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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 13:35, August 2, 2007.


Khan Wali Khan

[edit]

Freedom fighter close confidante of Mohandas Gandhi and respected pakistani politician who died last year.--Zak 11:12, 21 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment--Couple of things
  1. Can you clarify where is Khan Wali Khan in the picture in the info box. There are 2 men shown in the picture. So it needs a caption stating where Khan Wali Khan is.
  2. When Khan Wali Khan died, where did he die?, where did his funeral take place?, where was he buried? and what kind of a funeral was it?
  3. The article mentions Khan interacting with Gandhi but not with Jinnah. If he did, can you add that, if not, then explain why.. Mercenary2k 22:20, 21 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]
1 # True, I've changed the pic. 2 # Corrected and referenced 3 # Difficult one; to my knowledge he had no contact with Jinnah directly, his father did, as Wali Khan was only in his 20's at the height of the Pakistan Movement. His closeness to Gandhi was due to his father staying with him when exiled from his home province. I'll look into what you said though.. --Zak 23:21, 21 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Support Looks good now so I support. Mercenary2k 00:34, 23 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose. The lead needs work (see WP:LEAD). Section headings need work (see WP:MSH). The footnotes/references aren't correctly formatted (see WP:CITE/ES). A thorough copyedit is needed, sample prose:
    • However, in the final analysis, senior Pakistani journalist M.A Niazi summed Khan him when he wrote ...
    • However, in his statements he left a certain ambiguity in his policies, and in 1972 when a journalist questioned to where his first allegiance was, his reply was, "I have been a Pashtun for six thousand years, a Muslim for thirteen hundred years, and a Pakistani for twenty-five."

SandyGeorgia (Talk) 02:45, 30 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Sandy, I have made a few corrections as have a few other people since the time I submitted it, the lead could be better and yes the footnotes need improvement which I am working on.. Bingu: Which sections are you referring too, I have attempted to be as exhaustive as possible in referencing. --Zak 20:53, 31 July 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose—1a, 2a and 2 (MOS). Take the opening sentences, one-by-one:
    • "Khan Abdul Wali Khan Pashto:(خان عبدالولي خان) (b. 11 January 1917 – d. 26 January 2006) was a Pashtun freedom fighter against the British Raj, senior politician in Pakistan and a writer." Missing "a".
    • "A controversial figure in Pakistani politics, he was referred to as both a hero and traitor at varying stages of his political career." Surely "both as a", which has a different meaning. "at varying stages" is weasily: try "during".
    • "A respected politician in his later years, he contributed to Pakistan's third constitution constitution, led protests for the restoration of democracy in the 1960's and 1980's." Nice repetition of "consitution"—how was this missed? See MOS on "1960's". Missing "and".
    • "Also"—get rid of it. And again in the next sentence. And again two sentences later. None, please, to make it stronger.
    • "Joint" opposition leader? Unclear.
    • Why is a common dictionary word such as "orator" linked? We do speak English.
    • "would often hold an audience spellbound with stories and amuse people with"—uncomfortable to use "audience" and then "people". Recast this statement so that only one is acted upon.
    • "despite provocations"—unclear. Whose?

The lead is inadequate in length and coverage, as well as this high density of linguistic problems. On this basis, the whole text needs considerable work, preferably by unfamiliar copy-editors. Tony 07:09, 1 August 2007 (UTC)[reply]

PS The footnotes need attention. For example: "pp. 11-13+18" no way! En dash, and comma rather than plus sign. Read MOS on "the 10th of". Needs to be consistent in formatting, too.

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
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