Talk:Kidnapping of Jaycee Dugard/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 13:21, 9 June 2016 (UTC) Wow, this is something new I should try. I will be reviewing this in the next few days. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 13:21, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Sainsf. Thank you for taking this on so quickly. I just noticed that June 10th is the 25th year anniversary of her kidnapping and also that she will have her third WP:On This Day mention on the 10th. She has a new book coming out this month too according to an article I read several months ago. Cheers! {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 02:45, 10 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Whoa, did not know that. I just found that this might be the first article on a kidnapping that might make it to GA! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 12:49, 10 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Sainsf. I am moving along. I am stuck on a couple of your points because I do not understand them. I will note them. Did I tell you her article got 40,000 page views on the 10th because she was "On This Day" on the main page? Normally, she sees about 2500 page views per day. Cheers! {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 07:22, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Interesting fact. My comments should be clearer now. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:04, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Fairly well-written. Nitpicks: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 12:49, 10 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Should be a good three paras long for an article of this length. Cover all major points of the article

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 12:34, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

See if you mention any potentially controversial statements in the lead. They may need a citation to support them in the lead.

Done. Will revisit when lead is expanded. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 04:36, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Background of kidnappers

Nothing mandatory, but maybe we should have a similar section for the victims, "Background of victim(s)" (presently much of "Abduction") and put Jaycee's image there?

GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR THIS?

Nothing more. I just wondered if you could separate out the part about her family into a separate section and shift the image. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:04, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Sainsf. I will see if somebody else can tackle that. I am spent. As a workaround I did move the image up to where it was more germane. I think we should take her age out of that photo because it has her at 36 when the picture is at 11. Cheers! {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 12:34, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Sainsf. In the meantime I put her picture in the lead infobox. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 05:33, 16 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Presently the image does not quite fit in with "Reappearance", when we talk of her as an adult.

Done. Moved image up to Captivity for now. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 07:02, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Moved. Up in the infobox now with a caption showing her age. What do you think? I believe the victim's photo should be higher on the page than the perpetrators'. Cheers! {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 18:03, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Perhaps introduce Phillip when you begin the article?

NOT SURE WHAT YOU WANT HERE.

I mean begin with something like "the arrestee in the case" (I prefer introducing people when I begin with the main article unless the article is too short). Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:04, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 10:39, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

who resides in Brentwood Just to make sure, is his father still alive?

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 05:18, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Abduction

Ken Slayton, Dugard's biological father Slayton should be introduced at first mention, in the 1st para

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 05:55, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Garrido would visit her...the first time. Source?

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 05:41, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I think you can simply call him "Phillip" instead of using the full name. At other places you call him "Garrido". There needs to be some consistency in this. Same may apply to Nancy.

Done. For both. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 04:37, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Captivity

I see some overciting at places in "Pregnancy and children"

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 21:10, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

In the same subsection, does "blog" really need a link?

Delinked. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 08:44, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

First point is unsourced in "Missed opportunities to rescue Dugard"

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 20:26, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Dugard's aunt, Tina Dugard, and a former...didn't wear unusual clothing. This appears to belong more to "Reappearance" or "Aftermath"

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 20:30, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Reappearance

Some overciting at the end of the 1st para

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 06:30, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

It may be helpful to add a short inline explanation of Stockholm Syndrome, I had to chase a link to know what it means (readers don't usually need details, links are anyway there for those who do)

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 20:38, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

the case of Michaela Garecht Readers may be interested to know what is being referred to, perhaps add a few words

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 21:27, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

40 miles from Garrido's Contra Costa residence, 15 miles in excess of the 25-mile limit from his home Consider using convert templates

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 08:44, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Aftermath

Shawn Hornbeck, another abduction survivor, also commented on the case "What was the comment?" would be a natural question

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 03:22, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Dugard's memoir, A Stolen Life, was published on July 12, 2011, by Simon & Schuster. Source?

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 08:44, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Dugard, who did not attend the sentencing, had sent a written statement that was read aloud in court: Source for the quote?

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 04:35, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

In media

A few days before the book was released, Dugard gave her first extensive television interview to ABC's Diane Sawyer. Source?

Sourced. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 08:44, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sources

WILL GO THROUGH REFS WITH FLEA COMB.

That's the spirit. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:04, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 10:38, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Per revision [1]

A few deadlinks [2]

Done: except #86 here. Working on it. "Clash over Nancy Garrido's attorney remains unsettled" {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 06:45, 13 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Removed stale dead link. Move other ref to end of paragraph. The reference existed, so the statement is valid. A copy of the order could be obtained from the court. I do go to Placerville several times a year or pass through it. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 07:39, 16 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Accessdate needed in refs 25, 27, 28, 30, 34, 35, 38–41, 44, 45, 55, 62 and possibly a few others I may have missed

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 10:38, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Date needed for refs 29 (deadlink), 59, 74 and possibly a few others I may have missed

Done. Will look for more. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 22:39, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

ISBN needed for ref 36 (and see below)

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 08:44, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Proper formatting needed in 42 (looks like this should be combined with ref 18), 43, 54, 67, 68 (Allen, Nick), 69 (list last names first), 93.

Done. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 20:03, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Sainsf. I think I nailed it all down except the family section. Cheers! {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 12:34, 14 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I feel all necessary changes have been made, the suggestion about Family shouldn't be a reason not to promote this. This is a GA now. Cheers| Sainsf (talk · contribs) 11:21, 16 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Sainsf. Thank you for your good work on this. I promise to continue to buff this article including getting a Family background section built out. Twofingered Typist made four passes through the article in the past day and polished things too. Per TfT's suggestion I am going to spend several hours making sure every single URL is archived properly so none of them will suffer from linkrot. I am working on getting an image or two of the Garrido's filthy compound in Antioch and also I plan to stop at the Placerville, CA courthouse to see if there is anything worthy of scanning to the Commons. FYI, I did a calculation and this article gets over 900,000 page views annually. People are still interested in the details of this. BTW, the FBI yesterday announced a nationwide push to find the Golden California Killer who committed heinous crimes in my town and throughout California. It has been a cold case for 40 years and the perp may be as old as 75 if he is still alive. I will have to go check and see if there is an article on it which I am sure there is. Cheers! {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 21:24, 16 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Corinne

I just read through the article kind of quickly. I'll read it more carefully tomorrow. I'd just like to ask why you use Phillip Garrido's first name to refer to him rather than his last name. Is it because his wife's last name is also Garrido? What do you think of referring to Phillip by his last name, Garrido, and his wife by either "his wife", "Nancy Garrido", or "Nancy"? Would that be too odd? I think it might work because, besides Jaycee Dugard, the article is mainly about him, not his wife. It just seems to me that "Phillip" is too informal, too intimate, for this article. – Corinne (talk) 03:45, 18 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Checkingfax: This needs more work to maintain consistency. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:02, 18 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, Corinne and Sainsf. Nancy was equally culpable for the kidnapping. She condoned the sexual abuse and the false imprisonment. They are both Garridos. It would be good to break things up with "her husband" and "his wife". Can you please do it? I will muck it up and I completely trust your advice and judgment. People need to not forget the Mrs. was in the thick of it. There was a bit of Mr. and Mrs. in the article before and it looked odd. Cheers! {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 06:53, 19 June 2016 (UTC) Reping Sainsf. {{u|Checkingfax}} {Talk} 08:06, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]