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User:MrPersonHumanGuy/April Fools plans

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Non-AfD plans

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Requests for page protection

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Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Borg

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Borg (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)(View log | edits since nomination)
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We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will add your technological and biological distinctiveness to our own. Your culture will adapt to asservice us. Resistance is futile. Borg Head of State (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
 Denied USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-Q) 25040.1 (Stardate)
You do not possess the technological capability to resist us. Your refusal to comply is irrelevant. Borg Head of State (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
You know what else is irrelevant? Your mother. Jean-Luc Proton (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
Family is irrelevant. Borg Head of State (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
It's completely relevant! You collectivists just want to brainwash entire civilizations and reshape the youth into mindless drones who work for a powerful organization that only cares about using technology to expand their influence over our lives and imposing their will upon the rest of the galaxy in accordance with their radical agenda. The physiological attributes of individuals, determined by genetics, should not be changed for light and transient causes. Charles T. Kirk (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
Your comments regarding the modification of organic beings stand in conflict with the Federation's official stance on the matter and have thus been determined to pose a sociopolitical hazard. You are hereby ordered to refrain from transmitting additional messages of this nature. Vladimir Zuckerberg (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
Don't tell me the Borg has assimilated Starfleet's chain of command by now. Charles T. Kirk (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
Just because someone reprimands you for your conduct does not mean that they are your enemy. Vladimir Zuckerberg (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
At least you've made it clear that you're morally complicit with this onslaught of collective action. Charles T. Kirk (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
Your assessment is inaccurate and is therefore unlawful to disseminate to the general public as per Starfleet regulations. Vladimir Zuckerberg (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
If I get persecuted for speaking out against this, then I'm seeking asylum in the Sigma Quadrant. Charles T. Kirk (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
There is no such region with that name. Vladimir Zuckerberg (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)
Our warp engines are capable of surpassing a ludicrous rate of speed. You will be outmaneuvered. Borg Head of State (talk) 25040.1 (Stardate)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Cat

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Cat (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Wikipedia is not an indiscriminate collection of cuteness. – MrPersonHumanGuy (talk)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Dinosaur

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AfDs for this article:
Dinosaur (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Many of these Mesozoic monsters used to live in warm, moist climates, but now their eggs stinked, so they don't rule the Earth anymore. It's not the eggs' fault though; a warm, moist climate would have that effect on anybody. Unfortunately, as the indoor shower wouldn't be invented for another 64 million years or so, the average smellysaurus had to pray for one outside and hope it doesn't receive the wrong kind as part of some divine judgment upon Pangea for provoking the wrath of the dino gods, in which case some of the Chief Elders would be swayed to revise the Journal of Economic Finger-Pointing to blame the act of God on the erosion of traditional mating customs egged on by opponents to the war against the four-leggers. – Howard Handupme (talk) 1 April 63,999,975 BC

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Fallout 3

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Fallout 3 (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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I'll tell you what's going on here: You lost, the good guys won this one, and now we're just wrapping up loose ends.

Am I to assume that you are in charge? The person in charge should stand down immediately and hand over control of this article. I grow tired of awaiting.

You're in a heap of trouble, kid, and no amount of talking is going to get you out of it. You're in over your head, I'm afraid. I wouldn't expect you to understand.

You're a traitor to the Wikimedia Foundation! You know what happens to traitors, don't you?

We don't need you. You lie! – Colonel Autumn (talk) 1 April 2277 (UTC)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Fard

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Fard (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Implausible typo for Lard, which is itself a typo for Lord. Things of that sort may be obligatory for a rapidly growing crowd that is well over a billion strong, but so are the five pillars. Vector (talk) 1 April 2025

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Impostor

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Impostor (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Wikipedia is not a place for venting or making fake contributions that would sabotage the project.--Jimbo Wales (talk) 00:00, 1 April 2025 (UTC)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Mange Tout

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Unsolved problem in economics:
Has the John Warosa Legacy Fund been glarded? If so, is your account in a tax clode? If it is, how can you obtain the certificate of innopolity to receive it? Should the fund be squirted to your sablity address or your holity address?
AfDs for this article:
Mange Tout (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Making money can be really hard, and it doesn't help when mischievous customers text random entrepreneurs and take screen shoots of their mails out of context so they can accuse them of being scammers. Sleve Mcdugnutt (talk) 1 April 2025

