Wikipedia:Peer review/Guitar Hero: On Tour series/archive1

Guitar Hero: On Tour series

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This article is actually a combination of two previous Good Articles, but due to the similarities in the original games and the lack of significant change in the upcoming third game it was decided to merge the articles with this as one part and then a separate list article. As the third game is not yet out or reviewed, I can't really take this to GA yet, and thus to keep the Guitar Hero Featured Topic complete, I am seeking a peer review for this article.

Thanks, MASEM (t) 18:25, 24 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This sounds like an interesting and difficult game. I have some suggestions about the lead, some of the prose, and some of the images.

Section heads

The Manual of Style recommends against repeating the main words of the article title in the section heads. A lot of the existing section heads repeat the phrase "Guitar Hero" or "On Tour" or both. Some of these like "Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades" could be shortened to "Decades" to solve the problem, though you'll want to avoid using the same heads later in the article. In other words, you won't want to use "Decades" twice.

Lead

Wikilink fret on first use?
Wikilink stylus on first use?
The lead should summarize the central ideas of the main text sections. I thought it striking that nothing about gameplay appeared in the lead. I kept wondering how the game was played until I reached the gameplay section. I would even consider moving "Gameplay" up just under the lead as well as adding something to the lead about it. In addition, the lead should include something about the critical reception.

Development

"Bala claimed that they had gone through more than 20 different combinations of software... " - It's not clear who "they" refers to. A possible fix would be to substitute "the developers" for "they" here, and then "they" would make sense in the subsequent sentences.
"This peripheral is not compatible with the Nintendo DSi due to it lacking the GBA slot to insert the grip into, but Vicarious Visions has stated that they are eager to continue development of the series on the DSi." - Suggestion: "because it lacks" rather than "due to it lacking". Also, Vicarious Visions is singular while "they" is plural. Vicarious Visions is an "it".
Wikilink peripheral?
"According to lead designer Jeremy Russo, the team had the largest number of playtesters brought in for any project in order to refine the touchscreen "strumming" action, using a range of testers... " - This claim needs a citation. Did he really say "any project" or did he say something like "any Vicarious Visions project"?
"RedOctane wanted to see On Tour as a "polished AAA title on a handheld" and insisted on the "Guitar Duel" be a key feature of the game... " - Maybe "insisted that" rather than "insisted on"?
"Vicarious Visions developed a method to overcome the 2,000-polygon drawing limit imposed by the Nintendo DS hardware in order to allow the characters, each composed of about 2,000 polygons, still be recognizable." - "to be recognizable" rather than "still be recognizable"?
"While Bala has not revealed what plans they have for the DSi for Guitar Hero, they have used their experience... " - "It has" rather than "they have"? Twice.

Guitar Hero: On Tour

"Activision revealed that the game would both be sold as an individual game... " - Delete "both"?
Wikilink dog tag?

Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades

Wikilink and uppercase Wi-Fi?

Guitar Hero On Tour: Modern Hits

"but Vicarious Visions stated that they have continued to work on strum detection on the DS touchpad" - "It has continued to work" rather than "they have continued to word"? Also, wikilink touchpad?

Gameplay

"Four fret buttons, instead of the normal five (the orange fret from other Guitar Hero controllers is excluded) are located on the side of the unit near the cartridge slot." - Suggestion: "Four fret buttons are located on the side of the unit near the cartridge slot. This is one less than the normal five frets, included an orange-colored one, managed by other Guitar Hero controllers." Wikilink "controller"?
"... uses a special guitar pick-shaped stylus to strum on the touchscreen of the DS with their free hand" - "his or her" rather than "they" since "player" is singular?
Wikilink touchscreen?
"After the player has successfully hit a selected series of notes, they will... " - Ditto here on the singular-plural disagreement.
"This is activated by yelling or blowing into the DS's mic, by pressing any of the face buttons on the DS, or by tapping the meter on the touch screen." - Spell out and abbreviate "microphone" on first use? Spell "touch screen" as one word, as you have earlier?
"These requests task the player to complete songs with certain requirements, such as hitting a minimum number of consecutive notes or hitting a minimum percentage of the notes in the song, while others are based on the effects players use in multiplayer mode, such as playing an entire song at "Hyperspeed" (notes moving on screen faster than normal) or by using the whammy bar on every note." - A bit too complex. Suggestion: "These requests prompt the player to complete songs with certain requirements, such as hitting a minimum number of consecutive notes or hitting a minimum percentage of the notes in the song. Other requests are based on the effects players use in multiplayer mode, such as playing an entire song at "Hyperspeed" (notes moving on the screen faster than normal) or by using the whammy bar on every note."

Soundtracks

"Each game in the series contains more 25 songs, considered to be the larger number of game songs for any DS-based music game." - Needs a source. Considered by whom?
"The songlist vary depending on the region of release, with some songs replacing others." - "Songlist" is singular, but "vary" is plural. Also, the "with plus -ing" construction is ungrammatical. Suggestion: "The songlist varies; some songs replace others depending on the region of release."

Reviews of Guitar Hero: On Tour

"In general, critics felt the game captured the majority of the elements of the Guitar Hero series,[22] and IGN commented that the note tracks are well done as to provide "a great challenge with a solid difficulty curve"." - It would be best to stick to one tense rather than switching in mid-sentence from past ("felt" and "commented") to present ("are well done").

Reviews of Guitar Hero On Tour: Decades

"However, reviewers also noted that with the songs presented in chronological order, the difficulty curve presented in other Guitar Hero games is not present." - Here's another verb-tense switch, from "noted" to "is". I might have missed other instances of the same thing, so you might check to see if you can spot any more.

References

Some of the full dates in the citations are wikilinked, while most are not. Your intent seems to be to unlink them all, which is fine.

Images

Three fair-use claims in one article may be hard to support. In addition, if you have a digital camera or can borrow one, you might get higher-quality photos than these and set them up to illustrate exactly what you want. For example, Image:Holding GHOT front.jpg is blurry. For better lighting, you might set this up outside against a neutral or dark background. Just a thought.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 21:53, 7 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the input - I've gone through and addressed all of these comments and found a few more things to be fixed. --MASEM (t) 23:59, 7 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]