Talk:Jethro Sumner/GA1
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Reviewer: Dank (talk · contribs) 02:16, 26 June 2013 (UTC)
Review
- The toolbox checks out.
- I recommend replacing "Sumner" with "he" throughout,
if "he" wouldn't be ambiguousin paragraphs where you've already mentioned Sumner once and where "he" wouldn't be ambiguous.
- Done - Although my definition of ambiguous might be different than yours.
- "William Smallwood a Continental Army general": William Smallwood, a Continental Army general
- Done
- "long arms": Either link to long gun or say what kind of long arms they were.
- Done - changed to "guns".
- "After the death of General Francis Nash, then in command of the North Carolina Brigade, at Germantown,": After the death at Germantown of General ...
- Done
- "Assemby": sp
- Done.
- "resigned after Brandywine due to charges of cowardice that had been leveled against him": I believe WP:Checklist#because is relevant here. "resigned after charges of cowardice were leveled against him". Per WP:Checklist#chronology, I believe most readers will assume this came after Brandywine ... but if the charges first came during Brandywine, it would be fine to say that.
- Done - Took your suggestion
- "to urge for Sumner's promotion": "to lobby for Sumner's promotion" or "to urge them to promote Sumner" would work
- Done - "to nominate Sumner for promotion" is more accurate
- "Due to his leave of absence, Sumner was not present at the Siege of Savannah in September and October 1779, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.": Sumner was on a leave of absence in September and October 1779 during the Siege of Savannah, which was a disaster for the Continental Army.
- Done
- "decimated": This is a "skunked" word, that is, a word made useless because people insist on using it to mean completely different things (reduced by a tenth vs. annihilated)
- Done - I even know that word is incorrect in usage of the sort, but it instinctively comes out when I'm writing.
- "that State" (x2): the state
- Done - that's my attorney designatory language coming out, where every pronoun has to be replaced by a reflexive pronoun or demonstrative adjective, so that the meaning is clear.
- "once again fallen ill, began to slack off": "slack off" is informal, and was he really slacking off? Would it be enough to say that he failed to report to Greene for several months at a time?
- Done - removed the slacking off portion. Don't know why that was used. That was toward the end of my marathon improvement session, I must have been tired.
- "Post-war, death, and legacy": "post-war" (or postwar) is an adjective according to the usual dictionaries, not an adverb or noun
- Done
- "a monument that was part of a plan to create a": Would "a monument intended as a ..." or "a monument designed as a ..." work?
- Done - "A monument designed as..."
- Otherwise:
- It is reasonably well written.
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (reference section):
b (citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
- a (reference section):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects):
b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of view policy.
- Fair representation without bias:
- Fair representation without bias:
- It is stable.
- No edit wars, etc.:
- No edit wars, etc.:
- It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):
b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
- a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales):
- Overall:
- Pass/Fail:
- - Dank (push to talk) 04:13, 26 June 2013 (UTC)
- Pass/Fail:
Thanks for your review, @Dank:, and for your many constructive edits! Cdtew (talk) 13:25, 26 June 2013 (UTC)
Passed. I can tell you're rapidly getting better at this, which is more than enough compensation for me. - Dank (push to talk) 13:45, 26 June 2013 (UTC)