Wikipedia:Peer review/Chondromalacia patellae/archive1

Chondromalacia patellae

This peer review discussion has been closed.

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because i want to see if i am on the right track with editing my article and to get suggestion on what i need to fix.

Thanks, Mmc cyclone (talk) 04:55, 19 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

This will be quite harsh because this is no where near ready for GA nomination or FAC. I suggest you do more editing than swapping two words and adding a single reference line (incorrectly I might add, as instead of one reference appearing in your "References" section, it appears multiple times). It also took me about 3 seconds to notice that your "jgames" website has its information TAKEN from the wikipedia article you are editing. How can it be that you are citing yourself? If this is not a form of plagarism it is certainly unethical and a poor attempt to "cheat" the system. That being said, I suggest you fix the following:

Fix your reference - you cannot cite your own work.
Find out how to list an inline citation multiple times for one reference (Wikipedia:Footnotes#Naming_a_ref_tag_so_it_can_be_used_more_than_once}
"It is common in young adults, especially soccer players, cyclists, rowers, tennis players, ballet dancers, horseback riders, and runners." -- Reference please?
Don't use inline citations in the middle of sentences unless it is required (author's name etc.) -- they tend to go at the end
I don't see a single line that defines RICE in this reference
Try to get rid of the "External links" section
This is a medical journal, not a website and should be cited as such

Also, I see nothing that supports your claim in the abstract and, as a general rule of thumb, you do not link to abstracts of a medical journal -- only the full journal article (if available). Please use PubMed

Overall, this article needs a lot of work but it is do-able. Food_Puma 23:15, 21 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on references - (this version)
- All of them except for 3,5 and 8 need to be replaced.
  - Jgames is a mirror of Wikipedia...you can't use copied text to cite the original text, pal...
- Mayo Clinic is in the references section, but where do you use that in the article? Use an in-line citation please. —Ed 17 ^{(Talk / Contribs)} 23:45, 21 November 2008 (UTC)[reply]

THE REQUEST FOR PEER REVIEW HAS BEEN CANCELED - THIS ARTICLE IS NO LONGER BEING ACTIVELY EDITED BY Mmc cyclone.