Wikipedia:Peer review/Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock/archive3

Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock

Previous peer review

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Given that this reportedly the first single video game to surpass $1billion in sales, I figure that it should be on its way towards featured. Source and refercing-wise, I think this is fairly complete, but any help (particularly copyediting suggestions) would be great. --MASEM 04:03, 11 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, MASEM 04:03, 11 January 2009 (UTC)

David Fuchs

 Doing... -Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^(talk) 18:50, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Dabomb87 (talk · contribs) I want to see this article get to featured status. Starting from the middle:

Technical issues

• "Instead, Co-Op mode is only available in "Co-Op Career" Mode" Instead of what?
• "GameSpy had some technical issues with the PlayStation 3's controllers and online matchmaking," I think the use of the verb "to have" is rather use here. Maybe: "GameSpy found technical issues with the PlayStation 3's controllers and online matchmaking,"
• "Activision now offers a free replacement remastered" What do you mean by "now"?
• "Players attempting to upload their scores" The noun + -ing sentence construction is clumsy.
• "The PC version has been criticized for having very high system requirements, but still suffering from lag and slowdowns, even on high-end systems with the graphics tuned down to a minimum." The clause order of this sentence is off, try: "The PC version has been criticized for having very high system requirements; even on high-end systems with the graphics tuned down to a minimum, the game still suffers from lag and slowdowns."

Soundtrack

• "Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock features 73 playable songs - 42 are "main setlist" songs" Use a dash, not a hyphen.
• "Guitarist Steve Ouimette plays as the Devil for the final battle, and he re-recorded a metal guitar version of "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" for that purpose."
• "The soundtrack features such songs as" The list of songs that follows seems rather indiscriminate; nothing seems to define their similarites.
• "Xbox 360 players who purchase the compact disc soundtrack (which contains select tracks from the game) will have access to a code that can be redeemed for 3 exclusive playable tracks on Xbox Live Marketplace." Didn't look at the source, but is the soundtrack still not released?
• "Some of the downloadable content is from very new bands. " Not sure what the intensifier "very" does here; define a "new band".
• "and has gotten very popular"-->and has become very popular
• "The songs will also be playable in the new Guitar Hero game, World Tour." Another sign that the article needs to be given a once-over for dated statements.

Reception

• "selling over US$100 million in the first week after release in North America alone."
• "Total game sales for the first year of Guitar Hero III's release has been over $750 million."
• "IGN also scored the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions an 8.9/10, while and GameSpot gave the game a 8/10 score."
• "GameSpy, in a five page review"-->GameSpy, in a five-page review
• "Through the Fire and Flames." Check the logical punctuation, the period is not part of the song title.
• Are you sure that the last paragraph belongs in the Reception section? To counter my own point though, there wouldn't be another good place to put it, I suppose.
• "Chike later regained the official record holder on September 11, 2008." One can't gain a "record holder".
• Sources look good, but can you delink the dates? Also, ref 77 (Youtube.com source) has a different sourcing style. Fix it now, or Sandy will pick up on it later.

I will return for the top half later this week. Dabomb87 (talk) 03:04, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

All done Gary King (talk) 03:26, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Battle mode

• "Players can store three attacks at a time, and releases them in the same manner as triggering Star Power in normal gameplay." "releases"-->release. There are multiple ways of activating Star Power, so I am not sure whether the singular "manner" is correct here.
• "where all further "Battle Powers" attainable are Death Drain attacks"-->where the only attainable "Battle Powers" are Death Drain attacks

Online play

• "Guitar Hero III for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, and Wii allow" "allow"-->allows (the subject is Guitar Hero III)
• "play with another user" Would it be more accurate to say "with or against", as you can play Face-off or Co-op?

