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Talk:Popotan/GA1

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GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch


Lead
  • The lead is too long. It should be short enough yet provide enough general context to hook the reader in. You should move most of the material in that third paragraph out of the lead and into the Development section. You may also want to use the tips and pointers set out at Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Newsletter/20080409 to make a good three-paragraph lead.
    • I had a discussion on this with someone else. My reasoning for 4 paragraphs is that the last paragraph talks about the name, something important to understanding the series. Most games do not need a detailed explanation on their name like this game does. The guideline is intended to be for standard usage. Otherwise the rest of the paragraphs are similar.じんない 21:30, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Referencing via inline citations in the lead should be done only if the information is not mentioned elsewhere in the article. That is, if the same fact is mentioned in the main body of the article, then keep the citation there and remove the citation in the lead (see WP:LEADCITE). This prevents redundant citation–referencing and makes the lead more presentable for readers.
    •  Done What is left are citations for stuff not discussed later or notes. I combined the manga section to the lead since it was a 1-sentence stub. The citations on dandelion are kept because while the citations are used later, they are not used for that context.じんない 22:02, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I have removed some excess linking in the infobox (with the exception of the ESRB rating since that is templated) per WP:OVERLINK. I have also replaced the flag icons with superscript country codes, which makes it easier for the page to load (since it results in fewer HTTP requests). See my edit here.
Images
  • The fair-use rationales in the images need to be strengthened up a bit on all of them to comply with WP:NFCC#8; that is, spell it out specifically what the images do and why they are necessary to enhance readers' understanding of Popotan. Look at the rationales given in the images Super Mario 64, StarCraft, and The Guardian Legend for some good examples.
  • Make sure they are of the lowest possible resolution to comply with WP:NFCC#3. The infobox and animated gif images are fine, but the other two need some size reduction. For instance, the gameplay PNG can be shrank down to 150px and, using reduction software like PNGGauntlet, can reduce the filesize of the image (which is already very large at 167KB).
    • I believe most are fine per the requirement of "Low resoultion" -Is the material in a lower resolution that would be unlikely to impact the copyright owners ability to resell or otherwise profit from the work? For images, this would be strictly the resolution (in pixels) of the picture used; The images are all much smaller than the real image, which is the criteria and they are all less than .1 megapixels which is the other general criteria. Mii's image on the DVD cover could be shrunk some more to conform with the Game cover image though. Filesize itself possibly could be reduced though.じんない 22:15, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
      • I used PNGuardian and shrank the size of the screenshot. Mii's image was replaced with a png version of the cover being a more neutral picture since it depicts all 3 of the main protagonists. The game cover i chanegd to a compressed png version.じんない 23:04, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
        •  Done Fair-use rationales look better. I'll see if I can get the PNG to a smaller size with my program when I get home and use my Windows box (stupid penguin). MuZemike 17:28, 2 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
          • While the covers are fine, the screencap does lose the ability to distinguish the text which is part of the secondary purpose of the screencap, ie to show what the text looks like and confirm it's Japanese. The original size was 800x600 so at 400x300 it was not the original.じんない 02:18, 3 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Stability
  • Looks very stable and no recent edit warring.
Referencing/verifiability
  • Nearly all the references check out and are reliable in regards of what you're trying to explain. Just one source that I see is questionable: the "Uma Uma Dance" video from dailymotion.com is not readily reliable; however, this can be easily verified with the following reliable reference from Fuji News Network.
Overall coverage
  • The subject is well-covered, presented in a neutral point of view, and there are no problems with undue weight, which tends to be common with anime/mange-related article.
General prose
  • Punctuation:
    • Most of Popotan's gameplay requires little interaction from the player since for the most part the player's time... — set off the phrase for the most part with commas. Otherwise, it reads like a long-winded run-on.
    • Gameplay pauses at these points and depending on which choice the player makes, ... — insert comma after "and" to completely set off the dependent clause "depending on which choice the player makes".
    • In regards to that entire sentence in the previous bullet, it should be split into two sentences as it is too long.
  • Usage/MOS:
    • After progressing through the text, the player will either come to a "decision point" where he or she must choose — avoid using "he" or "she" when you can. This, for example, can be avoided by making the subject of the sentence plural; that is, ...players will either come to a "decision point" where they must choose...
    • Some things don't need to be wikilinked like trivial stuff such as dialogue, but other stuff should be such as the first mention of PlayStation 2 in the main body of the article. A good rule of thumb is to wikilink only once in the lead, the infobox, and once in the main body. This prevents and helps control overlinking.
      • For those I was following the linkings per other GA status visual novels like Air (visual novel). There are no FA ones for me to go by so GA was the best idea I have for a specific format (general gaming ones tend not to be so good for how to go about describing/linking/etc gameplay for visual novels).じんない 23:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • In addition, after completing Ai's scenario they player unlocks a new scenario with Unagi. — unnecessary "In addition" there as well as the extra "y".
    • Some sentences, such as In the Playstation 2 port, new events and scenes were added... can better be written using active voice instead of passive voice. For example, it could be rewritten as The PlayStation 2 port added new events and scenes.... Another example is the first sentence in the last paragraph of the Gameplay section: The use...were designed to engage the player.
    • It's PlayStation 2 and not Playstation 2. What I would do is take the first mention of "PlayStation 2" in the main body of the article and pipe-wikilink as "PlayStation 2 (PS2)", and then for the remainder of the article you can simply abbreviate as "PS2".
    • Success or failure at the mini-game — I think Succeeding or failing the mini-game sounds better, even though the current form is also correct; it eliminate the (unnecessary) usage of a prepositional phrase.
    • The first two paragraphs in the Development section could be combined into one full paragraph.
    • Under the Release Information subsection, you have two separate paragraphs describing the Popotan CD-ROM. It looks like, from a quick spot check, that these two paragraphs could also be combined into one.
      • The first paragraph describes the overall release process for all their games. The second process describes a CD game Popotan and the third paragraph a CD game Popotan together with A・SO・BO.じんない 23:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • The overall structure of the Related media section needs to be cleaned up a little. I would consider combining the Radio, Novel, Manga, and Art and Reference Books subsections into one "Other Media" subsection, with full prose.
      • I removed the manga section as it was only 1 sentance and added the info the lead. The rest however is standard format for video game articles, with perhaps Music being in it's own section sometimes (it varies) and the need for "Setting and Plot" for the anime as the anime vastly differs from the game to the point reading a plot of the game would give you a false impression of the anime. However, it was decided after a lot of discussion it may not be quite so different as to be a seperate article. It is litterly walking the fence, to use the cliche.じんない 23:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • The paragraphs are choppy and too short in the Anime subsection (compare with the Setting and Plot subsubsection where it is pretty good). The same applies with the Music, Legacy, and Visual Novel sections (with the latter, it is not normally good practice to have a one-sentence paragraph).
      • I understand, but I'm not sure I can merge them. Those are all relevant sections that cannot be easily merged per the WOF and Video Game guidelines... The information for everything but the manga is also too much to add to the lead without bloating it even more as well.じんない 23:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • Consider splitting the very last paragraph in the article into two as it is quite large.
Conclusion
  • The article passes GA criteria 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6(a) but needs work on 1 and 6(b).

