Wikipedia:Peer review/Carey Mulligan/archive1

Carey Mulligan

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I've listed this article for peer review because the G.A.N. page is congested with nominees and has a long waiting period, so it would be in the best interest of the page to try to fix the pages problems so when it's review for a G.A. begins the review will go faster. So it would be greatly appreciated if any editors could list the articles issues, preferably showing examples, of grammar, spelling, format, etc. Thanks, Ashley92995 (talk) 09:52, 4 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Bradley0110

I have reviewed this revision.

Further to my previous comments on your talk page, the number one issue with the article right now is redundancy. Two examples from the lead and first section:
- "She made her film debut as Kitty Bennet in Pride & Prejudice (2005). Following her film debut, she had television roles in the BBC Charles Dickens adaptation Bleak House (2005) and the following year she appeared in The Amazing Mrs Pritchard."

Done Changed first "her film debut" to "her acting debut" and changed second "her film debut" to "Following Pride & Prejudice" Ashley92995 (talk) 05:41, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- "[...]before she began professionally acting, she had once "secretly" applied to three drama schools on her UCAS form, but was rejected by all three schools.[2][5][9] Mulligan stated that after she was rejected three times by acting schools and did not make the cut...". Then a little later, "In 2009, Mulligan stated that she had felt that being rejected three times by the schools..."

Done Reworded to "before she began professionally acting, she had once "secretly" applied to and been rejected by three drama schools on her UCAS.[2][5][9] Mulligan stated that after she was rejected and did not make the cut after another audition she began to question pursuing an acting career and went through a "confusing time".[5]" and "Mulligan stated that those negative experiences had a positive effect on her because it made her "realize just how much" she wanted to act.[13]" Ashley92995 (talk) 05:41, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Secondly, there's a lot of "lumpy" grammar, e.g.:
- "After Mulligan's father accepted a job, which was managing the European arm of Intercontinental Hotels, at the age of three, her family moved from England to Germany." Her father accepted the job at the age of three?(!) Try "At the age of three, Mulligan moved with her family from England to Germany after her father accepted the job of managing the European arm of Intercontinental Hotels."

Done Ashley92995 (talk) 05:41, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- "Despite being screened at film festivals,[20] the film was without a release date for a long period of time, until receiving a release date in November 2009...". Again, there's redundancy here and a slight misunderstanding about film distribution; what the film lacked was a distributor, which would then set the release date. The use of "Despite" at the beginning of the sentence implies that it is unusual for an indie film like The Greatest not to get a distributor straight away, when it is in fact the norm.

Done I changed/re-worded the sentence to "After being screened at multiple film festivals,[4] the film was without a distributer for a long period of time, until receiving a distributer in late 2009 which gave the film a release date in November 2009 internationally and a limited release in North America in March 2010.[5]" Ashley92995 (talk) 05:41, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- "In 2009, her most notable role of both the year and her career was, An Education in which she played the lead role of Jenny. Mulligan was twenty-two when she was cast as Jenny, who is sixteen to seventeen in the film.[25] The film's creative team were initially concerned over Mulligan's casting due to the fact that she, twenty two at the time, was to portray a sixteen year old, but after seeing her screen test, felt confident about her casting". More redundancy.

Done re-worded to "In 2009, her most notable role of both the year and her career was, An Education in which she played the lead role of Jenny. Mulligan was twenty-two when she was cast as Jenny, who is sixteen in the film;[9] the film's creative team were initially concerned over the age difference but after seeing her screen test, felt confident about her casting.[10]" Ashley92995 (talk) 05:41, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The layout of the article is generally good, however I'm a bit confused by the way you've chosen to display the awards. The actors wikiproject is lenient with the way awards are displayed; they can either be merged with the filmography or, if the person has received many accolades, have their own table. I've never seen "specific" and "general" awards split in this manner. My advice would be to have all of the awards in a separate table, since she's had quite a lot for An Education.

Done I reformatted Mulligan's award chart and added her awards and noms. from her filmography chart to the "Awards" chart. Ashley92995 (talk) 05:41, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Good luck with improving the article. Bradley0110 (talk) 13:45, 5 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for all of your help. I've corrected all the problems you've listed above, If there are anymore please let me know. Ashley92995 (talk) 05:44, 6 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

If there are anymore things that need editing in the article please let me know, if not (or if there isn't a response) I'll close this peer review in a few days. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 22:54, 9 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Seeing as though there haven't been any responses, I'm going to close the articles peer review. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 06:07, 12 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]