Wikipedia:Peer review/Friday (Rebecca Black song)/archive1

Friday (Rebecca Black song)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because on both the Songs and Internet Culture WikiProjects, the article is rated C-Class. I feel that this article looks a lot like a good article, though, despite the fact that it doesn't meet the criteria at this time. I want to make sure that all facts are cited, sections are expanded, and the prose is comprehensible, so please make suggestions.

Thanks, Bulldog edit my talk page da contribs 04:40, 3 April 2011 (UTC)

Comments by: I Help, When I Can. ^[12]

• Note: Words in green are not sourced in the article or are not sourced the way that the article is presented. OMIT portions in red.

Lead

• A lead should be a summary of the article. No new information or statements likely to be challenged should show up there. Therefore, all of the content in the lead should show up later in the article and should be sourced later in the article. There are more problems with the lead, but this needs to be solved before anything.

Background

• What does the first paragraph have to do with the song and not Black. Remember, that's why there are two separate articles. Make sure the whole article stays on the song. The background section should also go in a more cohesive order: from the creation of the song, to Black's involvement with the track.
  • "In late 2010, a classmate of Black and music-video client of Ark Music Factory, a Los Angeles vanity record label, told her about the company."
    • "music video" is not hyphenated.
    • There may be citations that can give you the person's name.
  • "Black's mother, Georgina Kelly, paid Ark Music $4,000 for a song and accompanying video that included a choice of two pre-written songs; according to Kelly, the payment covered one half or less of the production costs of the music video, and Black's family could have paid nothing in exchange for giving up all rights to the song." — break the sentence at the semicolon. Unless it happened like that, I don't think that that fact is necessarily important.
  • "She subsequently stated that the other song was more specifically about being a boy's superhero." — irrelevant.
  • "Ark Music handled the song's recording and production, extensively using the pitch-correcting software Auto-Tune." — not only is the fact unsourced, but if you state that they wrote and produced the song, the part in red is implied.

Will continue reviewing later.