Wikipedia:Peer review/Commander (song)/archive1

Commander (song)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I feel like it makes an excellent use of the available information. When I began editing the article this is what it looked like, to its current state which not only achieved GA status but was also survived a GA Reassessment. I accept that if the article suffers from anything its probably prose which is of a good standard but in doubt it could be better. It is my candidate to nominate for FA and so it would be good for those already experienced in FA's to comment on it.

Thanks, -- Lil_℧niquℇ №1 | talk2me 22:06, 16 September 2010 (UTC)

Comments from Jappalang

• Checklinks (toolbox on the right of this peer review page) shows two dead links; they should be fixed.

• R&B, EP, UK, MTV, etc

  All abbreviations (and there are more than those pointed out above) are to be named in full on the first mention (WP:MOS#Acronyms and abbreviations).

• "In 2009, before Rowland and Guetta collaborated ..."

  Better to start with full names. The lede is a summary of the main body (and some readers ignore the lede to jump into the main body). As such, the main text should also be structured to start off introducing the reader to the events that follow. I recommend a slight rewrite to the start of this section.

• "These claims would be denied by the singer who said that ..."

  Ambiguity here: who is the "singer", Rowland or Knowles?

• Themes should not be based primarily or exclusively on primary sources. There should be secondary views who would be more detached or coloured in their opinions about the song. The same goes for the meanings and interpretations of the song.

• "... when the Ne-Yo-penned ..."

  A name does not need a definite article.

• Long quotes should be block quoted instead of left inline in paragraphs (WP:MOS#Quotations), and there seems to be quite a number of long quotes here.

• "... promo clips ..."

  "Promo" is an informal word, unsuitable for an encyclopaedia.

• "When Robbie Daw of 'Idolator' saw ..."

  Why is Idolator in single quotes? What is it, a television show or a band?

• "Sic" should be in square brackets.

• The fair use rationale for File:Kelly Rowland - Commander (feat. David Guetta).ogg should state what specific qualities mentioned in the article it would help readers to understand. Furthermore, "may contain part of the song's chorus" is banal; either the uploaded file has it or not.

• File:Kelly Rowland - Commander (Video Snap).jpg should explain what part of "Rowland's concept and theme" it is supposed to help illustrate that words cannot clearly convey.

Overall, my biggest issue with this article is the predominance of opinons of the primary sources (singer, composer, and producer); the article comes across as a promotion piece, espousing possible self-interests without a detached view of the song and its meaning. Jappalang (talk) 15:14, 25 September 2010 (UTC)

Comments from Tbhotch^{Talk C.}

• Infobox

(see release history) -> I'm against this because you are sending the reader to the bottom of the page. As I always say "If you are reading the article, you'll find them anyway".

Format = Digital download -> and CD single? In Germany it was.

• Lead

"Commander" is a song performed by American recording artist Kelly Rowland from her self-titled third studio album, Kelly Rowland (2010). -> maybe -> "Commander" is a song performed by American recording artist Kelly Rowland from her self-titled third studio album, in 2010.

The song was premiered at the 2010 Winter Music Conference and subsequently garnered acclaim from contemporary critics for Rowland's vocal performance as well as Guetta's musical production -> comma -> The song was premiered at the 2010 Winter Music Conference, and subsequently garnered acclaim from contemporary critics for Rowland's vocal performance as well as Guetta's musical production

2010 Winter Music Conference and -> Is it an album, a book, a film or a TV show?

the UK and...released in the United Kingdom -> maybe it should be inverted

• Background and context

collaborated for "When Love Takes Over" -> link

hers -> hers'?

Ref 4 "Kelly Rowland has no qualms with Beyoncé" -> Kelly Rowland hat keinen Zoff mit Beyonce Knowles is the correct title, use the |trans_title= instead.

there's Ciara putting something out and GaGa -> Who?

