Wikipedia:Peer review/Buffalo, New York/archive1

Buffalo, New York

This should be an easy one. Compare to the following FA articles of comparable US cities:

• Detroit, Michigan
• Cleveland, Ohio
• Hamilton, Ontario
• Erie, Pennsylvania

Feedback please.--SallyForth123 05:25, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Automated Peer Review

• Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Build the web, years with full dates should be linked; for example, link January 15, 2006.^[?]
• Please reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Wikipedia:Guide to layout.^[?]
  • Note: This is because of the section that starts with the name "City", which the tool confuses with a "Citations" (better known as References) section. See User:AndyZ/peerreviewer.js --SallyForth123 05:47, 31 July 2007 (UTC)
• Per WP:WIAFA, this article's table of contents (ToC) may be too long- consider shrinking it down by merging short sections or using a proper system of daughter pages as per Wikipedia:Summary style.^[?]
• This article may need to undergo summary style, where a series of appropriate subpages are used. For example, if the article is United States, than an appropriate subpage would be History of the United States, such that a summary of the subpage exists on the mother article, while the subpage goes into more detail.^[?]
• Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
  • While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 40 additive terms, a bit too much.
  • Vague terms of size often are unnecessary and redundant - “some”, “a variety/number/majority of”, “several”, “a few”, “many”, “any”, and “all”. For example, “All pigs are pink, so we thought of a number of ways to turn them green.”
• Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.^[?]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, SallyForth123 05:30, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

Review by Shalom

I read and edited about half of the article. You can isolate my edits by checking the overall diff in the article history. I added several "citation needed" tags and some hidden messages in the source code to advise certain changes. In particular, I am concerned about the list of films set in Buffalo because it might be a WP:TRIVIA section. Shalom ^Hello 19:48, 1 August 2007 (UTC)