Talk:NG Life/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 05:29, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 05:29, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Appreciated, even if there is no GA potential. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 07:34, 21 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'll give the full review tomorrow. Right now I feel like it's missing something after a skim, so am reading through other Manga GAs, as it might just be my imagination. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:31, 22 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Figured that part out. The main thing that I feel like it's missing is a style or production type section. Look at IC in a Sunflower and 12 Days for examples of what I'd like to see added if you can find the sources for it. Besides that, here are my issues:

"It was serialized in Hakusensha's Hana to Yume from December 2005 till March 2009." to March

Took your suggestion

"Reviews has been mixed about the series with reviewers alluring the typical art style and characters." have been, and the second part could be rewritten, confusing as is.

Took your suggestion for the first part. For the second part, I was confused on what to do. Reviewers praised or panned the same things so I re-worded it as such.

The lead could be expanded. Given the article's size it's rather short.

I could probably add one-two sentence based on the plot to extend it and a line about the sixth volume charting in Japan. Once I figure out how to fit it in.

"Keidai meets other people who retain memories of Pompeii and discovered Sirix's guilt in failing to save his friends is the reason why he retains his memories" the second part doesn't read well. Maybe .."and discover that Sirix's..." would work.

Took your suggestion

"When he falls into a coma, " when who?

Reworded to "When Keidai falls into a coma, he...."

"the reincarnation of his Sirix's wife." huh? either he or Sirix doesn't belong in that statement

Took out "his"

"Yuuma and Reina's similar personalities causes them to argue but eventually become good friends" cause them to argue, but eventually they become

Removed as I believe this isn't significant to the character himself.

"knowing Keidai harbors feelings for Serena" confusing, as the previous couple sections seem to contradict this. Either way, that's combining the past and present characters a bit too closely in one sentence and needs rewording.

It was the initial reason before the plot began so I reworded it to say "She has a crush on Keidai but remains silent about it, fearing it would ruin their friendship." which was the reason during the series.

"and hates Keida for" Keidai

Fixed

"he grew up hearing stories of Pomepeii" Pompeii

Fixed

The volume list could use a copyedit as well; unlike the above sections I'm not listing every little tweak for that.

Will have some fresh eyes look at this before the 7 day period.

"between January 20 and 26 in 2009." either remove the in and add a comma there, or perhaps just say the week of January 20.

Took your suggestion

The reception is a bit on the short side. Find more if you can, but if that's all then that's ok, since you already addressed that in the GA note.

I'm willing to put the article on hold for a week, but there's a lot to fix, and if you'd rather I fail it so you can take your time improving it then that's fine. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:31, 24 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Style and theme needs reviewers to state it which is difficult with the lack of reception. The production section was short so I combined it with the release section. It is the second paragraph there. I will continue to address the problems during the time given. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 10:12, 24 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The fixes so far look good. I'll do another read through the volumes and see what I can find to fix. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 17:56, 24 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Here's part two of my review:

"and Keidai realizes it is" realizes it as
The Scene number-number should read as Scenes
"with Keida and Yuuma playing volleyball. Yuuma swears that he will confess his feelings to Mii if he defeats Keida" fix both Keidas to Keidai.
"Keidai, Mii, Yuuma, take Reina with them " Mii, and Yuuma take

Once these are fixed, I'll pass the article. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:54, 24 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Just a heads up. I don't plan to do any serious editing until after Christmas. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 11:20, 25 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Not a problem, I'll leave this on hold a few more days. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:40, 25 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I addressed the four points and did some copy-editing in the volume section. I should be able to contact someone to go over the volume section soon. I also added these sentences to the lead

In the present, Keidai is reunited with his past life wife who has reincarnated as a male; meanwhile his male best friend is reincarnated as a female with feelings for Keidai.
In Japan, the sixth volume of NG Life was ranked 25th on the Tohan charts.

DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 08:27, 27 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

After reading through the article again, everything checks out. While a copyedit throughout would be nice, I think it's okay for GA as is, so I'm passing it. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 21:11, 28 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]