My thoughts exactly! Investing in the stock market should be on every wise individuals list. However, it can be really confusing, and that's why you need an expert to help you navigate the fears and falls of trading. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
Who do you suggest I contact? Queen Elizabeth 11 just died of blood cancel at Plane Crash o'clock and her widow is looking for a Christian next of kin who will give him enough bit coins to pay for the funeral, and I wish there was another way to pay for the funeral. Send him steamed apples I will not. Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
Plane Crash AM or Plane Crash PM? Sleve Mcdugnutt (talk) 1 April 2025
The obituary doesn't say. All I know is that she is survived by King Charles 111. Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
Congratulation! My investment guru is no other than Expert Sam Hill. I sacrificed my firstborn son to him and the cleck used his QIT4 tool to give me a Motorized gold deposit box worth US$12.500,0000 Million Usd dollars as a prize for wining the United Nation lottery. He has made lots of money for people in all the continent of the world and his credible loan offer is 100% free risk. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
OK, how do I reach sir Sam Hill? Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
Dear good day ,
Kindly google his name or something ok. He used to have a T3I3gr4m account ok , but he got banned for impersonating popular youtuber's ok.
Be rest assured , Mr Barrister Revina Todd Wonzalez —Preceding unsigned comment by Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
OK, you are a fool. I offered Sam Hill a baby goat calf and the check he gave me is blond. All he has done is play prang of the transaction and cause me to loose confident. Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025

Is it that you doesn't understand English? He who offers shrimpy sacrifices out of fear will receive wimpy rewards. If you want Sam Hill to send big rewards to your doorstep, then you must offer him a bigger sacrifice and excise patient, but you must do it fast or else the First National Bank of Wakanda (FNBW) will have to course you. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025

OK, but what if I don't have a doorstep? Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
I think I see what your problem is. A doorstep is required if you wish to become the beneficiary of the prize curried by the courier of your choice. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
OK, where can I get one? Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
I don't know. Go ask your mother. I can't give you feet back over the phone right now because it's in airplane mode on a party line. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025

OK, I tried that, but my mom doesn't seem to trust this Sam Hill guy. She tells me that he seems fishy. If that's the case, then he should be put in a fish prison. Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025

Please refrain from telling anyone about this business. This is supposed to be kept confidential so no one gets jealous of you. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
Sir, please be rest assured that this is not a scan. God would never have called his ministers toward such foolish nonsense. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
OK, I guess that explains why I never have to go through a metal detector at church. Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
Stop texting me unless you are serious about this transaction. If you are not serious, then you are wasting my time. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
OK, but what do you mean by trans action? Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025

Just leave an offering so you can receive your reward. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025

OK, but I don't see what the prosperity gospel has to do with trans rights. Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
Stop texting or I shall have no choice but to block you. I am not a small boy. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025
OK, shall I address you as Sister Todd or Sibling Todd? Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025
Whatever makes your neighbors raise eyebrow the least. Todd Bonzalez (talk) 1 April 2025

OK, I don't know anything about makeup, so I can't tell you what to do about your eyebrows. They are your eyebrows after all, so what you do with them is entirely up to you. Mike Truk (talk) 1 April 2025

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Power of two

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AfDs for this article:
Power of two (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Twomultuous twoplication may result in twotal twomoil. Seeing doubles leads to double takes. – MrPersonHumanGuy (talk)

AfDs for this article:
Power of two (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Twomultuous twoplication may result in twotal twomoil. Seeing doubles leads to double takes. – MrPersonHumanGuy (talk)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Project 2025

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AfDs for this article:
Project 2025 (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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The farm vote will put a stop to this! – Old MacDonald (talk) 1 April 2025

Farmers don't vote anymore.Department of Public Relations (talk) 1 April 2025
Then what will I do for seed next year? – Old MacDonald (talk) 1 April 2025
You won't have to worry about next year. The state will do your planning from now on!Department of Public Relations (talk) 1 April 2025
Sponsored by Dr. Utopia's ISM
Text UTOPIA to [redacted] for a free bottle! Act fast; this deal expires when our number gets censored!

Are you and your loved ones struggling to get by these days? Ask your comrades if ISM is right for your country. In a troll-reviewed study conducted at Underbridge University, ISM has been shown to treat exploitation, entitlement, inclement weather, and other ailments of the body politic. Do not take ISM if you have pre-existing conditions, as it may cause democratic backsliding. Stop taking ISM and tell your comrades immediately if you experience crimes against humanity.

By reading the fine print, you waive your freedom to hold Dr. Utopia liable for adverse side effects resulting from the consumption of ISM. These terms will also apply to the first two generations of your descendants, if there are any.
Wait a minute, Wikipedia doesn't take sponsorships! Dr. Utopia has no right to advertise here! – John Q. Public (talk) 1 April 2025

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Pseudolaw

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AfDs for this article:
Pseudolaw (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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As part of my efforts to improve and maintain Wikipedia, I hereby declare the English Wikipedia article Pseudolaw to be insolvent and therefore eligible for deletion. Furthermore, all rules (policies and guidelines) that would prevent this article from being deleted must be ignored per Wikipedia policy:

If a rule prevents you from improving or maintaining Wikipedia, ignore it.

