Wikipedia:Peer review/Battle of Balaclava/archive1
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've recently rewritten it. Comments and criticism welcome.
Thanks, Rebel Redcoat (talk) 21:33, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
- Comments by David Fuchs
- Starting from the very first sentence I'm afraid that this is going to be written without regard to someone who's not a MilHis buff. "The Battle of Balaclava, fought on 25 October 1854 during the Crimean War, was part of the Anglo-French-Turkish campaign to capture the port and fortress of Sevastopol, Russia's principal naval base on the Black Sea." If you've never heard of the Crimean War, then this sentence will lose you. Is everybody fighting against Russia? Are there more combatants than mentioned? I think starting off with a slow "The Battle of Balaclava was..." would be better.
- Likewise—"earlier Allied victory" no clue who the allies are
- In that vein, perhaps a "background" section, detailing the events of the war up to the battle in a quick and dirty form, would be useful.
- There are many statements—particularly those at the trailing end of paragraphs—that are unsourced. Even if the source is in the next paragraph its best to cite it there as well.
- There appear to be lots of double spaces between sections that should be removed.
- On a cursory glance the images appear decent, but I'd like to see sources for photographer/artist life dates and more than just a raw link to images if they are online. --Der Wohltempierte Fuchs (talk) 16:28, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
- David. Your concerns regarding a non-MilHist buff's perspective are noted. I appreciate your comments and time. Sorry for the delay in responding. Thank you. Rebel Redcoat (talk) 13:25, 21 March 2009 (UTC)