Wii exclusive features

• "The Wii version of the game has several exclusive features, since a Wii Remote must be inserted into the guitar controller. " This sentence doesn't make sense.
• "The internal speaker on the Wii Remote is used to emit a sound simulating"-->The internal speaker on the Wii Remote emits a sound that simulates...
• "hit; This feature, however, can be turned off in the player's interest."-->hit. This feature can be turned off in the player's interest.
• "While the Wii version has online play against other online strangers, or against friends utilizing game-specific friend codes, downloadable content was not available at launch."-->Although the Wii version always had online play against other online strangers, or against friends who use game-specific friend codes, downloadable content was not available at launch.
• "Activision had announced that it would be releasing"-->Activision announced that it would release...
• "(Guitar Hero: World Tour is being touted as the first Guitar Hero game to have download content)" Another dated statement.
• "The Wii and PlayStation 2 versions also use slightly different graphics "
• "Wii version featuring "miss" sounds"-->Wii version, which features "miss" sounds
• "The Wii and PlayStation 2 versions of the game includes characters that are not found in the Xbox 360 and PS3 versions," I think the comma should be a colon.

Characters

• "Characters returning"-->Characters who returned
• "In addition, the player can access"
• "While Bret Michaels appears " "While"-->Although

Development

• "with development responsibilities shifting from Harmonix to Neversoft Entertainment." noun + -ing phrase is awkward and ungrammatical.
• "Neversoft president Joel Jewett noted that his company was asked to perform the development work based on a humorous conversation that Jewett had with RedOctane's founders Kai and Charles Huang at the 2006 E3 Convention, describing how Guitar Hero helped to reduce the stress in the Neversoft offices during their development of Tony Hawk's Project 8; months later, Jewett was contacted by the Huangs, requesting them to work on Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock." Can this sentence be split up?
• "in the fiscal year of 2008" You would probably do well to link fiscal year
• "The fall 2007" Try to avoid using seasons, per WP:SEASON.
• "Activision avoided all mention"
• "The online play feature will extend to the Wii version" Is this a dated statement?
• "Slash did motion capture" I can think of so many better verbs than "did"...
• "The master track of "Welcome to the Jungle" appears as an encore song" Comma after this phrase.
• "Bret Michaels appears as non-playable vocalist for certain songs, providing his voice for these master tracks."-->Bret Michaels appears as a non-playable vocalist for certain master tracks.
• "A demo of Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock appeared in Tony Hawk's Proving Ground for the Xbox 360, as well as being available as both a Xbox Live Marketplace download[28] and an ISO image that could be created through a PC to use on the Xbox 360." This sentence needs rewriting.
• "On September 11, 2007, Aspyr Media and Activision announced that Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock would be developed for both the PC and Macintosh platforms." Dated statement? Dabomb87 (talk) 00:00, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

All done Gary King (talk) 04:29, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

Lead

• "The game features over 70 total songs"
• "The Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions also feature the ability to download additional songs."
• The video game consoles are overlinked in the lead.

Gameplay

• "in time with music in order to maintain"
• The next two sentences have rather forced prose: "Hitting notes using the guitar controller requires strumming the strum bar while holding down the correct fret button(s)." This sentence needs reconstructing. "Hitting ... strumming ... holding..."
• Then, "Playing with the standard controller only requires the correct button to be pressed."
• "two to four-note chord"-->two- to four-note chord
• "The game also simulates"
• "when released (by tilting the guitar controller up vertically or hitting a button on a standard controller)" You didn't mention pressing the Select button on the guitar controller.
• "Hard (which utilizes all"-->Hard (which uses all
• "a player will progress through multiple tiers of songs" "will" implies certainty.
• "single-player career mode"-->single-player career mode
• "The band starts out as a neighborhood sensation, before hooking up with a record producer named Lou at one of their shows." Comma not necessary.
• "the band travels to England, and then performs at an island jail "-->the band travels to England then performs at an island jail
• "despite Lou encouraging them to 'sell out'"-->despite Lou's encouragement for them to 'sell out'
• "There are only 6 tiers of songs"-->There are six tiers of songs
• "with each encore song being unique to the co-op mode" You probably know what I am going to say here. (noun + -ing)
• "The co-op storyline portrays the vocalist and drummer looking for a guitarist and bassist."-->The co-op storyline portrays the vocalist and drummer, who are looking for a guitarist and bassist.
• "The video skyrockets the band's popularity" "skyrockets" is a bit bombastic. Also, the video itself was not the impetus for the increased popularity. Dabomb87 (talk) 03:23, 25 January 2009 (UTC)

All done Gary King (talk) 04:03, 25 January 2009 (UTC)