Wikipedia:Peer review/David Watts Morgan/archive1

David Watts Morgan

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it's developing into the most comprehensive single biography of this man currently available. With your help, I'd like to see the article get to GA status.

Thanks, Pondle (talk) 19:29, 23 August 2010 (UTC)

Comments from Jappalang

• Dablinks (toolbox on the right of this page) shows a disambiguation link; please fix this.
  • Done FruitMonkey (talk) 10:22, 31 August 2010 (UTC)

Early life

• What is a pit boy? What is a checkweightman? In these cases where the profession might not be common enough, perhaps a brief explanation would do.
  • I have explained checkweightman, but pit boy is bit trickier as I'm not sure which role he carried out, manning the ventilation doors, working at the surface, cart boy, etc. FruitMonkey (talk) 20:21, 30 August 2010 (UTC)
    • A general description for the pit boy might suffice if specifics are unknown, e.g. "helping miners with less strenuous work such as manning ventilation doors and pushing carts" or such. Jappalang (talk) 22:39, 30 August 2010 (UTC)

      Took your advice and added the explanation. FruitMonkey (talk) 10:22, 31 August 2010 (UTC)

Trade unionism

• "A moderate leader, he worked fruitlessly alongside William Abraham to resolve the 1910–11 Cambrian Combine dispute, being shunned by the more radical miners' leaders."

  I do not think the "being shunned" works as attached here. Break it off with a semi-colon?

  • I have changed the sentence. FruitMonkey (talk) 20:21, 30 August 2010 (UTC)

Military service

• "Despite the Oxford Dictionary of National Biography reporting Watts Morgan as being promoted to lieutenant-colonel on 8 March 1919, his retirement from the forces; the London Gazette entry of May 1919 describes him merely as major."

  Noun + -ing construct in the first clause (refer to User:Tony1/Noun_plus_-ing). Is the semi-colon used correctly here? "Merely" is also introducing a bias there.

  • I'm a bit confused with the Noun+ -ing. If that is meant to refer to reporting, then report in this respect is not a noun it's a verb. Though the colon and merely are gone. FruitMonkey (talk) 20:33, 30 August 2010 (UTC)
    • When used as a verb in this aspect, the structure should be "noun (possessive form) + -ing", e.g. "Oxford Dictionary of National Biography's reporting". The awkwardness one might find can be rephrased to "Although Oxford Dictionary of National Biography reported that Watts Morgan was promoted to lieutenant-colonel on 8 March 1919, the date of his retirement from the forces, the London Gazette entry of May 1919 described him as a major." Jappalang (talk) 22:39, 30 August 2010 (UTC)

• "Until early June 1921 he is described in The Times and London Gazette as Major D. Watts Morgan, later in the month this changes to Lieutenant-Colonel Watts Morgan."

  Are the tenses correct?

  • Tenses all switched to past tense. FruitMonkey (talk) 19:16, 1 September 2010 (UTC)

Member of Parliament

• "Watts Morgan made his maiden speech in the House of Commons in April 1919, on one of his special interests, housing; stating the state and shortage of housing in the Welsh coalfields as '...the chief cause of the industrial unrest."

  Again, I am not certain the semi-colon is apt here. A pair of em-dashes, perhaps?

  • I have addressed by splitting the sentence in two, which has also removed the 'he stated on the state...' something that was a bit clunky. FruitMonkey (talk) 10:26, 31 August 2010 (UTC)

• Better not to make readers jump to another article here. What is so special about Ramsay MacDonald that Watts Morgan would have been expected for office?
  • I have added the words Prime Minister to explain MacDonald's importance. FruitMonkey (talk) 20:36, 30 August 2010 (UTC)

Personal life

• What happened between Watts Morgan and Elizabeth Williams?
  • No idea. Not sure if their divorced or she died. FruitMonkey (talk) 20:19, 30 August 2010 (UTC)
    • It might be worth to dig further to find out. It is a bit puzzling to see him married to another with only a cursory mention of the first when polygamy was not allowed. However, nothing can be done if there are no reliable sources that mention this. Jappalang (talk) 22:39, 30 August 2010 (UTC)

• What is a "pithead baths"?
  • Explanation added. FruitMonkey (talk) 10:40, 31 August 2010 (UTC)

• Are there no sources that chronicle his personal interests or such?
  • Added. FruitMonkey (talk) 20:20, 30 August 2010 (UTC)

• What are "Ivorites" and "Foresters" societies? Jappalang (talk) 22:39, 30 August 2010 (UTC)
  • Linked them to articles and added 'friendly society'. FruitMonkey (talk) 23:44, 30 August 2010 (UTC)

Overall, I find the prose very good (with what I think are a few quirks above). Jappalang (talk) 10:04, 29 August 2010 (UTC)

I think the article's current state is a good bet for GA, and possibly FA in the future. Jappalang (talk) 02:59, 1 September 2010 (UTC)