Wikipedia:Peer review/Cleveland Street scandal/archive1

Cleveland Street scandal

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.

Thanks for all and any comments. DrKiernan (talk) 14:31, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Laser brain comments

This is already very good, and I don't think it will be a huge push to get it to FA status. I made some punctuation tweaks as I was reading and noted some other items below. I know red links are allowed, but they are always ugly to me, especially in the lead. Any chance of writing stubs for Euston and maybe Willie Mathews?

Opening sentence—isn't "on" a street more proper than "in"?
Odd use of "vice" in the lead. My understanding of the term is a destructive but socially-accepted habit like drinking or gambling. You seem to indicate homosexual acts were not quite so.
In the lead, you mix "clients" and "alleged clients" and I think some clear delineation is needed. Was there concrete proof of anyone being a client, and can you cite it?
"During the investigation, a fifteen-year old telegraph boy named Charles Thomas Swinscow was discovered to be in possession of 14 shillings, representing several weeks' wages." Unclear whether you are referring to several weeks of the boy's wages.
"... seventeen-year old George Alma Wright and Charles Ernest Thickbroom." How old was Thickbroom?
"On August 19, a further arrest warrant was issued ..." Suggest "another arrest warrant"
"By this time, Somerset had moved onto Hanover ..." Suggest "moved to" or "moved on to". There are more of these ("Hammond moved onto Belgium and Somerset ...") Is this a British English thing?
"Hammond moved onto Belgium and Somerset, through Newton, paid for Hammond to emigrate to the United States." This sentence doesn't make sense to me.
The phrase "on the Continent" is certain to be unfamiliar to non-British readers.
I understand that anyone who's anyone is now unlinking date/months, per Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style_(links)#Dates. The idea is that the value of removing link-clutter outweighs the small percentage of readers who have a date preference set or who actually care if it's day/month or month/day. Most readers will easily tolerate regional differences. --Laser brain (talk) 06:18, 14 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
- Thanks! I've implemented some changes. DrKiernan (talk) 08:23, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. The sourcing looks good.

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 13:30, 20 July 2008 (UTC)