Wikipedia:Peer review/A Puro Dolor/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would a critique to know how the article would be eligible for a GA status. The article is being done on a collaboration between me and two other people.
Thanks, Magiciandude (talk) 00:27, 15 June 2010 (UTC)
Comments by H1nkles
First off thank you for your work and your efforts to push the article to GA standing. It is a commendable goal.
Lead
- Make sure every aspect of the article is in the lead. The lead should read like a skeletal version of the article, the article then fills in the gaps.
Release and reception
- The grammar is a little rough in places here. For example:
- "They also did a concert with the R&B trio Destiny's Child, and were presented in the 1st Latin Grammy Awards along with boy band N'Sync...."
- They were "present at" the 1st Latin Grammy awards. Is that what you're trying to say? Even better would be to reword, "and performed with N'Sync at the 1st Latin Grammy Awards..."
Awards
- You italicize Billboard earlier but here it's not italicized.
- I fixed a few grammatical issues here otherwise it's ok.
Music video
- The writing here is very poor. This section will need to be cleaned up before nominating at WP:GAC. Here are some suggestions:
- Start by removing unnecessary words like "basically, and simply".
- What is "acoustic kind"? The sentence I'm referring to is, "The video opens on a stage acoustic kind, in where shows Ángel singing his verses, while the others members of the group, follow up with the chorus." Accoustic kind is linked to accoustic. What is an accoustic stage? The term "in where" is used several times in this section. It is misused and should be removed in every instance. What are the other members of the group doing? What does it mean that they are following up with the chorus? Are they singing with the chorus? Are they playing instruments with the chorus? It's unclear. Since I haven't seen the videos I can't really make suggestions for how to fix this.
- The English version isn't better. First the word "in" is misused several times throughout the article. In the second sentence of the the English version paragraph the video starts on a cloudy afternoon. Another "in where" to remove. The group "is" situated not "it is" situated. How do we know it's cloudy if they're in a white room?
- "...when later starts to drain water over the ladder." Rewrite, "...when water starts to drain over the ladder." Noun before verb.
- I would suggest either removing this section or doing a total rewrite.
Chart performance
- Much better writing in this section though there are several small grammatical errors. For example:
- "The song exposure led to the parent album to receive a Gold certification in both the United States and México."
- "The song exposure led the parent album to a Gold certification in both the United States and Mexico."
- "This chart run led the song being named in 2009 the best-performing Latin single of the decade."
- "This chart run earned the song the title of best-performing Latin single of the decade."
- Trim out unnecessary wording that is implied in the context, is duplicative, or isn't important details.
Cover versions
- I don't think a list of every group or individual who has covered the song is necessary. Perhaps a couple of notable covers are all that is needed.
References
- Be sure to be consistent in italicizing. Is Billboard italics or not? With journals, trade magazines, newspapers the title of the publication is italicized. So I would say it should be.
- No publisher for ref. 11.
- Is ref 15 formatted properly, there are three parentheses ((()))? Seems a bit odd.
- No accessdates for refs. 19-21.
Overall
- The article is well on it's way. It is obviously a very important song and deserves a place as a GA. Keep up the good work.
- The grammar and prose are the weakest points of this article. Consider asking for a copy edit one of the projects associated with this article if you do not feel confident doing a copy edit yourself.
- I count four non-free images, this is usually excessive. Non-free images or copyrighted images are to be used sparingly and only when absolutely necessary. See WP:IMAGE for thoughts on this. Consider looking in Commons for free-use images that might be used in place of some of the images in the article. It's ok to have the album cover and even the English version image since these are very common in song articles. But the other two in the music video section I would replace with free images or remove in order to be in compliance with the Manual of Style.
- This concludes my review if you have any questions or concerns please contact me on my talk page as I do not routinely watch the review pages. Thanks and happy editing. H1nkles (talk) citius altius fortius 17:46, 21 June 2010 (UTC)