User talk:Fei Wade
| This user is a student editor in University_of_California_Berkeley/Development_and_the_Environment_(Fall_2017) . |
Brian's Review of Project Neptune
[edit]Good job on this article, overall it's well written and I learned about something that I didn't even know existed. In terms of major changes, there aren't many. You may want to add headers in order to break up the paragraphs, maybe one for "RPA development" and another one for "Funding" or something like that, you'd probably know best. That being said, I'm not really sure what the focus of the third paragraph is; it starts out with funding and then jumps to talking about development goals when you say "Project Neptune’s academic and industrial partners aim...". It might be a good idea to take the development goals part and move it into the second paragraph, which is focused more on the technical stuff. Also, I think 1-2 pictures would make the article pop, not even necessarily of Project Neptune, but even about just like a general water distribution model or something.Other than that, I just have a few little tweaks:
"The difficulty in optimizing this service is the minimum water pressure and flow standards, as well as the strict regulations regarding water quality" change to "Difficulties in optimizing this service include..."
"The communication network focusses on evaluating" change to "The function of the communication network is to analyze..."
"Real time information relates to acquiring knowledge related to performance of the water distribution system in live time." is redundant.
"Project Neptune’s academic and industrial partners aim to address the tasks of developing: energy saving options, online simulation model to provide an overlook of a full day’s water distribution patters, manage and reduce leakage, automate system adjustments, integrate power harvesting methods, and optimize system for reacting to incidents." This sentence isn't parallel; e.g. it makes sense to say "...partners aim to address...energy saving options, but it doesn't make sense to say "...partners aim to address...manage and reduce leakage".