Wikipedia:Peer review/Dominic Cork/archive1

Dominic Cork

This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review so it can be checked through, verified and pretty much gone through with a fine tooth comb! AssociateAffiliate (talk) 21:46, 14 March 2011 (UTC)

Comments from Nev1

• The lead could be significantly expanded.
• Is there anything on his early life, a bit of background on where he went to school for example? - Done
• "His maiden international wicket was that of Inzamam-ul-Haq, who was his only wicket in the match": a bit repetitious perhaps, I think saying something along the lines of "He took one wicket in the match, that of Inzamam-ul-Haq" would convey the same information as it would be implicit that Cork hadn't taken a wicket in full internationals before. - Done
• "ODI's" should be "ODIs" as it's not possessive or an abbreviation. There's a similar issue with Tests. - Done
• "Cork played infrequently for England over the coming seasons, playing just two ODI's each in 1993 and 1994, against Australia and South Africa respectively.": I like the approach taken here; when I'm putting together articles on crickets I feel like I can sometimes get too bogged down on statistics and this conveys the relevant information without unnecessary numbers which would make it less interesting to read. Could you find anything on why Cork played infrequently?
• "His first Test wicket came in the West Indies when he dismissed Ian Bishop": I think there's something miss
• "This performance highlighted that at the time, Cork was the best all-rounder in England": This bit's going to be tricky as it sounds like a point of view. I think a better approach would be to say who thought he was the best all-rounder.
• "Cork was once more England's leading wicket-taker, with 19 Test wickets at an average of 25.52 and best innings figures of 5/84": This is the first time it's been mentioned that Cork was England's leading wicket-taker in a series, so something is missing here.
• When it says "Cricket World Cup" you may want to drop "Cricket" as it should be obvious. - Done
• "In a tournament in which none of the England bowlers shone": This again is a point of view that needs a citation. The current reference just gives figures, and while I'd agree with the conclusion it could be argued that maybe the bowlers were unlucky or bowling on flat pitches.
• Wisden do pieces on their Cricketers' of the Year, if you could track that down I think it would be a useful addition to the article.
• The "more style than substance" quote needs a source, and so far the article doesn't really put into context why people may have thought this.
• "his mind was not correct for playing" is an odd turn of phrase, and it might be more idiomatic to say something like "he was not in the right frame of mind to play". Done
• It seems odd to mention the breakdown of his marriage affecting Cork before mentioning that he was married at all. Maybe the personal life section should come immediately after the lead? However then you're talking about Dancing on Ice before Test cricket. One option might be to integrate this section into the rest of the article as his personal life clearly affecting his cricketing career.
• "The internal divisions between Cork and the county management had came to the fold publicly": I'm not sure what this bit means. - Reworded
• "He was awarded a benefit year in 2001, which was boycotted by certain figures at Derbyshire": Which certain figures? - Done
• "Cork's international career came to an end in 2002, allowing him to dedicate himself to playing season long for Derbyshire": Was it guaranteed that Cork would never play for England again? Otherwise, I'm not sure this statement stands up.
• "they fined him £1,000 and banned him for three matches, suspended for a year": This could be read as Cork being suspended for a year rather than the three-match ban, so probably needs clarifying. Done
• A couple of general points: quotes don't need to be italicised, there's a tendency to overuse "however" a bit (I have the same problem), and I'd recommend taking a look at MOS:DASH to see when to use dashes in prose instead of hyphens (just a cosmetic thing). Nev1 (talk) 18:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Comments from AssociateAffiliate

• It's just how to get the personal life part in the correct parts. His schooling comes before his career, but his appearance on Dancing on Ice and his commentating career are near the end of his career. A split personal life spread over his career. Would seem odd to mention DOI in the beginning, but likewise seems weird putting his schooling at the end. AssociateAffiliate (talk) 23:29, 23 March 2011 (UTC)