Wikipedia:Peer review/Franck Ribéry/archive1

Franck Ribéry

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it is capable of receiving good article status based on the edits I have done over the past week.

Thanks, Joao10Siamun

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article, and generally well-done. Here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye toward GAN.

• I would avoid currently in the first sentence of the lead and instead use the actual date or "as of 2010": Franck Bilal Ribéry (born 7 April 1983) is a French football player currently playing [who has played] for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich [since 2007]. or perhaps Franck Bilal Ribéry (born 7 April 1983) is a French football player currently playing for Bundesliga club Bayern Munich [as of 2010].
• In the first three sentences of the second paragraph of the lead I would add some years to help provide context to the reader.
• I would also avoid currently for his brother's team, and try to add some years for his marriage and the births of his daughters, if known.
• More context to add here: After a seven-year stay, he joined professional outfit Lille, who were playing in the second division. I would add the year he started and probably clarify that it was the French second division
• Wording - "the player"?? how about just "him"? While at Lille, Ribéry excelled athletically, but developed academic and behavioral problems, which led to Lille releasing the player.[10][8]
• I would clarify that CFA is the fourth division and add a word Ribéry only made four appearances in his debut season as Boulogne, who were playing in the CFA, [but?] earned promotion to third-tier Championnat National.[11]
• It is not clear to me what the "Division d'Honneur" is - can this be linked or explained?
• I think a copyedit would help the article's chances at GAN - another example is Ribéry only spent half a season at Metz, but impressed earning the UNFP Player of the Month in August 2004. either take out "impressed" and change "earning" to "earned" or say who he impressed.
• Awkward and probably should be split into two sentences After stalemate negotiations on an extension, in January 2005, Ribéry relocated to Turkey joining Galatasaray on an initial loan deal with the Instanbul-based outfit having the right to pay Metz €2 million to make the move permanent. perhaps something like After negotiations on an extension ended in a stalemate, in January 2005 Ribéry relocated to Turkey. There he joined Galatasaray on an initial loan deal; the Instanbul-based outfit had the right to pay Metz €2 million to make the move permanent. The style tends to use verb + ing a lot where past tense might work better.
• I just do not understand this sentence - Ferarri, yes, but Scarface no (and the link to Scarface is a dab): While playing for the club, Galatasaray supporters nicknamed him Ferraribery, in reference to his quick acceleration with the ball at his feet and also Scarface, due to a large scar located on the right side of his face.[17][18][19] Is the Turkish name for Scarface somehow related to Ferrari? Needs more / better explanation
• Make sure all references meet WP:RS - what makes meeting-lille.com a reliable source, for example?
• I would look at all verb + ing constructions, but here is one that definitely needs to be fixed: The day after announcing his move, Galatasaray officials and manager Eric Gerets blasted the player for betraying the club and also announcing [announced] their intent to ask FIFA to probe the situation.[22][20]
• Tweaks In response to this, the Turkish club announced their decision to challenge FIFA's ruling by appealing to the [international] Court of Arbitration for Sport [(CAS)]. Since CAS is used in the header, it need to be explained in the article.
• Another awkward sentence: Upon his arrival, Ribéry was handed the number 7 shirt and made his debut on 30 July 2005 in a 2–0 defeat to Bordeaux collecting a yellow card.[24]
• The MOS says to provide English units as well as metric - {{convert}} does this nicely The goal, scored from almost 35 meters out, was later voted the goal of the season by supporters.[29]
• Identify this as Spansih (just as the other is as Italian) and La Liga outfit Deportivo de La Coruña.
• Spot the unneeded word (hint it has "ing" in it): owever, despite the offers, Marseille declared the player off limits with Ribéry having nearly four years left on his contract remaining.[31]
• Can the natures of his injuries be made clearer in the 2006–07 season section?
• Watch WP:OVERLINKing - for example € is linked five times in the article
• Watch WP:Logical quotation - unless you are quoting a full sentence, the punctuation goes outside the quote marks - see for example ...Zinedine Zidane, has called Ribéry the "jewel of French football."[1] (should be the "jewel of French football".[1])
• There are a fair number of places that need references - generally if sentences follow refs, but have no refs of their own, they also need a ref. For example this needs a ref He was also named the French Player of the Year for the second consecutive season. as does the last four sentences of the second paragraph of the "2008–09 season" section.
• There are a lot of FA articles on football players that might be good model articles for this one - a model article gives ideas and examples to follow. I would definitely get a copy edit. The facts seem to all be there, the pictures are nice, and the refs seem decent.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 23:21, 4 April 2010 (UTC)