Wikipedia:Peer review/Genelia D'Souza/archive1

Genelia D'Souza

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this is a good article.

Thanks, Goodfilmfan2 (talk) 07:32, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: A nice article, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to the WP:GAN process.

• The language could be tightened or polished in several places - here are examples from the first paragraph of the lead:
  • She has appeared in Telugu[,] and Hindi language films, as well as Tamil and Kannada language films.
  • She first hit the limelight in a Parker Pen commercial with Amitabh Bachchan. "hit the limelight" does not seem very encyclopedic, perhaps something like "made her debut" would be better. I would also add the year here to provide context to the reader
  • She made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam in 2003, which failed to propel her career in Bollywood, but soon achieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys the same year. "failed to propel her career" seems awkward too, perhaps something like In 2003, she made her acting debut in the Hindi movie Tujhe Meri Kasam; although it owuld be five years until her next Bollywood film, she achieved recognition in the Tamil film Boys later the same year.
  • She subsequently acted in many Telugu movies during 2003–2005, which earned her recognition in the Telugu film industry. could be tightened to something like She earned recognition acting in Telugu films during 2003–2005.
• I would not include "etc." in the infobox.
• Spell out abbreviations like MNC on first use (so, assuming it is "Multinational corporation (MNC)...)
• Make sure to be clear on who is meant, who is they in the following? When D'Souza was offered a role in Tujhe Meri Kasam, initially she turned it down, .... But they insisted and kept contacting her for two months...
• The fair use images do not seem to meet WP:NFCC, please read this and WP:FAIR USE
• What is there seems good - I think I would add a "Critical reception" section, many articles on movies and actors have one.
• References seem OK, nicely formatted and the few I checked seemed like reliable sources

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:41, 20 January 2010 (UTC)