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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 20:12, 24 October 2009 [1].

Amador Valley High School

[edit]
Nominator(s): Deltawk (talk) 04:50, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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I would like to thank users Camaron, Shirulashem, Scartol, Finetooth, Jp07, and Ruhrfisch for spending their time to copyedit, review, and offer their comments on the article as the work has progressed and improved. This project has been carefully edited since last spring, and I feel like this article is ready for the Featured Article review process. Here is my nomination. -Deltawk (talk) 04:50, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment: Regarding the Extracurriculars' section, I am surprised that you only have five subsections. Usually, high schools have far more extracurricular clubs than are currently listed. I noticed in particular that nothing about United States Academic Decathlon is mentioned, though Amador definitely participates.[2] Perhaps a section for the other clubs could be added, even if it is only a small paragraph. NW (Talk) 01:30, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • That would make sense. And you are sure that there is nothing else? There are usually a variety of other things as well (School newspaper, science team, environmental group, recycling club, film club, anime club, Amnesty International/human rights group, Bible club, etc.); it seems odd that Amador only has a few of them. NW (Talk) 01:56, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Response: There certainly are other clubs, but they have not received the same coverage by reliable third-party sources as the current one mentioned have. I am worried about introducing new clubs without fully developing them, however, the paragraphs would seem incomplete to me. I can add an additional section if you feel it would add to the article though. -Deltawk (talk) 03:28, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Decide if you're going with last name first or first name first with the authors, and stick with it. Consistency is the key here.
  • Newspapers titles in the references should be in italics. If you're using {{cite news}}, use the work field for the title of the paper, and the publisher field for the name of the actual company that publishes the paper
  • Eight deadlinks in the link checker tool.
  • Current ref 32 (Parade... ) has a bare url in it.
  • Current ref 75 (Amador band goes ...) is not actually published by "findarticles" it's a newspaper article from the Oakland Tribune, and should be formatted as such. Same for current ref 98 (Verdict..) and 111 (Valley Stars...).
  • Current ref 85 (Elena Goana..) lacks a publisher and the link won't load at all for me.
  • Current ref 91 (Journal Paper..) lacks a publisher. Also .. there is a significant amount of bibliographical information left out.. the title isn't "journal paper" it's given on the pdf, along with authors, etc.
  • Please spell out abbreviations in the notes - I noted AUVSI, but there are probably others.
  • Per the MOS, link titles in the references shouldn't be in all capitals, even when they are in the original (I noted curretnre f 63 (2006 Volunteer...)
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 6 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. I've looked at the lead alone, which tells me that the article needs a thorough independent copy-edit before promotions is considered. If this is written by current students: well done indeed, let's make this a learning exercise, and either have it cleaned up soon or put up again for promotion.

  • Great school icon!
  • Do we need "located"?
  • "a suburb east of"? I'm confused; I thought a town was outside a city, and a suburb within it. Which is the case?
  • "is part of"?
  • erky: "which also includes".
  • "and had its first class graduate" is a little unstylish. I'm trying to think of something neater ... "The school was founded as Amador Valley Joint Union High School, from which its first class graduated in 1923."? Not ideal, but see what you think.
  • Is it just the vocational training that is offered to its 2500 students? List technique is at issue here. If this is not the intended meaning, perhaps "Amador offers its 2500 students ...".
  • publication, the Amadon, reports on
  • "academics" are people, even if the term might be used loosely by the newsletter. "academic and extracurricular issues"? Err ... it reports news of the nation? How big is this publication?
  • The sentence now says 'A monthly school publication, the Amadon, reports on athletics, academic and extracurricular issues, and news of the school and community." I have removed mention of the paper reporting news of the nation. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The school's central Pleasanton location allows Amador to be the launch point of multiple parades and to host the site of the historical Amador Theater. This theatre has been the city's central performing arts facility for over 60 years." try this: "Amador's location allows it to be the launching point for parades and to host the site of the Amador Theater, the Pleasanton's central performing arts facility for more than 60 years." Among other things, we avoid "central ... central", and the reference to P. as a city, morphed from "town" (or "suburb"?) a few seconds before.
  • "Student groups including the Marching Band and Math Team have traveled out of California after achieving high ranking in state competitions." At first sounds like they escaped the state. "have toured interstate"? plural "rankings in Californian competitions"? Unsure whether this is comfortable, though. Only you can tell.
  • The Marching Band has toured internationally and the Math Team has toured interstate. I have replaced "traveled out of California" with "toured out-of-state" to better phrase the statement yet still encompass both organizations. What do you think of this new phrasing? I have adopted your words "rankings in Californian competitions". - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • national ... nationally. Audit throughout for close repetitions.
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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