Template:Did you know nominations/We Come from the Same Place
- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Yoninah (talk) 19:08, 7 July 2015 (UTC)
| DYK toolbox |
|---|
We Come from the Same Place
[edit]... that We Come from the Same Place is the first Allo Darlin' album to be recorded since singer Elizabeth Morris moved to Florence, Italy, whilst the rest of the band remained in London?
- Reviewed: Interstate 94 in Michigan
Created by Dennisthemonkeychild (talk). Self-nominated at 08:36, 27 May 2015 (UTC).
It could be just me, but I do not find that hook interesting. What would be interesting is discovering why Morris moved to Italy and left the band behind in London. Also, the critical reception section has too much quoting and not enough paraphrasing. @Dennisthemonkeychild: Could you copyedit the critical reception section and come up with a few ALT hooks, please? Viriditas (talk) 19:47, 21 June 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks for the comments Viriditas, I appreciate your having a look. I have now added the line about why Morris moved to Italy, but am struggling to rewrite the critical reception album without using the quotes as to do so makes the section unencyclopaedic. I'm aware of Other stuff exists but would state that on good and featured album pages direct quotes from reviews feature heavily.
- An ALT hook playing on the geography could be:
ALT1... that We Come from the Same Place by London-based Anglo-Australian indie band Allo Darlin' was recorded whilst singer Elizabeth Morris lived in Florence whilst the rest of the band remained in London?Dennisthemonkeychild (talk) 07:50, 23 June 2015 (UTC)- Great work on presenting a new hook, Dennisthemonkeychild. I see I'm dealing with an expert. Although it comes just under the limit at 199, it's still a bit long. I see what you are trying to do by juxtaposing their locations, but I wonder if shortening wouldn't also have a similar but punchier feel. Something like:
- ALT2... that indie band Allo Darlin' recorded the album We Come from the Same Place in London while their vocalist Elizabeth Morris lived in Florence, Italy?
- That hook is great, thanks Viriditas for coming up with it! Dennisthemonkeychild (talk) 12:12, 5 July 2015 (UTC)
- Review:
(New) Article created on 26 May and nominated for DYK the next day with (length) 2950 characters (511 words) readable prose size. (Within policy) The critical reception section contained far too many quotes and virtually no paraphrasing. Even worse, the quotes seemed to be placed randomly without any grouping or organization. I believe I have remedied the situation by converting the quotes to paraphrasing (and only quoting when it is necessary to do so) and properly organizing the material in a logical manner (criticism of the album as a whole, followed by Morris' songwriting, followed by examples of specific song criticism, then by criticism about the guitarist, which then closes on a general note of the direction of the band). Of course, there are any number of ways to organize this material, but something needed to be done. The previous version contained quotes such as "goes bigger, brighter, faster, more heart-tuggingly delicious", which really doesn't work in an encyclopedia article. Please feel free to adjust as necessary, but remember in the future to a) stick to solid music criticism about an aspect of the music itself, b) paraphrase first, quote second, and c) organize content in a logical grouping. (Hook) The hook is approximately 149 characters, interesting, accurate, and neutral. (QPQ) QPQ checks out. The ALT2 hook (or any variation or modification thereof made by the closer) is good to go. Viriditas (talk) 10:37, 6 July 2015 (UTC)
