Talk:Yarmouth Castle/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Biblioworm (talk · contribs) 15:29, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
It is verifiable.
It is broad in its coverage.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
It is stable.
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
Overall:
Pass/Fail: Pass

Notes

@Hchc2009: First of all, apologies for taking so long to start this review. It just slipped out of my memory, which unfortunately seems to be happening more frequently as of late. ;) --Biblioworm 00:46, 23 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

No problem! Let me know when you're done, and I'll respond. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:37, 27 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Biblioworm: - hope all's well. Just checking that you were still good to finish the review. :) Hchc2009 (talk) 07:24, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yes. I was actually reading the article yesterday, checking for any issues, and I plan to resume today. --Biblioworm (talk) 14:39, 14 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi - were there any more comments in the review? If not, if the review's on hold I'll start to work through them. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:35, 27 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Biblio - is the review complete? Hchc2009 (talk) 09:59, 10 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Very sorry about that! I've been caught up with RfA reform lately and I suppose this page was pushed down on my watchlist by other activity when you made your first query. I'll have it done by tomorrow. --Biblioworm 14:25, 10 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Hchc2009:

Done --Biblioworm 14:45, 10 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Should all be done now. Hchc2009 (talk) 09:03, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lede

Just under 100 feet (30 m) across, the square castle was initially equipped with 15 artillery guns and a garrison of 20 men. - I recall that numbers such as 15 and 20 should be spelled.

In point of fact, WP:MOSNUM says numbers below ten should be spelled out; numbers 10 and up that can be spelled in no more than two words can be either numbers or spelled out, and numbers that require three or more words should generally be numeric. So the usage in green is valid. BlueMoonset (talk) 22:34, 18 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]

During the 16th and 17th centuries the castle continued to be maintained and modified; the seaward half of the castle was turned into a solid gun platform and additional accommodation was built for the fort's gunners. - Would any meaning be lost if "solid" was removed?

You can have gun platforms that aren't solid; in this case they filled it all up with earth. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:59, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The fortification remained in use through the 18th and 19th centuries, albeit with a smaller garrison and fewer guns, until in 1885 these were finally withdrawn. - "until in 1885 these were finally withdrawn" -> "until these were withdrawn in 1885"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk)

In the 21st century it is operated by the heritage organisation English Heritage as a tourist attraction. - This wording seems a bit awkward to me. Perhaps it could be changed to: "The heritage organisation English Heritage currently operates the castle as a tourist attraction."

The guidance on "currentism" would prefer us to avoid "currently" I think - I've tweaked slightly, see what you think. Hchc2009 (talk) 07:59, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

History

and while France and the Empire remained in conflict with one another, maritime raids were common but an actual invasion of England seemed unlikely. - Where were these raids if England was not invaded?

Historians usually call them raids rather than invasions; a raid can be deliberately temporary, an invasion is typically permanent. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:04, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

In 1533, Henry then broke with Pope Paul III in order to annul the long-standing marriage to his wife, Catherine of Aragon and remarry. - Remove "then" and "in order"; comma after "Aragon".

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:04, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

This resulted in France and the Empire declaring an alliance against Henry in 1538, and the Pope encouraging the two countries to attack England. - "encouraging" -> "encouraged"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:04, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Henry responded in 1539 by ordering, through an instruction called a "device", the construction of fortifications along the most vulnerable parts of the coast. - This isn't a very smooth sentence. I would suggest this: "Henry responded in 1539 by ordering the construction of Device Forts along the most vulnerable parts of the coast."

I've tried an alternative - see what you think. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:04, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Henry therefore issued another device in 1544 to further improve the country's defences... - It's not possible to issue a fort, so I would perhaps say: "Henry therefore ordered the construction of more forts..."

The verb for device, though, is "issue". Hchc2009 (talk) 08:04, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The town of Yarmouth on the Isle of Wight may have been attacked by the French in 1543: if so, this raid probably encouraged the construction of a castle as part of the second wave of Device Forts. - Change the colon to a semi-colon. Add "there" after "castle", for clarification.

