Talk:Maikel Kieftenbeld/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: EchetusXe (talk · contribs) 21:04, 16 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Just a few thoughts on how to improve then I believe it warrants a passing grade:

Intro

"Kieftenbeld began his football career with a local club" - local to where?
Clarify that the Toulon Tournament appearances were for the 'Beloftenelftal'.

Personal life

"where the five-year-old Maikel began playing football" - probably better to say 'where Maikel began playing football at the age of five'.

Club career

"make the grade" - is an idiom and probably best avoided.
"reduced his yellow-card count in the first half of the season from the customary five or six to just one" - should make the meaning clear that he usually received around that number of cards in the past rather it being a custom.
"an unfortunate incident" - could remove reference to the incident being fortunate or not to help maintain a more neutral tone.
"Kieftenbeld registered three in 22 days" - three goals

Style of play

"his determination to keep the game moving can earn him yellow cards" - how so?
"Kieftenbeld described himself as a perfectionist who always wanted to improve, and sometimes put too much pressure on himself" - '..to improve, and said that he sometimes..' or similar.

That's all. Great article.--Echetus Xe 21:04, 16 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@EchetusXe: Thank you for a helpful review. I think I've fixed everything. The only bit I had trouble with was your first point in the style of play section. When writing that sentence, I always felt I was flirting with too-close paraphrasing, so I've changed it to a direct quote of the relevant bit of source: "He really tries to shake up things when the play has gone dormant. In that lies his weakness as well - he can pick up silly fouls and cards from time to time." The answer to "how so?" is think Lee Cattermole without the technical ability (and, to be fair, without the viciousness that Cattermole appeared to have in his younger days): Kieftenbeld sometimes appears to get frustrated and throws himself about rather too wildly. If you can rephrase it more clearly so that we can get rid of the direct quote, it'd be appreciated, but I don't think I can. Thanks again, cheers, Struway2 (talk) 08:10, 18 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

OK excellent work. Worthy of a pass.--Echetus Xe 08:16, 18 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]