Wikipedia:Peer review/Hawaii/archive1

Hawaii

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I want to get this article up to GA status and eventually FA status if possible. I understand that this article needs a lot of work, so the more feedback, the better! I'm listing this as a social sciences topic because I would like this article to be written more from a social sciences perspective than only a geographical perspective. I'd like people knowledgeable in society, history, and politics to feel free to contribute, particularly if they're well-acquainted with Hawaii's socioeconomic history. All are welcome to help clean up links, sources, and grammar, though!

Thanks! The Obento Musubi (talk · contribs) 06:58, 18 March 2015‎ (UTC)[reply]

Doing... I'm trying to do the peer review thoroughly, so I removed the bot message that closed the peer review request. -- WeijiBaikeBianji (talk, how I edit) 02:13, 23 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much, WeijiBaikeBianji! The Obento Musubi (t · c) 08:17, 24 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Csisc

First, I have to thank you for your work about Hawaii... It is clear that this work was an excellent overview about it as it has described its history, its social situation, its politics and its topography and this is not available for some UN affiliated countries. So, I am really satisfied with your work and I think that you can do better and get FA Status. However, this work lacks from some details which are important for me:

Customs and Traditions: The work does not give any detail about the events and the festivals held in Hawaii every year. It does not also describe the Native traditions of Hawaii and this includes wear, handicrafts... Although these social details are not very important to see the position of the State of Hawaii in the United States, they are important to promote the culture of Hawaii. So, I think that you should work more about these details soon.
Influencing People: The work does not involve any name of an influential person who helped the promotion and the core development of Hawaii. This involves the names of the influential people in the First Existing Hawaiian Civilizations and the discoverers of Hawaii... The people who had influenced Hawaii should be efficiently cited. So, you should expand the History part in order to do this more efficiently.
Industrial Activities: The work does not involve the name of main factories in Hawaii. Furthermore, it does not involve any information about the type of fruits and vegetables produced in Hawaii... It does not give an overview about the rate of dependency of Hawaii to the production of tropical fruits... These information are important although they are very important to see the quality of the Regioanl industry of Hawaii.
Historical Sites: This part is very limited. Try to merge it with Gallery Part and better its output more efficiently. Try to involve a better description of the policy of Hawaii about Hotels... Furthermore, try to site more historical sites that are very important in Hawaii. Try to describe the evolution and the style of Architecture in Hawaii... Try to give more details about main civilizations that influenced architecture in Hawaii... Try to specify the characteristics of houses in Hawaii...

Finally, I do not have to tell you that you can answer me anytime and I will give you more details.

Yours Sincerely,

--Csisc (talk) 12:46, 26 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Awesome, Csisc, thank you for your feedback! I will address your concerns/feedback in my future edits of the article. Cheers, The Obento Musubi (t · c) 05:34, 10 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]