Talk:Ollie Watkins/GA1

GA Review

Unsuccessful. 750h+ | Talk 05:59, 20 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: 750h+ (talk · contribs) 13:03, 7 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hey I’ll review this. This will be my first review, so please bear with me! I’ll look into this soon. 750h+ (talk) 13:03, 7 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead section

When it says "winning the EFL Young Player of the Year award, before departing in 2017 for Brentford.", a comma isn't needed. You can change it based on your own opinion. 750h+ (talk) 00:38, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"and being named Championship Player of the Year in 2020." I suggest changing it being changed to "named the Championship Player of the Year in 2020" 750h+ (talk) 03:43, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and education

"Oliver George Arthur Watkins was born on 30 December 1995 in Torbay Hospital in Torquay, Devon." It should be rephrased to "30 December 1995 at Torbay Hospital in Torquay, Devon." 750h+ (talk) 03:49, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Change the section name to "Early life". "Education" isn't necessary since it is a short section. 750h+ (talk) 03:49, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Club career

"Watkins joined Exeter City's academy at U11 level, having previously failed a trial with the club at the age of 9 in 2003." Change the "9" to nine. Integers from zero to nine are spelled out in words, per MOS:NUMERAL. 750h+ (talk) 03:53, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"He rose through the youth ranks to sign a scholarship deal in 2012 and off the back of scoring 30 goals for the U18 team in its 2013–14 Football League Youth Alliance South West Conference-winning season, he signed a two-year professional contract in April 2014." Long sentence. I suggest changing it to "After rising through the youth ranks, he signed a scholarship deal in 2012. He scored 30 goals for the U18 team in the 2013-14 season, helping them win the Football League Youth Alliance South West Conference. He later signed a two-year professional contract in April 2014. 750h+ (talk) 03:57, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"He had a fantastic month in March, scoring four goals in six appearances to win the Football League Young Player of the Month and PFA Fans' Player of the Month awards." For neutrality reasons, I recommended changing "fantastic" to "successful". 750h+ (talk) 04:05, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Suggest changing "By March 2016, Watkins had broken into the starting line-up" to something a little less aggressive such as "By March 2016, Watkins earned a spot in the starting line-up". 750h+ (talk) 04:08, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"Two of the goals came in the return Devon derby with Plymouth Argyle, in which his late brace sealed a 2–1 comeback victory and the second goal was subsequently voted as the club's Goal of the Season." Rephrase to "in which his late brace sealed a 2–1 comeback victory, with the second goal later being voted as the club's Goal of the Season." 750h+ (talk) 04:12, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"Watkins scored the first hat-trick of his career in a 4–1 win over Newport County on 31 December 2016 and his two goals and five assists in January 2017 saw him win the League Two Player of the Month award." Add a comma after 31 December 2016. 750h+ (talk) 04:15, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"On 9 April, he was awarded the EFL Young Player of the Year award for his performances during the season." It would be nicer if we could clarify that it was 2017 you are talking about, since there is no mention of it in the paragraph. 750h+ (talk) 04:16, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"reported to be £1.8 million" change to "reportedly £1.8 million" 750h+ (talk) 04:17, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"On 9 August 2019, Watkins signed a new four-year contract with a one-year extension option." Remove "new". 750h+ (talk) 04:18, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"In joining Aston Villa, Watkins was reunited with manager Dean Smith who had originally signed him for Brentford." Change to "In joining Aston Villa, Watkins was reunited with manager Dean Smith, with whom he had originally signed for Brentford." 750h+ (talk) 04:20, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

International career

Is there a way we can merge some of the paragraphs? Single sentence paragraphs should be avoided. However, because this is a short article I can let it go for now. 750h+ (talk) 04:22, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Style of play

I pass this.

Other concerns

"On 9 August 2019, Watkins signed a new four-year contract with a one-year extension option.[30] He scored his first hat-trick for the club in the Championship against Barnsley in a 3–1 win on 29 September.[31]" That is a Twitter source. I usually wouldn't accept those sources but because it is a source published by one of his clubs I will. 750h+ (talk) 04:45, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Archive some of the references through the Wayback Machine. Some are dead and some might potentially die. Archive the ones you think might die or ones that are dead. 750h+ (talk) 04:37, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Files

The single file is a cropped version of this file. It is freely licensed, so that is a file pass :).

File:Ollie Watkins 2021.jpg: CC BY-SA 4.0, uploaded to Commons by registered user.

Other

Add alt text to the image per WP:ALT. 750h+ (talk) 05:16, 8 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

GA review

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)
It is reasonably well written. a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists): It is factually accurate and verifiable. a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism): It is broad in its coverage. a (major aspects): b (focused): It follows the neutral point of view policy. Fair representation without bias: It is stable. No edit wars, etc.: It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate. a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall: Pass/Fail:
· · ·

Verdict

With no response, I'm going to have to fail this GA nomination. Please open a new nomination once you are ready to address the concerns. 750h+ | Talk 05:59, 20 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.