Wikipedia:Peer review/Edinburgh Castle/archive1

Edinburgh Castle

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've done a fair bit of work on this recently. The lead is still too short, and there are a couple of fact tags, but I'm looking for any other suggestions for improvement. Many thanks, Jonathan Oldenbuck (talk) 20:25, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

Some comments on:

• History
  • has long been problematic, and disastrous under siege conditions. This implies "always disastrous under siege conditions" - is that true?
  • Andrew of Wyntoun ref has some odd template in it. I don't know what "byggyd" means.
  • " potentially making Castle Rock the longest continually occupied site in Scotland" - that's a pretty big claim that needs more than just one ref. You might wish to refer to other candidates in a footnote e.g. Dumbarton Rock, Kilmartin Glen.
  • " However, the excavations suggested that there was probably an enclosed hill fort on the rock, although only the fringes of the site were excavated" A little unclear - you may mean something like "However, the more recent excavations of Castle Rock suggest…"
  • "Given that the southern part of the Upper Ward (where Crown Square is now sited) was not amenable to being built upon" - I am the last person you might expect to complain about anthropomorphic suggestions of this kind, but I think you may mean "not suitable" rather than "not amenable"
  • "curtain wall" might link to something.
  • "The first known purchae of a gun was in 1384, and the "great bombard" Mons Meg arrived in 1457." There is a typo and the sentence reads oddly. "followed" rather than "arrived"?
  • "Mary's mother, Mary of Guise, based herself at Edinburgh Castle, acting as regent from 1554 to 1560, when she died at the Castle". Sounds like she died over a six year period… "until 1560 when she died at the Castle"?
  • The following year, Mary, Queen of Scots, returned from France to begin her reign. Possibly better as " The following year her daughter Mary returned from France to begin her reign." Avoids repetition of "Mary QoS". This sentence might also be better as the beginning of the next para.
  • "quarrels between the powerful Scottish nobility" - "amongst' rather than "between"
  • " Following the murder of Darnley" seems a bit abrupt as we only just got to know him. Something like " Following the assassination of Darnley at Kirk o' Field in 1567"?
  • "On 19 March, Viscount Dundee climbed up the Castle Rock to confer with Gordon, prior to launching his own rebellion in favour of James." Seems a little out of context, (did Gordon do anything for him?) and/or that " Gordon refused to fire upon the town" as a result. Ben MacDui 20:10, 4 January 2009 (UTC)
• Description
  • Middle Ward runs out of citations and National War Museum of Scotland has none. Ditto Royal Palace, The Crown Room. Several sections have last sentences with no citation - some of which may be OK, but it looks odd.
  • "The north storehouse now houses" - too many houses.
  • "The origin of this name is unknown, although it may relate to the dense sea-fog, known as haar, which commonly affects Edinburgh" Citation or no this sounds like an absurd piece of speculation to me.
  • "when te present roof was built" typo
  • Mons Meg section suddenly starts using imperial / metric cf vice-versa
  • "was constructed as part of the reconstruction works" too many constructs
  • " The walls of these sections are pitted with holes, where chunks of stone removed to provide nesting places for pigeons, for consumption during the winter months." Missing word - "were"?
  • Hippolyte Blanc is linked twice
• Present use
  • Arguably the first sentence in Tourist attraction is over-long. It lacks a comma after Government
  • "paid vistor attraction" - typo
  • "Historic Scotland maintain a number of attractions" two attractions in successive sentences
  • "There are also a number" - I suspect this should be "There is"
  • I think "pibroch" is Scottish English as well as Gaelic and doesn't need italics
  • "The gun could be easily heard" suggest "The gun could easily be heard", but not sure why.
  • 2 miles (3.2 km) - see above
  • " maps were produced" - but not any more? I'm curious to know when.
  • " exhibition about the Gun" not sure about the capital G.
  • I am currently philatelo-phobic as large numbers of edits about bogus stamps have recently appeared on some of my favourite islands. Can we say Royal Mail postage stamps? Well of course we can, but feel free to ignore.

I haven't checked the refs, notes or images. Feel free to badger me if need be on this front. Very thorough work btw, and it reads well. I probably won't watch the article for long, so give me a shout if you go for FA (and I think you should). Ben MacDui 20:19, 5 January 2009 (UTC)