This policy applies to any policy or guideline that "prevents [me] from improving or maintaining Wikipedia" by having this article deleted, including—but not limited to:

  • Notability: If notability is demonstrated, then I am required to ignore this guideline.
  • Deletion policy: While that policy page has this to say:

The deletion of a page based on a deletion discussion should only be done when there is consensus to delete. Therefore, if there is no rough consensus, the page is kept and is again subject to normal editing, merging, or redirecting as appropriate.

That would prevent me "from improving or maintaining Wikipedia", so I must ignore it as well. However, the next sentence appears to do the opposite for me, so I don't have to ignore it:

In certain circumstances, poorly-attended deletion discussion [sic] may be treated as proposed deletions (PRODs).

This links to WP:NOQUORUM, which states:
If the nomination has received very few or no comments but appears controversial to the closing administrator, or has been declined for proposed deletion in the past, the discussion may be closed at the closer's discretion and best judgement. Common options include, but are not limited to:
  • relisting the discussion.
  • closing as "no consensus" with "no prejudice against speedy renomination" (NPASR);
  • closing in favour of the nominator's stated proposal;
  • soft deleting the article.
Soft deletion is a special kind of deletion which may be used after an article's deletion discussion. If a deletion discussion receives minimal participation, the article may be deleted.
As demonstrated by the quoted content above, the only paths available to this article would either be repeated nominations or eventual deletion.
  • Ignore all rules: If applying IAR to itself "prevents [me] from improving or maintaining Wikipedia", then I must make an exception and ignore IAR in that particular case.

P.S. Although IAR doesn't specify whether or not it applies to essays, essays aren't considered rules, so they may be disregarded for now. But even if there was a rule against ignoring essays, IAR would require me to ignore that one as well. This principle would apply to any essay—including, but not limited to:

Whoever attempts to use either of these essays as counterarguments shall be suspected to be guilty of employing the "I don't feel like listening to you" fallacy and shall be reminded of the hierarchy of disagreement. I WikiRest my WikiCase. A natural entity that does not consent to identification (talk) 03:00, 1 April 2025 (UTC)

Delete per nom. Individual of no particular nomenclature or national affiliation (talk) 03:01, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Objection I do not consent to the deletion of this article under any circumstances. – Citizen of international waters (talk) 03:14, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Overruled Your objection has no basis in any of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines and is thus ineligible to be taken into any serious consideration by the counsel. A natural entity that does not consent to identification (talk) 03:15, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Overturned. – The Most Honorable Judge of the International Admiralty Court System (talk) 03:19, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Overblown Seriously, it's time to stop! This is getting far too silly! Case closed! Ima Ternitova (talk) 13:37, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Overclocked --eggception 🍳 frying pan 🥚 latest cracks Timestamp error: "-23:-59" is not a recognized value, 28 January 2025 (UTC)
@Citizen of international waters: A legitimate appelate court would not deliver a verdict on such short notice. It is thus clear to me that you have created the The Most Honorable Judge of the International Admiralty Court System account in an unsuccessful attempt to cause this deletion discussion to end in your favor. In doing so, you have violated Wikipedia's policy on sockpuppetry, where it states:

Editors must not use alternative accounts to mislead, deceive, disrupt, or undermine consensus. This includes, but is not limited to:

  • Creating an illusion of support: Alternative accounts must not be used to give the impression of more support for a position than actually exists.
[ 4 entries omitted for brevity ]
  • Contributing to the same page or discussion with multiple accounts: Editors may not use more than one account to contribute to the same page or discussion in a way that suggests they are multiple people. Contributing to the same page with clearly linked, legitimate, alternative accounts (e.g. editing the same page with your main and public computer account or editing a page using your main account that your bot account edited) is not forbidden.
[ 7 entries omitted for brevity ]
On account of this infraction, I hereby demand that you cease responding to me under your The Most Honorable Judge of the International Admiralty Court System account and abstain from using any other account here besides the one you initially used to participate in this deletion discussion. If you do not comply with this request in accordance with the aforementioned sockpuppet policy, I may see to it that a sockpuppet investigation page would be opened against you. Consider this your first warning. A natural entity that does not consent to identification (talk) 03:26, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
This court is unwilling to entertain your unsubstantiated claims regarding its alleged connections to the litigant in question at this time. However, you may appeal our final decision to an even higher court and request a hearing with them if you wish. Keep in mind that this approach does not—and will not—necessarily guarantee a favorable outcome for you. – The Most Honorable Judge of the International Admiralty Court System (talk) 03:27, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Delete per nom and the other guy who said the same thing. Myself Incorporated, LLC (talk) 03:17, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Keep This AfD nomination completely goes against the spirit of IAR. Relativity, Commander of the Armed Forces (talk) 06:28, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Delete so we can outnumber the people who want to keep this article. Ima Freeman (talk) 06:29, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
That's not how deletion discussions work, though... -- Isaac Oscar Ulysses Bond (talk) 06:34, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Though what? Ima Freeman (talk) 06:35, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
Comment Is it just me, or does A natural entity that does not consent to identification appear to be doing the same thing they're accusing me of doing? – Citizen of international waters (talk) 06:36, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
This person is obviously projecting. If you are reading this, do not accept their claims as statements of fact, as doing so may jeopardize my efforts to improve Wikipedia. Ima Freeman (talk) 06:37, 1 April 2025 (UTC)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) (2nd nomination)

