Wikipedia:Peer review/Best Thing I Never Had/archive2

Best Thing I Never Had

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I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take it to FAc very soon. Last time, this is the PR it got and no offense intended, I was not satisfied because I do not think that the article has reached a stage where there are only a small number of issues. I want someone to give it a strict PR. Criticize how much you want for all I want is "Best Thing I Never Had" to be an FA one day.

Thanks, Jivesh1205 (Talk) 09:39, 25 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: While I understand your frustration, let me start by saying that PR is a place to identify porblems and issues, but not necessarily to fix them or even to identify each and every example of a given problem. If an article has enough language issues, then it takes more work to point out every single language problem than it does just to copyedit it (and PR is not a place to get copyedits, though some editors will do them). That said, here are some suggestions for improvement.

Having looked at the previous PR, I see there are several suggestions on changes in language which have not been acted on (changing from passive to active voice). Again, it seems odd to complain that you want more suggestions when you have not acted on the ones in the previous PR (which I agree with).
There was also a comment on the last PR that several Byonce articles have issues with close paraphrasing etc. - I will try to check a few sources.
OK, I am going to read now and comment as I go. In the first sentence American does not need to be linked per WP:OVERLINK. Add links that enhance the reader's understanding and are not to words almost every understands the meaning of.
I do not think contemporary is needed in The song was generally well received by contemporary music critics...
Seems odd to to say the writing was completed in one sentence and then that it was modified (again) in the next After a few days, Dixon and Smith went to the studio again and completed the writing. The song was modified by Edmonds after hearing a demo; he tweaked the lyrics and added a few more melodies.[2] Also don't most songs just have one melody?
Records does not seem to be the right word here - perhaps tracks? Or songs? There, Smith, Babyface, and Dixon wrote six additional records and recorded five.[2]
Doies this really belong in a section called Writing and recording - what does it have to do with either? Move it to lyrical interpretation perhaps Knowles stated that every man and woman can relate to the song's subject matter because at one point, almost everyone ends a relationship because of lack of commitment by his or her partner.[7][8]
Should it be made clearer that these are also Beyonce songs? As a kissoff-themed song, "Best Thing I Never Had" is similar to "Irreplaceable" (2006) and "If I Were a Boy" (2008).[36][37]
Missing "the" and "female empowering ballad" just sounds odd A 25-second sample of second verse of "Best Thing I Never Had"; a female empowering ballad, ...
Elements is plural so it needs a verb to match ("appear") Kyle Anderson of Entertainment Weekly wrote that elements of "Best Thing I Never Had" appears to have emanated
I really dno't understand this sentence - probably needs to be split into two. I looekd up the original to see if it made more sense and do see some close paraphrasing. I bolded the stuff that is too close in the quotes below:

This article James Dinh of MTV News wrote that the song sounds like one from a Broadway musical, attributing the comparison to Knowles' collaboration with the band from Fela! to gain inspiration from the play's subject, Nigerian musician and composer, Fela Kuti.[1]

MTV article sounds not unlike a song you'd hear during a Broadway musical. That may be because, as Beyoncé has revealed, she collaborated with the band from "Fela!" for "a couple of days" to gain inspiration from the play's subject, Nigerian musician Fela Kuti.

OK, so it is late and I need to get some sleep. This has some language issues and needs a copyedit - it is not clear to me if it has been copyedited between the 1st PR and this or not. I also am worried that the one source I checked showed some close paraphrasing. Both of these would be a problem at FAC.
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:59, 13 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks wholeheartedly for this review. Jivesh1205 (Talk) 09:30, 15 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]