Wikipedia:Peer review/All Is Full of Love/archive1

All Is Full of Love

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review to ensure that all of the content on the article is suitable for a Good article.

Thanks!, Bleff (talk) 00:26, 14 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Czar

Pretty interesting, though a bit dry at times with the technicalities
Best place for improvement here is in paraphrasing a number of the quotes. Any time that a quote can be adequately paraphrased, it should be. E.g., "the album ends on an optimistic note" and "the thing sounds fantastic". Not even sure the Cunningham block quote is necessary

There might be a bit too much non-free content in this article (album cover, audio file, another audio file, logo, concept art, still from video). Not sure how it goes for music articles generally, but five pieces of non-free content is a lot by any other means. I'd ask the copyright noticeboard whether File:All Is Full of Love logo.png may qualify as public domain/simple shapes. Also File:All Is Full of Love capture.jpg doesn't exactly make a case for why the music video needs to be illustrated at all (isn't the prose enough?) Same for File:All Is Full of Love concept drawing.jpg—the image does not serve to better clarify something said in the article, so it can be cut. Track length is 4:32 or 272 seconds. 10% of 272 is 27. File:All Is Full of Love album.ogg says, "It is a sample of less than 10 percent of the original recording" but is 30 seconds. Minor point.
Why is Recognition its own section?
Some other stuff outside the GAN scope but worth addressing:
- "The sequence has been described as" by whom?
- options for using a dash (—) are either to do the spaced en dash ( – ) or the unspaced em dash (—), and keep it consistent
- MOS:ELLIPSIS says to avoid using [...] where you can just use ...
The Recognition part that lists the awards is a little chunky. Try reading out loud it to yourself and see what I mean
MOS:QUOTE—WP uses the British/logical quotation, which means that the punctuation almost always goes outside the final quotation marks
I did some copyediting as I skimmed—take a look at the diffs and see if you disagree

czar ⨹ 11:15, 20 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Nikkimaria

Agree with Czar, there's a bit too much non-free content (both media and quotes). If the samples are kept the "n.a." parameters should be filled in and both should be reduced in length
"lyrics of "All Is Full of Love" ensure the presence of love everywhere" - not quite true: the lyrics don't themselves ensure anything, they reassure the listener that love is everywhere
"were purposely released" -> "were deliberately released"
Quotes of longer than about 40 words should be blockquoted
Who designed the logo?
Do we know what Cunningham's original treatment was?
Generally I think additional copyediting would be helpful
Make sure all references have enough information to allow someone to locate the citation. For example, footnote 44 has a title but no author/publisher - one or the other should be included. Nikkimaria (talk) 15:41, 20 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Czar and Nikkimaria for the comments! The copyediting is appreciated, Czar. Many of the issues come from English not being my first language. I'll check each one of the issues both of you found and try to improve them. Thanks again! --Bleff (talk) 17:59, 20 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]