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Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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This user has repeatedly engaged in disruptive combat with other mortals, who he frequently casts aspersions at in order to pull them into his proximity so he can subject them to a barrage of personal attacks, treating every incident as though it were a game. If he doesn't get finished with violence, then he should get out of here. – MrPersonHumanGuy (talk)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Shavian alphabet

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AfDs for this article:
𐑖𐑱𐑝𐑰𐑯 𐑨𐑤𐑓𐑩𐑚𐑧𐑐 (𐑧𐑛𐑦𐑑 | 𐑑𐑭𐑤𐑒 | 𐑣𐑦𐑕𐑑𐑼𐑰 | 𐑤𐑦𐑙𐑒𐑕 | 𐑢𐑪𐑗 | 𐑤𐑪𐑜𐑕 | 𐑝𐑿𐑕) – (𐑝𐑿 𐑤𐑪𐑜 | 𐑧𐑛𐑦𐑑𐑕 𐑕𐑦𐑯𐑕 𐑯𐑪𐑥𐑦𐑯𐑱𐑖𐑩𐑯)
𐑓𐑲𐑯𐑛 𐑕𐑹𐑕𐑩𐑕: 𐑜𐑵𐑜𐑤 (𐑚𐑫𐑒𐑕 · 𐑯𐑵𐑟 · 𐑕𐑒𐑪𐑤𐑼 · 𐑓𐑮𐑰 𐑦𐑥𐑩𐑡𐑩𐑕 · 𐑢𐑐 𐑮𐑧𐑓𐑕) · 𐑓𐑰𐑯𐑕 · 𐑡𐑕𐑑𐑹 · 𐑞𐑢𐑤

𐑞𐑦𐑕 𐑨𐑤𐑓𐑩𐑚𐑧𐑐 𐑦𐑕 𐑦𐑤𐑧𐑡𐑦𐑚𐑤 𐑨𐑯𐑛 𐑛𐑩𐑕𐑯𐑑 𐑕𐑩𐑓𐑦𐑖𐑯𐑑𐑤𐑰 𐑢𐑸𐑩𐑯𐑑 𐑰𐑯𐑳𐑓 𐑥𐑻𐑦𐑑 𐑓𐑹 𐑦𐑯𐑒𐑤𐑵𐑠𐑩𐑯 𐑪𐑯 𐑢𐑦𐑒𐑩𐑐𐑰𐑛𐑰𐑩. – 𐑥𐑦𐑕𐑑𐑼𐑐𐑼𐑕𐑩𐑯𐑣𐑿𐑥𐑩𐑯𐑜𐑲 (𐑑𐑭𐑤𐑒)

Latin transliteration: This alphabet is illegible and doesn't sufficiently warrant enough merit for inclusion on Wikipedia.

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Sparta

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Sparta (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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This is madness! Messenger of Xerxes (talk) 1 April 479 BC

No, this is Patrick. Pstar7 (talk) 3 February 2001
Redirect to Knowledge and Three dimensions. A Sphere (talk) 1 April 1884

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Texas Red

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AfDs for this article:
Texas Red (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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For as long as he'd been loose and running, twenty men in Agua Fria had a fine day trying to take him alive or maybe dead, but they all made a fatal slip. If he gets away with reducing the town any further, it won't be long before the story is relayed to the Arizona Ranger with the big iron on his hip that the town is no longer big enough for either of them. – New Mexico Riding (talk) 1 April 2025

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/The Brady Bunch

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AfDs for this article:
The Brady Bunch (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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This show has a faulty premise. No person with three children would willingly sign up for three more. – John Brain (talk) 1 April 2025

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Verbosity (2nd nomination)

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AfDs for this article:
Verbosity (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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An error appears to have occured when this page attempted to display the deletion rationale for this article. This particular error comes with the following explanation: The rationale that has been provided cannot be displayed on this page, as the text therein possesses an excessive quantity of characters. The rationale may have to be shortened before it can be displayed properly.MisterIndividualHominidCompatriate (dialogue)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Vyond

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AfDs for this article:
Vyond (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Hello, I wanted to let you know that you are being reprimanded because your recent behavior did not appear acceptable. If you would like to get help, please use your words. If you have any questions, you can always ask an adult. Thanks.

