Wikipedia:Peer review/Arkady Leokum/archive1

Arkady Leokum

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I've listed this article for peer review because it was listed as a stub. (It was just an abbreviated/incomplete list of the well-known "Tell Me Why" book series that were seminal and well-loved by kids in the 1960s and 1970s). I wrote the text for the article, using independent sourcing. As it turns out, Arkady Leokum had a full and brilliant advertising career in New York City. He was a playwright and novelist, too, and his stage plays were recorded and broadcast on PBS. The article would benefit as follows:

1) Special note about ONE sentence that can either be cut or saved.

I have asked source of this sentence (someone who created a Google Group for this, and posted several interesting links, including his obituary information) if she has a verifiable reference that can be used in the Wikipedia, as I cannot locate another. https://groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/alt.obituaries/OnHLdAmQzbg

Sentence: "In the advertising world, Arkady Leokum may be best known for his slogan for the Chock full o'Nuts coffee ad campaign, "a slogan that pushed Chock full o'Nuts from a seventh-rank position to third," in what is considered America's toughest taste market, New York City: "Don't spend the extra money for this coffee . . . unless you're just plain crazy about good coffee!"

2) Edit any grammar (add/subtract) as needed. 3) Remove flags, so that the article becomes permanent. 4) Consider it for a Featured Article.

Thanks, Lettucecup (talk) 21:59, 18 August 2018 (UTC)Lettucecup[reply]

Comments

Be careful about using a tone that is too promotion or unencyclopedic, particularly not without attribution - for example, who says that NYC is "considered America's toughest taste market"?

Biographical articles are typically organized in a more chronological way, with the lead as simply a summary of what is presented in the article body. Generally speaking, nothing should be in the lead that isn't mentioned elsewhere in the article. You're essentially using the lead like a Personal life section. Nikkimaria (talk) 22:19, 18 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much, Nikkimaria. I have made changes -- your comments are useful and appreciated. The promotional language has been removed (it was in a quote, but I am awaiting to see if we can locate the original source attribution). If you can advise ... is there a next-step for removing the flags, moving it to article space, now that the article isn't any longer a stub? Lettucecup (talk) 16:22, 19 August 2018 (UTC)Lettucecup[reply]

Hi Lettucecup, I'm not sure what you mean - it appears that the article is already in article space? Nikkimaria (talk) 20:53, 19 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]