Wikipedia:Peer review/Giraffe/archive2

Giraffe

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I hope to get it to FA status.

Thanks, LittleJerry (talk) 02:51, 3 November 2011 (UTC)

Brief comments from Nikkimaria

• Per WP:ENGVAR, use one variety of English throughout - for example, you currently have both "behavior" and "behaviour".
• Spell out "%" in article text
• See here for potentially problematic links
• Check for disambiguation links - for example extant
• Don't space emdashes. Check for other WP:MOS issues
• Recommend submitting the article to WP:GOCE for copyediting, as prose will be a problem at FAC
• Reference formatting needs attention. All print sources need page numbers, all web sources need publishers and access dates. Make sure all sources used are high-quality. Nikkimaria (talk) 23:49, 5 November 2011 (UTC)

Response to Nikkimaria

• 1. I could only find "behaviour" in the title of a cited article. I suppose thats how the authors spell it.
• 2. Done.
• 3. Done.
• 4. Done, the AWF source is no longer dead.
• 5. Already done I believe. I don't know is you look at this article recently since I did some converting since the failed FA nomination.
• 6. Done, thanks for the suggestion.
• 7. Same as 5. LittleJerry (talk) 01:13, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

I looked at the article immediately before posting here - I think maybe you're overlooking some issues. For example, for the first point, you currently have "behaviour" in "one in twenty males were engaged in non-combative necking behaviour with another male". The paragraph before that, there is a spaced emdash. Looking at references, FN 28 for example lacks page numbers. Still some work to be done here. Nikkimaria (talk) 01:31, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

For that, I didn't list the pages because I used the whole book and not a certain section. Some of the other books had sections/chapter dedicated to the giraffe while this whole book is on the giraffe. The page numbers for the specific claim are given intext. LittleJerry (talk) 02:04, 6 November 2011 (UTC)

Comments from Cryptic C62

• "In addition to these features, the giraffe is notable for its extremely long neck and legs and prominent horns." I'm not sure that "notable" is the right word here. Perhaps you mean "recognizable"?

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "Eight subspecies of giraffe exist and they all differ by size, color and pattern variations and range." Try to avoid using "and" twice within the same list to avoid confusion. Perhaps "size, coloration, pattern variations, and range" would work?

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "Overall, the range of the giraffe extends from Chad in Central Africa to South Africa." While this is true for the North-South direction, it doesn't give the reader any idea of the East-West distribution. I suggest something like "Overall, the range of the giraffe extends from Chad in the north to South Africa in the South, and from [insert country here] in the west and [insert country here] in the east" or perhaps "Overall, the range of the giraffe extends from Chad in Central Africa to South Africa, and as far east as [insert country here].

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "They prefer areas with plenty of acacia growth." The tone of this sentence feels like we're describing a pet rather than a wild animal. Also, it's somewhat ambiguous as to why acacias are important. Food source? Shade?

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "Male giraffes engage in necking contests" What are necking contests?

  "Male giraffes may use their necks for combat or even homosexual courtships." Err, what? This is even more confusing. How does the neck play a role in homosexual courtships?

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "The giraffe has been prized by the various cultures for its exotic appearance" The "the" before "various cultures" is unnecessary unless there is a qualifier afterwards. Either "by various cultures" or "by the various cultures of [whatever]" would work.

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "While the progressive elongation of the neck and limbs can be traced to the early giraffids, it gained momentum in later genera such as Palaeotragus" Momentum is a physics term that does not apply here. Perhaps "it became more pronounced" would work better?

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "There are 9 subspecies which are recognized by the most recent authorities:" As of when? See WP:ASOF.

Done LittleJerry (talk) 22:43, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

• "Along the animal's neck is a brown mane which is about 12 centimeters (4.7 in) in adults" Slight ambiguity: does 12 centimeters refer to the lengths of the individual hairs, or the length of the mane from top to bottom?

The length from top to bottom. If it was the hairs I would have said. Is putting in "stretches" enough? LittleJerry (talk)

Err, are you sure it's top to bottom? Looking at some the images, the mane appears to run along the entire length of the neck. Unless I'm mistaken as to what "mane" is referring to, 12 cm must be the length of the individual hairs.

Fixed. LittleJerry (talk) 06:09, 18 November 2011 (UTC)

• "The tail has a black terminal tuft at the end" This seems somewhat redundant. Doesn't "terminal" mean the same thing as "at the end"...?

Done LittleJerry (talk) 23:19, 14 November 2011 (UTC)

• "Giraffes also have good color vision" This may sound like a stupid question, but what does "good" mean in this context? A wide range of colors that they can detect? Or perhaps the ability to accurately differentiate between similar colors?

I removed "good" from the sentence. LittleJerry (talk) 23:19, 14 November 2011 (UTC)

• "The radius and the ulna of the front legs are articulated by the carpus which, while the equivalent of the human wrist, functions as a knee" In what way is it equivalent to the human wrist? I suggest swapping out "the equivalent of" with a more descriptive phrase, such as "structurally equivalent to" or "functionally equivalent to".

Changed. The carpus is the bone of the human wrist so thats what makes them the equivalent of it. LittleJerry (talk) 03:30, 18 November 2011 (UTC)

• "Although no definitive study has been publicly conducted" In my experience, the phrase "publicly conducted" doesn't have any real meaning in the context of academia. I suggest replacing it with "published".

I simply removed the first part. LittleJerry (talk) 03:30, 18 November 2011 (UTC)

More to come. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 15:10, 6 November 2011 (UTC)