User talk:Kristinnmason/toulouse

3/18 Evaluation by user:Avictory

Spelling & Grammar:

-Mostly fine. Here are the few mistakes I see:

"Toulouse is a city known for it's (its) great deal of.... having it's (its) headquarters located there." (Besides these mistakes, the structure of the sentence is odd. Perhaps break it into two sentences.)
"Airbus, one of the world's larges (largest ) commercial airline... has it's (its) headquarters..."
"... retails (retailers?) and individuals, (and?) cost of clean-up..." (This is a very long sentence that is sort of ramble-y and unclear. Perhaps make it two sentences.)
" The European Scale of industrial Accidents..." (capitalize "I")
"...world heritage site in in 1996." (delete repeated word)
"TSE celebrated it's (its) tenth anniversary..."

Language:

- The language seems okay to me, but the syntax is a bit odd in some sentences. Sentences like this one: "This quickly turned Toulouse into a city where trade was prominent" would sound better if it were more like: "This quickly turned Toulouse into a prominent city for trade" or similar.

Organization:

-Could you either expand on some sections or find a way to combine some? It feels very fragmented. The aerospace stuff in the intro could possibly make its own section with airbus as a subheading.

Coding:

-Reference #6 has a coding error and the source won't open. I don't see any other problems, though.

Completeness:

-Because it is so fragmented, it looks incomplete. There could be a bit more detail to some sections, but I would recommend combining information/sections to make it look like there is more there. Visually, it would look more full and complete. - "Toulouse has a *** unemployment rate." (Is this being filled in?)

Relevance:

-I don't understand the importance of the chemical plant explosion in the "jobs" section. Perhaps you can tie it in by adding statistics about how many people they employ or if they are still running.

Citations:

-Except for #6, all others open. They all look legitimate.

Hi Kristin! I tried to point out as much as I could to help you edit. I think you found a lot of good, solid information, but struggled to tie it together. Regardless, I think you did a great job and I bet the second draft will be even better!Avictory (talk) 04:08, 19 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]

3/20 Evaluation by user:Guyarv

Spelling & Grammar:

-First sentence: change two instances of "it's" to "its"

-Reword "Approximately 9% of the population has a job directly, indirectly or induced from Airbus being located there" into something that flows a little better, especially last part

Language:

-Specify that Aerospace Valley is an economic region.

-Change "1/3" to "a third"

-Add "euros" (assuming stat was in euros) to GDP figure

-Airbus is stated to be one of the largest companies twice. Redundant.

Organization:

-I agree that it is fragmented. I don't think that "Chemical Plant Explosion" should come under jobs. Where did the chemical explosion take place? Maybe make another tab for that business and add the explosion under that.

-Ensure that there is no space between period and citation.

Coding:

-Reference 6 links to something physically on your computer. Needs to be fixed so that others can access.

Completeness:

-What about the economy within the city center itself? I felt that this just focused on a couple major companies in the area, and not enough about what makes Toulouse itself special.

-Information on the city's port, its location and how that impacts it economically, what the city has historically done with its economy, etc could all be good content to add.

-Fix unemployment rate for the city

-Capitalize "industrial" under Chemical Plant Explosion

Relevance:

-Move Explosion paragraph under either a header for the place where it happened or remove it.

Sources:

-All look good, maybe with the exception of 'The Blog by Javier', number 8

Citations:

-All fine except for 6

References

-All fine except for 6

Hope this could help, if you have any other questions just ask on D2L. Guyarv (talk) 18:48, 20 March 2018 (UTC)guyarv[reply]