Talk:Paul Walsh/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Tomandjerry211 (alt) (talk · contribs) 23:17, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'll be review this article. Here are the issues:

"Stomach injury" If possible, mention what happened that led to that.

Sorry it didn't say.--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"Substituted for 60 minutes". You could just write like this: "Substituted for one hour"

OK, changed that.--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

"He contracted a virus...". What virus?

Again didn't specify which one, so possibly they were never sure what it was exactly or it was something obscure.--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

There's a significant reliance on his autobiography. Could you possibly vary your sources?

I have found a few more sources and added them in.--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The Walsh cite is a Harv error.

How do you mean?--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Any more images?

Not of Walsh no. I could add in the FA Cup in the honours section or Bobby Robson to the international career section or something if you think that would improve the article.--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The first paragraph seems like it should be in a separate section. Also, could more info be provided about his earlier years?

I have moved it. I added a sentence another about his Londinium club. Other than that he was a typical young football who just spent his time training and relaxing at home etc.--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Link pundit in lead.

Done.--Echetus Xe 11:08, 6 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

--Tomandjerry211 (alt) (talk) 23:17, 5 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

OK thank you for the points @Tomandjerry211 (alt):, I have responded and acted upon them.--Echetus Xe 22:24, 7 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]
comment Just to add here, self-published sources should be used carefully. Lines currently in the article supported by his biography such as "Walsh was lucky to even make the bench", "he trained hard, ate right and acted professionally during summer 1992 to start the 1992–93 pre-season in good condition" and "He recovered to build a strong partnership with Guy Whittingham, whilst talented midfielders Alan McLoughlin and Mark Chamberlain made a highly effective four-pronged attack, and with two games to go Portsmouth were top of the table and needed only to beat struggling Sunderland to secure an automatic promotion place.", among other sentences, should be carefully re-written so as not to include so many peacock terms and avoid passing off opinion as fact. C 679 13:09, 9 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

His autobiography was honest and I don't think there is any bias in the article. However I take your point that those phrases could be written more neutrally and I have now done so. Thanks.--Echetus Xe 14:57, 9 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Passing, well done.Tomandjerry211 (alt) (talk) 00:19, 22 April 2016 (UTC)[reply]