• Composition

"Commander" is an electro-house-R&B[6][7] song written-> maybe -> "Commander" is an electro-house-R&B song(, maybe a comma)[6][7] written

Guetta, Sandy Wilhelm and Rico Love[8] -> different topic -> Guetta, Sandy Wilhelm and Rico Love,[8]

"there's no other who do it like I do it" and "you won't find no lady who does it like I does it". -> I am not an English speaker, would you specify where are the errors, or maybe add a [sic], LilHelpa would change it later. Also the BBC review would be used as source.

been looking on Twitter and -> wikilink

darker" than her previous material but still fun. -> maybe a comma, "previous material, but still fun"

• Release

June 28, 2010 May 19, 2010 June 29, 2010 -> June 28, 2010, May 19, 2010, June 29, 2010,

for an urban mix of the song[22] -> for an urban mix of the song,[22]

American rapper Nelly heard the new version in its early stages and asked if he could be featured on the remix. -> Nowhere in the sources state that Nelly heard the new version nor he asked for a feature.

was confirmed when the Ne-Yo-penned, "Shake Them Haters Off"[28] -> {{xt|was confirmed when the Ne-Yo-penned "Shake Them Haters Off",[28]

to impact in thew United States -> typo

• Critical reception

The site's other reviewer -> needs a better wording

Muhammad Ali -> who?

Kelis' 'Acapella', for example ... collaborations with Kelis ("Acapella") -> something is wrong with it, would you guess it?

she felt that "[David Guetta] -> already mentioned

jam of the year"[36] whilst -> jam of the year",[36] whilst

• Chart performance

May 18, 2010 (the day of release) -> May 18, 2010, (the day of release)

number 36;[38][dead link] -> You know

added to urban music radio[44] and UK's -> comma

on the UK Singles Chart at number 167[47] supported -> different topic, comma

station BBC 1Xtra[48] as -> id.

nine on the UK Download Chart[54] and -> id

the single was one of rowland most weeks -> ???

Whatever in the world you tried to said above most weeks on chart in UK TOP 70 with 16 weeks.[55] is not supported by the source.

In Asia, the single receive successful impact in the Philippines Media on Television (MYX) either the Radio Stations which one of the most requested song of September 2010. ->

twenty-four[56] before peaking -> comma -> twenty-four,[56] before peaking

It debuted in Australia on the Singles Chart at number sixty-four[58] and -> It debuted in Australia on the Australian Singles Chart at number sixty-four,[58] and

and has since peaked at -> so it peaked once and it will peak again?

number thirty-nine[61] before falling -> number thirty-nine,[61] before falling

Wallonia and Flanders Ultratip Charts[64][65] as well -> Wallonia and Flanders Ultratip Charts,[64][65] as well

It also reached top-twenty in Norway[67] and the Ukraine [68] in addition to top-thirty in Denmark[69] and Sweden.[70] -> It also reached top-twenty in Norway,[67] and the(¿?¿?) Ukraine,[68] in addition to top-thirty in Denmark and Sweden.[69][70]

• Music video

on May 5, 2010 -> on May 5, 2010,

in the video[74] whilst Fatima Robinson -> different topic, comma

On June 1, 2010 -> On June 1, 2010,

UK music channels MTV[77] and MTV Base[78] began to play the early version of the video on June 8, 2010[79] -> maybe -> UK music channels MTV and MTV Base began to play the early version of the video on June 8, 2010,[77][78][79] -> still the same topic

June 21, 2010 -> June 21, 2010,

WP:ALT missed

dancing shoes (sic)." -> dancing shoes [sic]."

July 6, 2010 -> July 6, 2010,

'Idolator' -> before it was Idolator, typo?

Janet Jackson saying that it had "old-school Janet vibe- > overlinked

according to Martin -> only Martin?

'TeenToday' -> is in ' ' because

their hair" (sic) -> their hair" [sic]

• Promotion

live at at Cathy -> typo

June 25 -> 2010? 2012? 2001?

promotion tv -> television or TV

promotion -> promotional

Miss Universe 2010 -> wikilink

Las Vegas. -> id.

• Track listings

David Guetta, Extended play, Rico Love and Nelly are overlinked

• Charts

Why a "spam" link appears at the Ukraine Airplay (UMRL) chart?

• References

61 and 62 -> RIANZ. Media Sauce Ltd.. -> blame the template

77, 78, 79, 81 -> mtv.co.uk. -> maybe other worker

• General

"whilst" throughout -> American subject

lacks of commas throughout, especially after mdy dates

Consistency with the ". / ."

Maybe all the "kellyrowland.com" on the references would be renamed to Kelly Rowland Official Website

Those are my comments, hope they help you. Tbhotch^{Talk C.} 03:39, 27 September 2010 (UTC)