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:04, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

...and protected the main route from the west side of the island to the mainland. This portion is confusing. What route was this? A shipping route, perhaps? I also feel that if this is the case, "from" should be changed to "along".

Tweaked. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:04, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yarmouth Castle was a square artillery fort built around a central courtyard with an angular, "arrow-head" bastion protecting the landward side, initially equipped with three cannons and culverins, and 12 smaller guns, firing from a line of embrasures along the seaward side of the castle. Delete the comma between "angular" and "arrow-head". Link "bastion". I would also separate this into two sentences, like so: "Yarmouth Castle was a square artillery fort built around a central courtyard with an angular, "arrow-head" bastion protecting the landward side. It was initially equipped with three cannons and culverins, and 12 smaller guns, firing from a line of embrasures along the seaward side of the castle." I believe it is also appropriate grammatical practice to spell numbers like "12".

Broken up as suggestedHchc2009 (talk) 08:13, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

It was garrisoned by a small team of soldiers of a master gunner, a porter and 17 soldiers, commanded by Richard Udall, the castle's first captain.[11] Udall lived in the castle itself, but the soldiers would have resided in the local town. - Add ", consisting of" after "soldiers". Spell "17". Remove "itself" and "would have" in the second sentence.

Done, but the MOS doesn't require the spelling of 17. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:13, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

It was finished by 1547, when Mills was paid £1,000 for his work and to discharge the soldiers who had been guarding the site during the project. - "to discharge" -> "discharged"

I think "to discharge" is correct here. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:13, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Worsley filled in half of the castle's courtyard to produce an artillery platform able to hold eight heavy guns with an uninterrupted field of fire over the sea, and he probably also constructed the Master Gunner's House on the other side of the castle. – What does "filled in" mean here?

As in "to fill in", "to cause (a space or container) to become full or almost full". Hchc2009 (talk) 08:13, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Work costing £50 was carried in 1587, including the erection of an earth bulwark alongside the castle to mount additional guns. "Work" -> "Renovations"; "carried" -> "done"

Partially done; the new bulwark wasn't necessarily a renovation though. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:13, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The repairs recommended in 1599 were carried out in the first years of the 17th century and a further £300 was then invested in Yarmouth and nearby Sandown Castle in 1609, including adding two angular buttresses along the walls facing the sea. – This sentence would sound better if it were split in two, with the following edits: "The repairs recommended in 1599 were carried out in the first years of the 17th century and a further £300 was invested in Yarmouth Castle and nearby Sandown Castle in 1609, including adding two angular buttresses along the walls facing the sea.}}

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 09:03, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Suggestions that a half-moon battery should be added to the defences were not taken forwards... – "were not taken forwards" -> "did not move forward"

I've gone for a variation - see what you think Hchc2009 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Captain Barnaby Burley, a relative of John's – "John's" -> "John"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Burley finally negotiated surrender terms, including that he initially be allowed to remain in the castle with armed protection, and the castle remained in the control of Parliament for the rest of the war. – This is a rather abrupt change. First, Burley holds the castle, and in the next sentence he is negotiating surrender terms without any context. Was a sentence accidentally deleted here?

No... I've tweaked a bit. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Early during the Interregnum it was decided to increase the size of the garrison at the castle from 30 to 70 soldiers, due to concerns about a potential Royalist attack from the island of Jersey. – "30" -> "thirty"; "70" -> "seventy"

The MOS gives flexibility on this one. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The annual cost of this force came to around £78 and in 1655 the garrison was reduced again to reduce costs. – "came to around" -> "was around"; "reduced again to reduce costs" -> "made smaller to reduce costs"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

and the following year the garrison at Yarmouth was given four days notice to quit the castle. – "quit" -> "leave"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:37, 17 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The town declined to do so, however, but Charles repeated the suggestion in 1666; this time Yarmouth seems to have taken action, appointing four soldiers as a garrison, although without assigning an officer to command them, or apparently carrying out repairs to the now dilapidated castle. Delete "however". "suggestion" -> "offer"; "as a garrison" -> "for a garrison". Split the sentence at "although" and change it to "However,". After that: "without assigning an officer" -> "did not assign an officer"; "apparently carrying out repairs" -> "making repairs"

Partially done; I'm not keen on starting sentences with "However," though. Hchc2009 (talk) 09:03, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Holmes built a mansion house for himself alongside the castle, where on three occasions he hosted the King. – Remove "house".

