Wikipedia:Peer review/Death of Selena/archive1

Death of Selena

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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like this article to be a featured article. The article was redirected because of relevant information, however, I have expanded the entire article from 11,000 bytes to over 50,000 bytes.

Thanks, AJona1992 (talk) 14:26, 31 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Time ago, I remember that it was an incident in which you were adding an image about Selena at Grammys. You claimed it was from your mother or grandmother, I do not remember. If you born in 1992, how all the images in this article are yours? ۞ Tbhotch^™ & (ↄ), Problems with my English? 21:50, 1 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Aww you still think of me? lolz how cute, well the images have been taken care of. Take care, AJona1992 (talk) 03:19, 4 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: While I thank you for your work on Selena related articles, I share Tbhotch's concerns about the images. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

If this goes to FAC there will be an image review. Your self identify on your user page as being born in 1992. Selena died in 1995 when you were about 3 years old. There is no way a three year old took the photos you identify as "Own work". You also self identify as living in Orlando, Florida for the first several years of your life, so how did you get to Texas to take the pictures? In short, the images you claim as own work look very much like they are copyright violations.
There is a toolbox on this PR page with an external link checker - it shows two dead ELs that would have to be fixed before FAC.
The article has a major cleanup banner at the top - This article may require copy editing for grammar, style, cohesion, tone, or spelling.
The peer review page says Articles must be free of major cleanup banners and 14 days must have passed since any previous peer review or unsuccessful FAC.
FAC criteria include a professional level of English - See WP:WIAFA. Unfortunately this is not anywhere near that level yet - it has a large number of glaring errors and in places either does not make sense or is basically incomprhensible.
For example The gun shot which pierced Selena's artery which was fueled by adrenaline. Last I checked, bullets were fueled by gunpowder.
Or spelling - it should be "forth" The SWAT and the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit were brought fourth.[15] or it should be "Lead" in Led negotiator, Larry Young tried to establish a rapport with Saldivar in order for Saldivar to give herself up.[15]
In the lead, why is the KEDA bit "Among the most noteworthy events"? The article body does not say that that I can see.
My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way but the current lead does not seem to follow this.
The first sentence does not follow WP:LEAD - it is Selena was a Grammy Award-winning Mexican American and half-Cherokee Indian singer-songwriter, dancer, model, actress, and a fashion designer, who gained world wide fame as the lead vocalist for her family-orientated band, Selena y Los Dinos and her community involvement. but WP:LEAD says in part First sentence: The article should begin with a declarative sentence telling the nonspecialist reader what (or who) is the subject.
The references are not consistent. They do not all have access dates (but all need them). Those that do are not consistent - some say "Retrieved on", some just say "Retrieved", at least one says "Accessed".
The date formats are also inconsistent - some are all numbers like 2011-06-08, others are day month year 23 May 2011, otrhers are month day, year
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:16, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]