Wikipedia:Peer review/Abishabis/archive1

Abishabis

I've listed this article for peer review because I am looking to bring this to GAN, and eventually FAC, and would like some comments for improvement. Thanks, Z1720 (talk) 02:07, 12 October 2022 (UTC)

Here are some comments after a first look at the article

• The article is well-sourced. I had a look at the sources for a few references and they support the claims they were used for.
• earwig shows no copyright problems
• The prose is fine but see below for a few adjustments.
• The article jumps back and forth between English variants. I assume it should be in Canadian English due to its topic.
  • equaled -> equalled
  • recognise -> recognize
  • traveled -> travelled
  • normalisation -> normalization
• "Abishabis preached that he had visited heaven and that followers could use a Cree writing system to create religious relics, which their purpose is disputed among academics." Should it be "... religious relics, the purpose of which is disputed among academics."?
• "Academics give various explanations for what these lines depicted: academic Lee Irwin said that these documents were paths to heaven and hell,[22] professor Philip H. Round said the group believed they could use the symbols to determine the will of spirits which would allow the Cree to purify themselves,[1] while Williamson said Abishabis's revelations were to determine possible futures for the Cree people.[23]". This sentence is rather long. It might be better to split it into several shorter ones.
• "Other followers slowly began to disavow themselves of Abishabis’s teachings and destroyed materials that were inspired by him." Should it be "disavow themselves from Abishabis’s teachings"? I think "disavow of" is only used when disavow is a noun.
• The lead says that "Abishabis murdered a First Nations family living near York Factory". But this source talks only of a suspicion of murdering. I haven't checked the other sources to see whether they support the stronger claim. This would also be relevant for the section "Arrest and death".
• The article is comprehensive enough to cover all of the claims made in the short overview here.
• It would be great to have an image of Abishabis for the lead. But I couldn't find anything on wikicommons. The article currently has only one image, so adding a few more images might help. Maybe some images from the article Cree could be used.

A more indepth reading might reveal further issues. But on this first look, I didn't spot any major problems. I hope this helps. Phlsph7 (talk) 09:53, 19 October 2022 (UTC)

@Phlsph7: Thanks for your comments. Here are some responses:

• I'll take a closer look at Canadian variants (a weakness of mine)
• For "Academics give various explanations...", I am struggling to divide the sentence because of its list structure. Any suggestions?
• For the "suspect of killing the family", I think there was another source that said he was only suspected of murdering; I'll have to dig that up. Since the sources are in disagreement, I think I'll have to add a note about the differing opinions of sources.
• I wish I could have an image of Abishabis, too, but I also couldn't find anything in various archives or on Commons. I am not sure if any depictions of Abishabis were every created, and if they were they were probably destroyed or otherwise lost following his death, due to the negative reputation he acquired among HBC and the Cree. I'll look in the Cree article for other images I could use, and I will try to add more images.

Thanks again for your help. Z1720 (talk) 15:30, 20 October 2022 (UTC)

For the English variants: I used grammarly (free but registration necessary) and set it it to Canadian English. It showed me the four errors listed above. I've split up the long sentence, have a look if the new version works for you. If the sources are in disagreement, then it's probably better to go with the weaker version in the lead and reserve the details for the section "Arrest and death". Phlsph7 (talk) 16:24, 20 October 2022 (UTC)