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

In 1688, Charles's brother, James II, faced widespread revolt and a potential invasion of England by William of Orange. – "Charles's" -> "Charles'" for consistency with "Holmes'" below.

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Yarmouth Castle continued in use, and records from 1718 and 1760 show it was equipped with eight 6-pound (2.7 kg) and five 9-pound (4.1 kg) guns along the castle and the quay platforms respectively. – "continued in use" -> "continued to be used"; add a comma between "platforms" and "respectively"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Probably throughout this period it was staffed by a captain and six gunners, supported by the local militia. – Place "probably" between "was" and "staffed".

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

In the early 18th century, Holmes' mansion house was rebuilt, forming its current appearance. – Delete "house"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

By the 18th century, however, Yarmouth harbour had gradually silted up and been destroyed by industrial developments, reducing the value of the anchorage, and the design of the castle had become outmoded. – Capitalize "harbour". "anchorage" links to Anchorage, Alaska. Please fix that. Also, I think "outdated" would be more common replacement for "outmoded".

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Considerable repairs were carried out to Yarmouth Castle that year, four naval guns were installed on the castle platform along with traversing rails, and a regular county army unit was put in place to garrison the fort. – Reword this sentence to the following: "Yarmouth Castle underwent considerable repairs that year; four naval guns and traversing rails were installed on the castle platform, and a county army unit was put in place to garrison the fort."

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

In 1881 a proposal was put forward to modernise the entire fortification, but this was turned down and in 1885 the garrison and the guns were withdrawn. – "turned down" -> "rejected". The last portion of the sentence (...and in 1885 the garrison and the guns were withdrawn) is not related to the earlier part, so I would split it. I would also recommend editing some of the sentences in this paragraph so that it doesn't sound so much like a timeline (e.g., "In (year), (event). "In (year), event.").

Partially done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:49, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The War Department continued to own the castle and in 1898 it began to be used by the coastguard as a signalling station. – I would consider deleting the first part of the sentence (it will be reincorporated in the next sentence) and keeping the last part, starting at "in 1898". Also, "began to be used by the coastguard" does not flow smoothly, so I would recommend changing it to "the coastguard began to use it".

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:53, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

In 1901, the castle was passed to the Commissioners of Woods and Forests and in 1912 parts of the castle were leased to the Pier Hotel, which incorporated Robert Holmes's former mansion; the Pier eventually became the George Hotel and still occupies part of the old castle moat. – Change to first part to: "In 1901, the War Department passed the castle to the Commissioners of Woods and Forests...". Secondly, add "Hotel" after "Pier" (the one before "eventually"). Finally, in regard to the last part (and still occupies part of the old castle moat.), how can a hotel occupy a body of water?

Done. Moats don't have to be full of water though... :) Hchc2009 (talk)

The Office of Works took over control of the castle in 1913, carrying out a programme of repairs, and it was used by the military in both the First and Second World Wars. – Delete "over".

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:53, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

In the 21st century, Yarmouth Castle is managed by the heritage organisation English Heritage as a tourist attraction. – The wording here sounds unusual. I would recommend changing it to: "Yarmouth Castle is currently managed...".

Tweaked, but avoiding "currently" construction. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:53, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Architecture

The north and west walls face onto the sea, protected by angular buttresses, and a 10 metres (33 ft) wide moat originally protected the south and east side, although this has since been filled in. – Delete "onto". "metres" -> "metre"

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:58, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

...and later raised again in the 17th century to its current height. – Perhaps make this a separate sentence?

Done. Hchc2009 (talk) 08:58, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

On the first floor is a small chamber, placed on arches above the courtyard, which was used as a lodging. − Could this be clarified? I'm not sure how you place a chamber on arches.

Tweaked. It is essentially a small room placed on top of arches! Hchc2009 (talk) 08:58, 18 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]