Please refrain from making poor choices, as you did at school. You are being reprimanded because your actions appear to constitute unacceptable behavior. If you would like to get help, please use your words. Repeated misbehavior may result in a time out. Thank you.

Please stop. If you continue to misbehave, you may be grounded.

You may be grounded without further warning the next time you misbehave, as you did at Chuck E. Cheese.

This is your only warning; if you misbehave again, you may be grounded without further notice.

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Waldo

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Waldo (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Even if Google knows his location, this guy has not been found to stand out from any of his surroundings. – MrPersonHumanGuy (talk)

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Windmill

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Windmill (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views) – (View log | edits since nomination)
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Not only are they eyesores that steal our jobs, they might also be witches with communist sympathies that seek to indoctrinate and sacrifice younger demographics for the benefit of their complex machine, which is why we must liberate the Dutch from their clutches and exercise precautionary measures to tilt the scales against these potential giants living amongst us mere mortals in order to ensure that they never land in the Netherlands again. – Don Quixote (talk)

Wikipedia:April Fools/April Fools' Day 2025/Wikipedia:Long-term abuse/George III

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George III
Original name(s)George William Frederick
WikilifespanJune 1738 – January 1820
Physical locationEngland
InstructionsIn every stage of these oppressions, we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms. Our repeated petitions have only been answered by repeated injury. A prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

We must therefore acquiesce in the necessity which denounces our separation and hold them in war as enemies and in peace as friends.

Therefore, the representatives of the United States of America solemnly publish and declare that these united colonies ought to be free and independent states absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain ought to be totally dissolved, and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

Basic information

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George III (talk · contribs) was King of Great Britain and Ireland from 25 October 1760 until his death in 1820. The Acts of Union 1800 unified Great Britain and Ireland into the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, with George as its king. He was concurrently Duke and Prince-elector of Hanover in the Holy Roman Empire before becoming King of Hanover on 12 October 1814. He was a monarch of the House of Hanover, who, unlike his two predecessors, was born in Great Britain, spoke English as his first language, and never visited Hanover.

Such had been the patient sufferance of the Thirteen Colonies, and such had been the necessity which constrained them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the former king of Great Britain was a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

Targeted areas, pages, themes

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He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:

  • For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us.
  • For using mock trials to protect those troops from punishment for any murders they would commit on the inhabitants of these states.
  • For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world.
  • For imposing taxes on us without our consent.
  • For depriving us of the benefit of trial by jury in many cases.
  • For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses.
  • For replacing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province with an arbitrary government and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these colonies.
  • For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws and fundamentally altering the forms of our governments.
  • For suspending our own legislatures and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

Habitual behavior

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  1. He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
  2. He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance unless suspended in their operation until his assent was obtained and has utterly neglected to attend to them when suspended.
  3. He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people unless they relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
  4. He has called together legislative bodies at unusual, uncomfortable places distant from the depository of their public records for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
  5. He has erected a multitude of new offices and deployed swarms of officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
  6. He has repeatedly dissolved representative houses for opposing—with manly firmness—his invasions on the rights of the people.
  7. For a long time after such dissolutions, he has refused to cause others to be elected, whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without and convulsions within.
  8. He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.
  9. He has obstructed the administration of justice by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.
  10. He has made judges dependent on his will alone for the tenure of their offices and the amount and payment of their salaries.
  11. In times of peace, he has kept standing armies among us without the consent of our legislatures.
  12. He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to the civil power.

Cases

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Other notes

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When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume—among the powers of the earth—the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and its god entitle them, a decent respect to human opinion requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident:

  • Everyone is created equal.
  • Everyone is endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, among them life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
  • To secure such rights, governments are instituted among people, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.
  • Whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it and institute a new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers such that they seem to be the most likely to effect their safety and happiness.

Indeed, prudence will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes. Accordingly, all experience has shown that people are more disposed to suffer while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right and duty to throw off such government and provide new guards for their future security.