Wikipedia:Peer review/Computer Bismarck/archive1

Computer Bismarck

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
16:05, 27 July 2009 (UTC) I recently expanded this article and would like an extra pair of eyes to catch mistakes I probably missed. Specifically in regard to the "Gameplay" section. I've never played the game and would appreciate it if someone who has gave it a look. I plan on nominating the article for DYK? very soon, and for GAN after the peer review. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks, (Guyinblack25 ^talk 20:50, 7 July 2009 (UTC))[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is interesting, factually accurate and verifiable, generally well-written, stable, and neutral. I made a few minor proofing changes and copyedits, but I don't see much else to do. I have just a couple of suggestions or questions. I think it has a pretty good chance of making GA.

I altered this sentence because it had a weak "with" connector: "The game takes place on a map of the Atlantic Ocean on which letters from the English alphabet represent military units and facilities (airfields and ports)." After making my alteration, I thought maybe the sentence should say "Atlantic Ocean and some of its islands and coastlines" because airfields wouldn't be on the ocean itself. I leave this for you to decide.

Wikilink box art in the lead?

Mention that the battle took place during World War II?

One more image would be nice, possibly HMS Hood or one of the other British ships or even one of the British airplanes that helped sink the Bismarck. The image could perhaps go into one of the image-less lower sections.

I hope these few suggestions and minor tweaks prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:15, 14 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the copy edit. I've implemented some of the suggestions you made.

I didn't add the info about the "islands and coastlines" because I figured that sentence had enough detail already. Plus I think the image adequately conveys that. If you think the phrase would still benefit the sentence, then I won't object.
Wikilinked box art to Video game packaging#Box art.
Added mention of WWII.
Because the article focuses on the game, I felt any real photos from Last battle of the battleship Bismarck and the related articles should be kept to a minimum. Also, since the only section that discusses that content (Computer Bismarck#Synopsis) is so short, there isn't much room to place photos near the relevant text.

Thanks again for your help. (Guyinblack25 ^talk 15:51, 14 July 2009 (UTC))[reply]