Wikipedia:Peer review/Degrassi: The Next Generation (season 8)/archive2
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to nominate it at WP:Featured list candidates soon, and I'd like any suggestions for what else needs doing.
Thanks, Matthewedwards : Chat 21:25, 27 July 2009 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is interesting but needs work on prose and Manual of Style issues. Here are a few suggestions.
Lead
- MOS:INTRO says in part, "The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article." A good rule of thumb is to include at least a mention of each section of the main text and not to include material that is not developed in the main text. The existing lead doesn't mention the "Reception" section, and it includes details about broadcast times and methods that aren't mentioned in any main text section. The second problem might be addressed by adding a "Production" section that includes this material, which can then be briefly summarized in the lead.
- "Season eight airs Sundays at 7:30 p.m. on CTV... " - WP:NBSP says in part, "Wikipedia recommends the use of a non-breaking space (also known as a hard space) when necessary to prevent the end-of-line displacement of elements that would be awkward at the beginning of a new line... " This applies specifically to constructions like 7:30 p.m. and anything else that might split awkwardly on any computer screen. You will probably find quite a few of these here and there throughout the article. Adding the nbsp code will turn them into inseparable units.
- "Unlike seasons six and seven, which premiered in the U.S., "Uptown Girl Part One", this season's premiere episode, was broadcast in Canada first, with "Uptown Girl Part Two" airing a week later; in the U.S., however, both parts aired together as an hour-long special." - I had trouble figuring out what this sentence meant. Suggestion: "Unlike seasons six and seven, which premiered in the U.S., season 8 was broadcast in Canada first. "Uptown Girl Part One" began the season, and "Uptown Girl Part Two" aired a week later; in the U.S., however, both parts aired together as an hour-long special."
Cast
- "Beginning in this season, Amanda Stepto, Aubrey Graham, Mike Lobel, and Adamo Ruggiero as Christine "Spike" Nelson, Jimmy Brooks, Jay Hogart, and Marco Del Rossi, respectively, have also been dropped to recurring status, as well as Lauren Collins (Paige Michalchuk), who also appears in Life with Derek, Stacey Farber (Ellie Nash), who has signed on to appear in a new series for the 2008–09 television season, 18 to Life, and Shenae Grimes (Darcy Edwards), who has taken a leading role in the new American television series 90210, which premiered in September 2008 and is filmed in Los Angeles, California." - Too complex. Suggestion: "Beginning in this season, Amanda Stepto, Aubrey Graham, Mike Lobel, and Adamo Ruggiero as Christine "Spike" Nelson, Jimmy Brooks, Jay Hogart, and Marco Del Rossi, respectively, have also been dropped to recurring status. Others in this category include Lauren Collins (Paige Michalchuk), who also appears in Life with Derek and Stacey Farber (Ellie Nash), who has signed on to appear in a new series for the 2008–09 television season, 18 to Life,. In addition, Shenae Grimes (Darcy Edwards) has taken a leading role in the new American television series 90210, which premiered in September 2008 and is filmed in Los Angeles, California."
- "Argiris Karras plays twelfth grade Riley Stavros... " - When two linked words or phrases bump into each other like this, it's hard for the reader to tell at a glance what is being linked. Usually it's possible to recast slightly to avoid this kind of link bump. Suggestion: ""Argiris Karras plays Riley Stavros, a twelfth grader... " Ditto for any other bumped links in the article.
- "Raymond Ablack, Samantha Munro, Jajube Mandiela, Aislinn Paul, Natty Zavitz, and Scott Paterson, who previously held recurring roles as Sav Bhandari, Anya MacPherson, Chante Black, Clare Edwards, Bruce, and Johnny DiMarco. - not a sentence, no verb
- "and former cast members Jake Epstein (Craig Manning)... " - "cast member" since only one?
Crew
- Perhaps this section could be re-named "Production" and could include the broadcasting details mentioned in the lead.
- "This time it deals with the anniversary of Rick Murray's death and his haunting former classmates." - Does this mean that he returns to haunt his former classmates, or does it mean that his former classmates are haunting?
Reception
- "That number was even lower for episode eleven, when overnight ratings showed it received 139,000 viewers." - "attracted" rather than "received"?
- "Calgary Herald and National Post writer Michael Morrison said Paula Brancati "has become my favorite Canadian actress", admiring her ability to play two different characters on two different series – Jane Vaugn on Degrassi: The Next Generation and Jenny on Being Erica – with an age difference of about thirteen years,[47] and in playing Jane, a character who is the victim of child molestation "[it] is never an easy thing for an actor to portray, but Brancati does it convincingly." - Too complex. I'd suggest making two sentences out of this one.
- The giant final paragraph would be better split in logical places into about three smaller ones.
- "At AfterElton.com, a magazine a website that focuses on the portrayal of bisexual and homosexual men in the media, was critical that the sexuality of new character Riley, played by Argiris Karras, has so far been through the eyes of Peter Stone, Riley's unrequited love interest, and that the storyline served only to advance Peter's character." - This sentence doesn't make sense.
Notes
- Citation 33 is incomplete.
- WP:MOSNUM#Formatting consistency says in part, "Dates in article references should all have the same format." For this reason, you should change all of the date formats in the reference section to either yyyy-mm-dd or d-m-y but not a mixture of the two.
- Citation 17 has a dead url.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 01:48, 2 August 2009 (UTC)