't call a game in early August a "key win". (Now, if it was mid-late September for 2007 Colorado, that'd be another story)
The Rockies section and 2008-onward minor section both feel quite stilted, just hitting one point and another without much flow at all.
The Hank Greenberg cards don't seem notable enough to warrant a mention, just feels tacked on (not convinced of source reliability there either).
There are parts of the article that are decently written, but other parts that, honestly, need a fundamental rewrite, as they get at best overly journalistic and at worst unencyclopedic. It's also quite quote-heavy in spots, and while it's okay in some instances, the quotes could easily be converted to prose in some of the cases.

For the last point in particular, I'm going to have to fail this article, as it needs too much work for me to even put it on hold. The best course of action would probably be a peer review, ideally from someone without baseball expertise so they can give you that outside feel; if I found as many problems as I did then non-baseball reviewers could probably find even more. Wizardman 16:29, 4 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]