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Talk:Jethro Sumner/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Dank (talk · contribs) 02:16, 26 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review

  • The toolbox checks out.
  • I recommend replacing "Sumner" with "he" throughout, if "he" wouldn't be ambiguous in paragraphs where you've already mentioned Sumner once and where "he" wouldn't be ambiguous.
  • Done - Although my definition of ambiguous might be different than yours.
  • "William Smallwood a Continental Army general": William Smallwood, a Continental Army general
  • Done
  • "long arms": Either link to long gun or say what kind of long arms they were.
  • Done - changed to "guns".
  • "After the death of General Francis Nash, then in command of the North Carolina Brigade, at Germantown,": After the death at Germantown of General ...
  • Done
  • "Assemby": sp
  • Done.
  • "resigned after Brandywine due to charges of cowardice that had been leveled against him": I believe WP:Checklist#because is relevant here. "resigned after charges of cowardice were leveled against him". Per WP:Checklist#chronology, I believe most readers will assume this came after Brandywine ... but if the charges first came during Brandywine, it would be fine to say that.
  • Done - Took your suggestion
  • "to urge for Sumner's promotion": "to lobby for Sumner's promotion" or "to urge them to promote Sumner" would work
  • Done - "to nominate Sumner for promotion" is more accurate
  • "Due to his leave of absence, Sumner was not present at the Siege of Savannah in September and October 1779, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.": Sumner was on a leave of absence in September and October 1779 during the Siege of Savannah, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.
  • Done
  • "decimated": This is a "skunked" word, that is, a word made useless because people insist on using it to mean completely different things (reduced by a tenth vs. annihilated)
  • Done - I even know that word is incorrect in usage of the sort, but it instinctively comes out when I'm writing.
  • "that State" (x2): the state
  • Done - that's my attorney designatory language coming out, where every pronoun has to be replaced by a reflexive pronoun or demonstrative adjective, so that the meaning is clear.
  • "once again fallen ill, began to slack off": "slack off" is informal, and was he really slacking off? Would it be enough to say that he failed to report to Greene for several months at a time?
  • Done - removed the slacking off portion. Don't know why that was used. That was toward the end of my marathon improvement session, I must have been tired.
  • "Post-war, death, and legacy": "post-war" (or postwar) is an adjective according to the usual dictionaries, not an adverb or noun
  • Done
  • "a monument that was part of a plan to create a": Would "a monument intended as a ..." or "a monument designed as a ..." work?
  • Done - "A monument designed as..."
  • Otherwise:
GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:
    - Dank (push to talk) 04:13, 26 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your review, @Dank:, and for your many constructive edits! Cdtew (talk) 13:25, 26 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Passed. I can tell you're rapidly getting better at this, which is more than enough compensation for me. - Dank (push to talk) 13:45, 26 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]