Talk:Koudelka/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 00:07, 10 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

We meet again! Cognissonance (talk) 00:07, 10 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

PlayStation home console WP:SEAOFBLUE
The second and third sentences both use "the game" after each beginning. Vary.

Gameplay

A battle from the game, showing main protagonist Koudelka during the game's opening battle. Needlessly repetitive. I suggest removing what comes before "main".
where story sequences play I want this in parentheses, it reads like it needs pause.
monsters spawned within Nemeton Improve flow: "monsters that spawn within Nemeton".
3D Perhaps link to the appropriate article, and/or write it in its full form.
rendered as a 3D character model—explores environments created using pre-rendered Could you use another word for the first instance of "rendered"?
with the number of items which can be carried by the party being limited Clarify: "with a limited number of items carried by the party".
with battles being governed by a turn-based system "with" is also used in the next sentence after a comma. I suggest: "where battles are governed by a turn-based system".
Each player character "Each" also began the last sentence. Simplify with "Player characters".
Don't the party gains experience points + raises their experience level = the same thing? Maybe just clarify the latter with "to level up".

Synopsis

Link "Game Over" to Game over.

Development

for Secret of Mana, Seiken Densetsu 3 and Sōkaigi for Square Doesn't it make more sense to say "at Square"?
and during their talk Kikuta outlined It's already from the POV of Kikuta, so there's no need in repeating his name. It would also flow better as "and during their talk, outlined".
many pitfalls he felt the role-playing genre was falling into Improve prose: "the many pitfalls of the role-playing genre".
Koudelka began development in 1998 following the foundation of Sacnoth, with Kikuta acting as producer, director, writer and composer "with" is used too much for comfort. Perhaps separate the sentence into "Koudelka began development in 1998 following the foundation of Sacnoth. Kikuta acted as producer, director, writer and composer".
easy so even adults Reads informally: "easy enough that adults".
Ref. 18 (RPGamer) is dead.
the techniques used for motion capture sessions were on a competitive level with the techniques Avoid repetition: "the techniques used for motion capture sessions were on a competitive level with those".
Edward's actor Michael Bradberry acted as the mood maker during recording Who said this?
which featured the actors voicing the characters acting out cutscenes This is confusing. Wasn't this mentioned in the first sentence of the paragraph?
with Kikuta acting as an executive producer for the sessions Simplify: "with Kikuta as executive producer".
The director was David Waldman What makes him different from the game director?

Scenario and art design

the group experienced This breaks the sentence, remove it for flow.
His choice of 1898 as the game's setting Avoid repetition: "His choice of 1898 as the year in which it is set".
The uneasy coexistence and clashes of magic and science was an element Seems like plural to me.
The characters were designed by Yūji Iwahara. According to Kikuta, Iwahara created Avoid repetition of "According to Kikuta" and improve flow: "The characters were designed by Yūji Iwahara, who created".
elements raning from its origins What is being said here?
inspired by St Davids to contemporary additions Clarify.

Music

To compose the most of the game's tracks Remove the first "the".
the better sequencing compared to the software he used for earlier games was very useful when creating the score for the CGI cutscenes Hard to read and uses the word "very".
The subsection begins a lot of sentences with "The".
The album received generally positive reviews from music critics. The music was alternately praised Why are these separate?

Release

Refs. 33 and 34 (RPGamer) are dead.

Media adaptations

musical exerts I assume this should be "excerpts".

Reception

Japanese gaming magazine Famitsu compared the game's atmosphere Replace "the game's" with the title to avoid repetition.
praised the tone and presentation of the game, in addition to praising its localization Synonymize either "praised" or "praising".
faulted several mechanics such as saving and equipment limitations.[2] Alley found the mixture of gameplay styles strange, and faulted Avoid repetition.
The last paragraph uses "praised" a lot.

Overall

The article is well researched, but the prose is hard to read and understand at times, with moments of simply bad writing. The notes alone won't suffice. It needs a heavy copy editing (preferably from the Guild) to meet this requirement. Until then, I'm afraid I have to fail this nomination. Cognissonance (talk) 17:30, 10 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]