Wikipedia:Peer review/Bog turtle/archive2

Bog turtle

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
Alright ladies and gentlemen, we are up for another round of peer review. Our first pass was a huge success, it resulted in a GA article several months ago. This time however, we hope for this article to be reviewed to the highest of expectations...that's right, to FAC expectations. If there's anything at all you can suggest or ask questions about, please do. Let it begin. Thanks, NYMFan69-86 (talk) 23:51, 18 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is an interesting article, generally well-written and nicely illustrated. I did quite a bit of minor copyediting as I went, and I have suggestions for further improvement.

Lead

Done "The bog turtle (Glyptemys muhlenbergii) is the smallest North American turtle, measuring roughly 4 inches (10 cm) when fully grown." - It might be helpful to say whether this is the length or the width and, if possible, to give the other main dimension.

The current sources offer "carapace length measurements," which I assumed to be length...maybe I can dig up a width measurement.--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 20:24, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done "The bog turtle looks similar to (and lives in the same habitat as) the Painted turtle and the Spotted turtle because of the similarities between their carapaces and plastrons... " - Since you use lowercase for "bog turtle", the other turtles like "painted turtle" and "spotted turtle" should probably be lowercase too.
Done "as the females only lay an average of six eggs per clutch and one clutch per year" - Wikilink clutch on first use?

Description

Done In the image caption, wikilink dorsal perhaps to Anatomical terms of location#Dorsal and ventral?

Distribution and habitat

"The bog turtle prefers calcareous wetlands... ". - Wikilink calcareous?

On the discussion page, I was told to clarify it rather than link it by JimmyButler, my teacher!--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 20:28, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done "Early successional habitats lack mature trees that block sunlight from reaching the ground level and prevent the subsistence of the turtles." - Seems upside down, in a way. Would it be better to say, "The mature trees of late successional habitats block sunlight and prevent bog turtles from thriving."

~~No, no, no...the lack of the trees allows the turtles to live their in the first place. If larger trees were there, the turtles wouldn't be able to bask in sunlight.~~--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 20:35, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I understand what you mean now.--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 04:14, 26 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fossil record

Done Where are Cumberland Cave and the Giant Cement Quarry in relation to the nearest big population centers?

General

Done "Bog turtles spend a great deal of the day basking. It does so to reach an internal temperature... ". - Be careful about switching from singular to plural and back again; they are not interchangeable. In the quoted sequence, "it" refers to "turtles", which doesn't quite work. You could fix this by saying "The bog turtle spends... " or by saying "They do so to reach... ".
Done "An attacking male will crawl toward intruders with their necks extended and mouths open or closed." - Here's another example of the singular-plural conflict. "Male" is singular but is apparently linked to "their". At first glance, the sentence seems to be saying that the intruders have their necks extended.
Done "As they approach the intruder they will tilt their carapace... " - Here the plural "intruders" has suddenly become singular "intruder". For clarity, this section needs copyediting to make sure the nouns and pronouns are consistent in number (singular, plural).

Movement

Done "Males move an average of 2.1 meters a day and females move an average of 1.1 meters a day." - Conversions to imperial units?
Done "Home-range migration distances have been recorded at 87 meters for males and 62 meters for females." - Imperial conversions?

Diet

Done "The bog turtle is omnivorous and is known to eat aquatic plants (such as duckweed), seeds, berries, worms, snails, slugs, frogs, and insects." - It's best not to link words that most readers of English are already familiar with. I'd unlink "seeds", "berries", "worms", and "insects" for sure, and I might unlink "snails" and "frogs". It's a judgment call.
Done "Although an uncommon dietary item, the turtles will eat carrion." - Misplaced modifier. The turtles aren't a dietary item (at least not to the turtles). Suggestion: "The turtles will eat carrion, although this is uncommon".

Threats

Done "The bog turtle is commonly taken from its natural habitat by poachers despite it being illegal to catch, barter, import, or export one." - Awkward. Suggestion: "Poachers commonly take bog turtles from their natural habitat even though catching, bartering, importing, or exporting them is illegal."

Solutions

Done "There are several things that must happen if the bog turtle is to rebound from its current condition." - This expresses the point of view of one source. It would be better to describe actual efforts to protect the bog turtle than to present only a single opinion, even if it is the opinion of a source. Perhaps other opinions exist; they usually do.

I took this sentence out altogether.--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 04:18, 26 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done "The encroachment of overshadowing trees and brushes... " - Perhaps "bushes" rather than "brushes"?
Done "The first people to do this privately were Fred Wustholz and Richard J Holub during the 1960s and 1970s." - Who were they? Why were they interested?

Protective legislation

Done "This extremely short section repeats what has already been said earlier in the article. I'd remove it.

Public awareness

Done This section is extremely short as well, and it expresses a point of view of one source. Would it be possible to describe one or more education programs that have actually taken place?

I reworded this section to make it more factual and less opinionated. Was that your concern?--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 21:01, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

General

It's generally a good idea to merge or expand extremely short sections to prevent the article from seeming fragmented.

Alt text

Done I'd suggest adjusting the alt text slightly to remove information that's not available from the images themselves. For example, the alt text for the lead image says, "A bog turtle lifting its head while walking from the viewers right to left across a dry patch of land." This might be better as "A turtle, its head lifted slightly, is surrounded by brown and green grass." The alt text for the second image says, "A drawing of the bog turtle in several orientations, side and bottom. These views show both the plastron and the distinct blotch on the side of the neck." Suggestion: "A pair of drawings illustrate the top and bottom of a turtle, the body of which is encased in a shell from which the legs, head, and tail protrude. The turtle is mostly brown and black but has an orange spot on its neck." The trick is to describe only what you can see and not to include much specialized knowledge that comes from outside the image. Doing this well is a bit tricky. WP:ALT has explanations and examples, and you can read current discussions of alt text at WP:FAC.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:07, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This helped greatly, thank you so much. Anytime you need a peer review, I'm your man.--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 20:58, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You were very helpful. Thank you!--Merry Beth (talk) 21:37, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Glad to help. Looking at this again today, I noticed the "done" templates. They should be removed per the PR instructions: "The size of this page is limited. Please do not add images to peer reviews, such as the tick/cross images in {{done}}/{{notdone}} templates. Use the non-image templates,

Done/✗ Not done, instead." Finetooth (talk) 23:25, 25 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

You got it. Thanks again.--NYMFan69-86 (talk) 01:24, 26 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]