Talk:Lost in Paradise (Evanescence song)/GA1

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 18:02, 10 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Grabbing this for a review as I do like this band. Aoba47 (talk) 18:02, 10 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Lead and infobox

I would suggest adding ALT text to the image.
For the following sentence (A snippet of the song premiered online on July 15, 2011), I would clarify that the snippet was premiered online prior the album's release.
Please add the years in which "Joga" and "My Immortal" were released.
I would change "the hiatus of Evanescence" to "Evanescence's hiatus" just to be a little less wordy there.
I would recommend putting a short descriptive phrase in front of Bjork just to identify here and saying Bjork's single instead of Bjork's "Joga" just for clarity.
In the following sentence (The song was compared with Björk's "Jóga" and the band's own song "My Immortal".), you use "song" twice in close proximity so I would encourage you to revise it.
Please link music critics.
I would some information about the music video to the lead.
Add a bit about the reception of the live performances, specifically the tour performances, to the lead.

Done

Background

Please add ALT text to the image.
I would add "Evanescence frontwoman" in front of Amy Lee just to make it clear who she is. Remember that the lead and the body of the article are treated separately so you will have to re-introduce people and ideas to the reader separately from the lead. Link Evanescence again in this context
Link the album, and I would encourage you to make it more clear that the song is from the album as you first mention the album in the second paragraph. Also, add the year in which the album was released.

I think it would be obvious at this point. If you'd like it, please be bold.

The addition of the phrase " three months prior to the release of its album, Evanescence." covers it for me as prior to that edit, the album was not directly identified or linked in the body of the article. Aoba47 (talk) 23:09, 10 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Again, I would clarify that the snippet of the song was released prior to the album's full release.
The quote at the end of the first paragraph is rather lengthy and I am not sure if all of it is entirely necessary. I would suggest cutting it down a little, and paraphrasing more.
In the beginning of the second paragraph, change "she" with "Lee" just to make the subject clear.
The quote at the beginning of the second paragraph is rather long, and I would look more critically at it. Some of the quote can stay, but I also think some of it can work better as paraphrased by you.
You do not need a comma between "May" and "2012"

I think an unaware Brit may have gotten away with that, I think they tend to do that...

I think you can say just "Fuse" instead of "Fuse TV".
For the following sentences (Lee went to Toronto's Liberty Studios on August 22, to preview five mastered songs from Evanescence to a selected crowd of thirty people. "Lost in Paradise" was one of the five previewed songs.), I think there is a way to revise it to read better as it is a little repetitive at the moment.
In the phrase (Lee went to Toronto's Liberty Studios on August 22), add the year to make the timeline clear.
In the final sentence of the second paragraph, I would add that they released it as a digital download.

Done

Composition

I am a little confused by this part of the sentence (doing normal things in her life, but still feeling like she was not "whole".) as I am not sure what is meant by "normal things".

Does "simpler life" sound better? They mean like your average family, away from the band.

You repeat "James Montgomery of MTV News" twice in close proximity. You can use the writer's last name after you introduce him.
Something about the author attribution in this sentence (Starting with piano and Lee's vocals, the song slowly builds, "layering on stirring strings, booming timpani and, at the climax, some thunderous guitar chords" as stated by James Montgomery of MTV News) sounds a little odd and I would look at it again.
Add the year in which "My Immortal" was released. Same for Fallen.
Would you find it beneficial to add an audio sample to the article? The article is great either way so I understand if you would not like to. I just wanted to raise this point with you.

Possibly at another time when I figure out how to do it. I have never uploaded one, but once I can learn how to do that fairly, I will. In the meantime, I think I've done everything. dannymusiceditor ^{Speak up!} 12:44, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Once this section is addressed, I will pass this article. Aoba47 (talk) 04:12, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

Link critics in the first sentence to music criticism.
I am a little confused by the structure of this section. I would advise that you make the two paragraphs have clear topics or focuses to guide the reader through the reviews. Right now, it seems a little randomly separated into two paragraphs with no clear direction.

Perhaps it is because it's 11:11 pm right now and I'm tired, but I don't know what direction I should take it in. I thought the second was well grouped (mostly, and is now), and removed one which I had second thoughts about in the first, but I don't know where else to take it.

After reading through it again, it looks fine to me. I think I was just being overly nitpicky when reading it through so I apologize for that. Aoba47 (talk) 04:12, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Digital Spy should be in italics. Same for PopMatters.

Done if you like my changes, if not let me know what else I can do.

Chart performance

In the phrase (The same week it peaked), add a comma between "week" and "it".

Music video

Would it be beneficial to combine this section with the one on the live performances as both sections are a little short? I will leave this up to you as either way is good.

You're right, they're short. I don't know if it's a lot better, but it's some better in my opinion, at least.

Thank you for addressing this; feel free to change it in the future to fit your preference as I think either way is fine. Aoba47 (talk) 04:14, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

In "the Carnival Of Madness Tours", does tours need to be capitalized?
Were there any reviews for the music video?

Considering it's the studio track overdubbed completely over live footage, I doubt it.

Makes sense; just wanted to double-check. Aoba47 (talk) 04:14, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Done

Live performances

Add a link to the tour in this section, and state the name of the tour.

I will link now; but really do you think it does any good when it's literally called the Evanescence Tour?

I see your point; I think it is fine as it is. Aoba47 (talk) 04:14, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

In (Along with "Bring Me to Life" (2003) the song), Add a comma between (2003) and "the song".
This sentence (Along with "Bring Me to Life" (2003) the song was played in the band's performance with a live orchestra for the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Norway on December 11, 2011) could be revised to read better; the phrase "was played in the band's performance" reads a little weird to me.

Done

Track listing

I do not believe "My Immortal" needs to be linked.

Why wouldn't it?

It has already been linked in the article so re-linking it does not seem helpful. Aoba47 (talk) 03:44, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Whether it was from a different era of the band or not, or a full-length release or not, it's still a track listing. Track listings in music are typically exceptions to WP:OVERLINK. dannymusiceditor ^{Speak up!} 12:34, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Charts

Everything looks good here.

Release history

The chart seems to be a little off (the final column) so please look at that again.

I was aware of this, if I knew how to fix it I would.

I have fixed it for you. Aoba47 (talk) 03:46, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

References

Allmusic should be AllMusic
In Reference 33, please do not put the band's name in all caps.

Done

Final comment

Wonderful work with this article; once my comments are addressed, I will be more than happy to pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 18:34, 10 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Aoba47: Courtesy ping as it appears you were not pinged above. I have not in depth gone over this but it appears that a lot of {{done}} templates have been left under your points. --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:40, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments; almost all of the comments have been addressed, expect for those raised for the "Composition" section. I will pass this once the final comments are addressed. Aoba47 (talk) 03:47, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Verdict

Thank you for addressing all of my comments. You have done wonderful work with this article. I will ✓ Pass this as a good article. Aoba47 (talk) 14:29, 14 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.