Wikipedia:Peer review/He-Man as a gay icon/archive1
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This peer review discussion is closed. |
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to get it to FA status at some point in the future, which I'm sure would require a lot of work and additional help. One area where I could definitely use help is with finding additional sources on the topic; especially academic ones. I've looked through various academic sources such as JSTOR and whatnot, and I cannot seem to find any more. During the GA review, User:Figureskatingfan brought up some good points about how to move forward. It would be very helpful if some also looked through the article's prose. Regarding the prose, the use of the sources was also questioned. It would be great if an outside party could go through the (online) sources and see if the way they are used in the article is proper or not; maybe a given source's information that is provided in the article would be better suited in a different section. I've never worked on an article like this before, and unfortunately such an article doesn't exist on Wikipedia either, so someone familiar with the franchise, or the handling of LGBT themes and analyses in media or a specific work would be very helpful. Thank you. PanagiotisZois (talk) 19:51, 17 June 2022 (UTC)
Comments from Tim Riley
[edit]- It's Pride today in London, and I have been too lazy to join the procession, so shall peer review this article as my token contribution to the cause. More over the weekend. Tim riley talk 18:00, 2 July 2022 (UTC)
- When reviewing I usually have a quick first canter through the text looking for typos etc. Just two points from that:
- I imagine the article is intended to be in AmE, in which case " Ali Forney Center … an LGBT community centre" could do with "center" twice rather than one of each.
- Done.
- "capitvating" is in a quote, but even if the original contains the typo we should not replicate it here, and a silent correction is appropriate.
- Done.
- Comments on the content will follow later. Tim riley talk 08:49, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
- Second and concluding batch of comments from TR
A few minor points on the prose:
- Lead
- "He-Man received his own series" – it becomes clear fairly quickly that this is a television series rather than a series of comic books, but it would be as well to make that plain at the outset.
- Done
- "who hails the realm of Eternia – does this mean who hails from the realm of Eternia?
- Done
- "Despite the original series having aired during the presidency of Ronald Reagan … He-Man's character has contained elements of queer coding" – this may be clear to an American, but to a non-American it looks like a non-sequitur. You hint in the main text that Reagan's administration was rabidly anti-gay, but that needs to be made clear in the lead if the sentence is to make sense.
- "his sex appeal towards gay men – does one appeal towards people rather than to them?
- Done.
- Homosexual reading and analyses
- "He-Man's muscular body was the "cynosure" – I shouldn't think one reader in a hundred will have run across this word before. As it originally means "a dog's rear end" it would be as well to provide a link to Wiktionary where those wanting to know can see how the word has come to be used.
- Replaced with a phrase that conveys the same meaning and is not a quotation. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 22:30, 4 September 2022 (UTC)
- "wearing clothing similar to a blue-collar worker – the clothing was not similar to the person: you mean "wearing clothing similar to a blue-collar worker's" or "wearing clothing similar to that of a blue-collar worker".
- Done.
- Sex appeal
- "Andrew Hayden-Smith said 2016 – missing "in" before the year.
- Done.
I hope these few comments are of use. Tim riley talk 10:23, 3 July 2022 (UTC)
- Thank you for your comments. As I'm busy during this period, it will take me some time to revise the article's contents based on your suggestions. PanagiotisZois (talk) 18:05, 7 July 2022 (UTC)
- STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template.
- Since you are still working on nominating your first FA, I would suggest seeking a FA mentor. They can comment on this PR and guide you through the FAC process. Z1720 (talk) 02:04, 15 July 2022 (UTC)
@PanagiotisZois: It has been over a month since the last comment on this PR. Are you still interested in receiving feedback, or can this be closed? Z1720 (talk) 22:13, 4 September 2022 (UTC)
- I don't see why it has to be closed. PanagiotisZois (talk) 22:20, 4 September 2022 (UTC)
- @PanagiotisZois: The longer a PR stays open, the less likely that it is to receive comments. Also, too many open PRs cause all of the listed PRs to receive less attention. PRs cannot stay open indefinitely, which is why I asked if you were interested in more comments. If you want additional comments, I suggest asking editors on Wikiproject talk pages associated with the article. Z1720 (talk) 23:27, 4 September 2022 (UTC)
- @Z1720: OK, the PR can be closed. PanagiotisZois (talk) 10:45, 16 September 2022 (UTC)
- @PanagiotisZois: The longer a PR stays open, the less likely that it is to receive comments. Also, too many open PRs cause all of the listed PRs to receive less attention. PRs cannot stay open indefinitely, which is why I asked if you were interested in more comments. If you want additional comments, I suggest asking editors on Wikiproject talk pages associated with the article. Z1720 (talk) 23:27, 4 September 2022 (UTC)