Wikipedia:Peer review/Bajkam/archive1

Bajkam

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review for several reasons. My goal would be to bring this to GA level, and I'd like to be able to pinpoint any problems with it as well as brainstorming ways to make it better.

In case you'd like a brief topic summary before joining this review, the subject, Bajkam, was a Turkic warlord who served as top military official and de facto dictator of the Abbasid Caliphate during the 900s. Ironically enough, he was murdered by brigands while out enjoying the hunt.

Thanks, dci | TALK 00:43, 28 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. The only thing I'd suggest to meet the GAN prose requirements would be to add a sentence or two to the end of the lead, based on the last 3 paragraphs of the article. Otherwise, it meets WP:LEAD and WP:WTW. - Dank (push to talk) 04:45, 27 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. dci | TALK 02:56, 30 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: check alphabetization of Sources; "ever grateful thereafter" is a bit much; check for overlinking (Jibal twice in a single paragraph); suggest using full headings rather than subheadings (obviously most if not all of a biography is going to be "life"); any details on scholarly or biographical approaches to Bajkam? Nikkimaria (talk) 23:22, 1 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- I revised according to your comments. As for biographical approaches, there is an article by Marius Canard, a researcher who contributed to the Encyclopedia of Islam, on the topic. Unfortunately, there doesn't appear to be much of an analysis on the fellow as he was but one of many petty warlords who usurped the Caliph and viziers' roles as effective rulers of the empire. As described in the article, he was mentioned by some of the period's intellectuals, whom he had befriended. dci | TALK 00:19, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks to all for advice or suggestions, but given that things around here can be a bit slow, I think I'll withdraw and nominate for GA. dci | TALK 18:37, 2 December 2012 (UTC)[reply]