Work on the lead, fair-use rationales on the images, prose, and paragraph structure, and I think this will pass for GA. I will try to make improvements whenever I can. Hence, I am putting the GA nomination on hold until the appropriate improvements can be made. Cheers, MuZemike 19:10, 26 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Update – everything looks good with the exception of the short, choppy paragraphs in the Anime and Music subsections, which I still think needs some combining of the really small paragraphs. I can work on the Music subsection right now while I have some spare time. MuZemike 17:28, 2 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
    • OK, I tried to condense down into three paragraphs in that subsection here. Basically, the first paragraph describes the theme songs, the second one describes the the release and distribution of those theme songs, and the third describes the two albums and EP. Let me know what you think and/or make corrections if necessary. MuZemike 18:03, 2 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Also - I have found some more reviews for the anime from another review site I found out about while doing the episode FLC. I don't know if you want me to wait and add them now as they will likely affect the anime review and possibly the anime section.じんない 02:32, 3 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

If it's going to change the Anime subsection, then I would say add them now so we have the structure and organization of the material set up with those in there instead of adding them at the end afterwards. MuZemike 02:52, 3 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Removed one of the review refs as it would have been removed in an FAC as being unreliable. The removal also probably helped break up that large paragraph you didn't like.じんない 04:57, 3 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed the legacy section problem.じんない 21:46, 3 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looks good per all the GA criteria. This is now a Good Article in Everyday Life! Good job! MuZemike 05:43, 4 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

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